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Fanriffic

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Fanriffic
Due to the latest Covid-19 restrictions - my local pub has banned 'Sweet Caroline' by Neil Diamond from the Karaoke Jukebox. So there will be no: Touching Hands, Reaching Out, Touching Me, Touching...
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Does anyone know why Amazon have stopped listing the songs and track lists on the pages where you buy CDs? I like to know the names of the songs on a CD before buying or if I'm looking for a...
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My dyslexic mate Dave won a two week break in Faliraki in a competition. When he returned two weeks later I asked him how it went. “Rubbish! It was two weeks in Falkirk.”...
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Struggling to find a suitable birthday gift for my young niece, I asked her Mum what she was into at the moment and what should I buy for her. “Oh, she likes all that Frozen stuff” So I got her some...
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Bono and The Edge walk in to a bar. The barman says, “Oh no, not you two again.”...
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This bloke goes in to a pub on a very busy Saturday afternoon and goes up to the bar to order his drinks. Looking across the bar he notices that the bar staff are all dwarfs. Not thinking much about...
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I must be getting old. I had to put on my reading glasses to eat my Alphabetti Spaghetti today....
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A lady was picking through the frozen chickens at a branch of Morrisons but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these chickens get any bigger?' The...
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One of my friends who has dwarfism came back from the Job Centre today really cheesed off. "What's wrong?" I asked. "They offered me a job as a lumberjack." "And what's wrong with that?" I replied....
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There's 364 days until Christmas and people have got their Christmas decorations up already. Unbelievable....
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What do you get when you mix an insomniac, a dyslexic and an agnostic? Someone who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog....
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What's the name of the clothing brand that people seem to wearing just recently. The logo looks like a thin stag head skeleton. I've seen a few TV celebrities wearing them....
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Ryanair are so bad that even the 'Auto Pilots' don't want to work for them anymore. Hee Hee.
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I have a terracotta plant pot that I want to cover / wrap with paper so the paper is flush round the whole outside surface. The top of the plant pot is wider than the bottom so obviously a rectangular...
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When my girlfriend suggested that she would like something with diamonds for Valentine's Day - apparently a pack of playing cards is not good enough. Tee hee. Off to the garage now to get something...
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Back in October last year, I hurt my back in between my shoulder blades by lifting a heavy box. When it happened I heard and felt about 5 or 6 sequential cracks from my spine in between the shoulder...
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I think I'm coming down with this new Christmas cold that's going around. It started with my Tinsillitis. What do you call an old snowman? A puddle. Ho ho ho....
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This Saturday (5th November) Tipping Point Lucky Stars on ITV features the Chasers from The Chase playing for charity. Should be a good edition. Who will come out victorious? Mark, Anne or Paul?...
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A horse walks (trots) in to a pub and goes up to the bar and orders a pint of lager. “A pint of lager please” requests the horse. The barman, clearly dumbfounded that the horse can talk, pours the...
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I've been having nightly Night Sweats around my neck and shoulder areas, waking up with damp pyjamas top. Started over 2 months ago. Could it be linked to a urine infection as I always have an urge to...

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