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Fanriffic

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Have you seen the Rose Design tattoo on Cheryl Cole's bum. What was she thinking, silly girl. How can you think this is good looking. I don't think she understood what having rosy cheeks meant....
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Fanriffic
Bloke One: I slept like a baby last night. Bloke Two: What like, peaceful and contented! Bloke One: No. I pissed and she-hat myself....
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Fanriffic
Singer Suggs is to appear in his own computer game. It's Madness gone PC....
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I saw a drunk man walking home from the beach today wearing only one flip flop on his feet. I asked him: "Did you lose a flip flop?". "No - found a flip flop" he replied....
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I tried to get my girlfriend one of those Coca Cola bottles with her name on it. I couldn't find any so I got her a Kit Kat Chunky....
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My best mate used to snort coke. He had to stop when an ice cube got stuck up his nose....
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I was listening to the big match earlier. I burnt my ear....
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I took a dip in my local swimming pool today. The lifeguard asked me, "What's that you've got there?". "Hummus". Sorry, worst joke ever ;)...
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Dave arrives home early from work and found his best mate Tony in bed with his wife. In a fit of rage, he dragged Tony down to his garden shed, put his knob in the vice and removed the handle after...
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Old Kenny was killed at work last week. He worked as a Fork Lift Truck driver at the local Chocolate Factory for the past 17 years and was a much loved and well-respected employee. Carrying out his...
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I was sitting at home tonight watching the TV when the door bell went. Kids these days, they’ll nick anything. What's the first sign of madness? Suggs walking up your garden path. Morris dancing!...
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Young bloke from Glasgow takes his girlfriend home for the first time and says: “This is Amanda.” And his Da goes: “It’s a WHIT??”...
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Carol Vorderman broke her nose falling down the stairs. She hit two from top and three from the bottom. Ouch!...
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I've just written a book called "101 Ways To Revive The High Street". It's available on Kindle from Monday. Favourite text joke this week - so far. . ....
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The sales of various brands of lasagne have taken a tumble since the outbreak of the horse meat scandal. This is according to a poll by gallop....
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There’s a very important day approaching very soon so don’t forget. I love Pancake Tuesday. I got the girlfriend a new bag and a new belt. The hoover works a treat now. I booked a table for us...
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My mate tells me that he has been getting deaths threats. He woke up this morning with a Findus Lasagne on his pillow....
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This bloke gets a bone marrow transplant from a donor in Argentina and the operation was a great success. So he wrote him a thank you letter which began – “Dear Diego, Marrow Donor...”...
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Apparently a jigsaw isn't a suitable present for a 4 year old at Christmas. The little one nearly lost 2 fingers playing with it. Always keep the receipt folks....
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I got the girlfriend a pug dog for her birthday. Despite the big bulging eyes, fat face, wrinkles and flat nose; the dog still likes her....

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