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Christmas Cracker Jokes

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Fanriffic | 20:18 Sun 04th Dec 2016 | Jokes
29 Answers
I think I'm coming down with this new Christmas cold that's going around.
It started with my Tinsillitis.

What do you call an old snowman?
A puddle.

Ho ho ho.
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Oy someone nicked my pizza gag. OK. What is the best cracker joke? Ding Dong Dairylea on Rye.
22:29 Sun 04th Dec 2016
What's Santa's favourite Pizza?
One that's deep pan, crisp and even.
What's round and bad tempered?
A vicious circle.
Why has Santa got 3 back gardens?
So that he can go ho ho ho
Why was the turkey in the pop group?

Because he was the only one with drumsticks!
What do they sing at a snowman's birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow
What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus.

What does Father Christmas do when his elves misbehave?

He gives them the sack.
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!
Yule log on here and forget all about your seasonal ills!
Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
Because they were two deer!
Why are Christmas trees very bad at knitting?

Because they always drop their needles.
How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born?
They had a weigh in a manger!
What's the most popular Christmas wine?
I don't like sprouts.
What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?

It's Christmas, Eve!
What do Santa's little helpers learn at school?

The elf-abet.
What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?

Nice gnawing you!
How do you know if Santa's been in your garden shed?

You've got three extra hoes.
What does the Queen call her Christmas Broadcast?
The One Show!
How do snowmen get around?

By riding an ‘icicle.

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