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Hymie

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Hymie

Psychiatry

Psychiatrist to patient – ‘I’m really pleased with the progress you’ve made recently.’ Patient to psychiatrist – ‘Last week I was Napoleon Bonaparte, now I’m a nobody and you call that progress?’...
20:30 Tue 21st Dec 20211 answer, last by DTCwordfan 20:38 Tue 21st Dec 2021
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Hymie

Christmas Shopping

Me - ‘Boss, can I take tomorrow off work to go Christmas shopping with my wife?’ Boss – ‘Certainly not.’ Me – ‘Oh, thank you very much, I knew you’d understand.’...
21:16 Mon 20th Dec 20215 answers, last by Georgiesmum 19:18 Tue 21st Dec 2021
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Hymie

Changes To The Highway Code Coming Into Effect 29 January 2022

Some of you may not be aware of significant changes to the highway-code, soon to come into effect. One of the major changes is that vehicle drivers turning into a road are to give way to pedestrians...
11:16 Sat 18th Dec 20215 answers, last by bhg481 20:17 Fri 31st Dec 2021
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Hymie

More Private Eye Number Crunching

Zero parties Boris Johnson insisted had been held in Downing Street last December, as he announced an investigation into 18 December event to ‘establish all the facts’. 3 further parties that have...
08:41 Sat 18th Dec 202121 answers, last by naomi24 17:28 Sat 18th Dec 2021
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Hymie

Private Eye Number Crunching

£1,640 – Average spend per UK household on home improvements in 2020, a record thought to be due to lockdown making us spend more time at home. £112,549 – Spend by Boris & Carrie Johnson on home...
08:12 Sat 18th Dec 20218 answers, last by drmorgans 08:40 Sat 18th Dec 2021
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Hymie

Wife’s Christmas Present

Earlier this month, my wife dropped a heavy hint as to what she wants for Christmas. She said that she dreamt that I had given her a diamond necklace as a present and wondered what the meaning of the...
21:06 Fri 10th Dec 20211 answer, last by Patsy33 21:14 Fri 10th Dec 2021
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Hymie

Boris Johnson

Over the last few days there has been a plethora of posts on AB critical of Boris Johnson. It would appear that most ABers have woken up to the fact that Boris is a totally inappropriate person to...
17:20 Thu 09th Dec 202157 answers, last by ToraToraTora 10:56 Sat 11th Dec 2021
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Hymie

Private Eye Number Crunching

40-50 People who attended staff Christmas party at 10 Downing Street on 18 December 2020, when Tier 3 restrictions said that ‘no events should take place, no mixing of households indoors’. Zero...
23:52 Wed 08th Dec 202136 answers, last by bobbinwales 11:15 Thu 09th Dec 2021
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Hymie

Santa’s Test Flight

Since Santa flies over American air-space, he is required to under-go annual certification to fly by the Federal Aviation Administration. The FAA inspector arrived at the North Pole to see Santa...
23:58 Tue 07th Dec 20217 answers, last by emmie 09:15 Wed 08th Dec 2021
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Hymie

Flash Car

The boss showed up at the Christmas party driving a top of the range Ferrari. ‘Wow!’ said one of the junior employees ‘that’s an amazing car.’ ‘Well,’ said the boss, ‘if you work hard, put in all your...
22:36 Wed 01st Dec 20214 answers, last by Patsy33 14:39 Thu 02nd Dec 2021
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Hymie

Correctly Operating Computer Systems

This DM article interested me (not just because the Post Office was involved), but that the Law Commission agreed to a change in the law to a presumption of correctly operating computer systems. I can...
23:44 Mon 29th Nov 20219 answers, last by Steeeveee 11:29 Thu 06th Jan 2022
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Hymie

Blind Date

Last weekend, my friend set me up with a blind-date with his sister. Despite his assurance that she was attractive and intelligent – I was concerned that I might find her unattractive and be stuck...
09:47 Sun 28th Nov 20214 answers, last by devayaani 14:33 Mon 29th Nov 2021
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Hymie

Pure Cremation

Earlier today my wife, mother-in-law and I were all watching TV when one of those cremation adverts came on; at which my mother-in-law announced that she would quite like to be cremated, to which I...
14:42 Fri 26th Nov 20212 answers, last by Hopkirk 01:17 Sat 27th Nov 2021
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Hymie

Christmas Shopping

A couple went Christmas shopping with their three young children in tow. After hours of traipsing around toyshops and hearing their kids ask for every item on the shelves, they were totally fed-up....
21:58 Wed 24th Nov 20212 answers, last by zebo 13:27 Fri 26th Nov 2021
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Hymie

Wind-Farms

I don’t think we should be creating anymore wind-farms – I think it’s windy enough already....
23:46 Tue 16th Nov 2021
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Hymie

The Sunny Uplands Of Brexit Have Arrived

Having reported that not a single letter was published in Private Eye in relation to a reader’s request for Brexit Benefits - the current issue contains a letter headed Brexcellence. Below is a précis...
21:34 Thu 11th Nov 202111 answers, last by Peter Pedant 11:26 Fri 12th Nov 2021
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Hymie

Drink-Driving Limit Myth?

I’ve never been arrested/charged with drink-driving – but have a question that ABers may be able to answer. The legal drink-drive alcohol limit in England is 35µg/100ml of breath – I’ve read that if...
20:50 Fri 05th Nov 20212 answers, last by Stickybottle 21:20 Fri 05th Nov 2021
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Hymie

Brexit Good News Delayed

Having posted threads detailing what a disaster Brexit has been for the UK (from the loss of billions of pounds in exports, to the loss of key-workers etc, etc); nearly two weeks ago I posted an...
13:25 Wed 27th Oct 202133 answers, last by naomi24 06:28 Thu 28th Oct 2021
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Hymie

Vehicle Lane Assist – Boeing 737 Max

My 10 year old car is not fitted with such a function; the only time I have seen such in operation was a few years ago in a car driven by a friend – who demonstrated it while travelling on a motorway....
10:31 Sat 23rd Oct 20216 answers, last by Ellipsis 16:45 Mon 25th Oct 2021
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Hymie

Vehicle Indictors Not Working

A work colleague recently experienced a fault on his 20 plate Dacia Duster – where none of the right turn indicators were working. Before a repair was effected, a number of us offered possible...
09:56 Sat 23rd Oct 20211 answer, last by davebro 10:01 Sat 23rd Oct 2021

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