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chrisrob

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chrisrob

Credit Crunch latest news:

In London, the Isle of Dogs Bank has collapsed. They've called in the retrievers.
11:04 Wed 08th Apr 20095 answers, last by McMouse 12:59 Wed 08th Apr 2009
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chrisrob

Music anyone?

A director is screen testing Sylvestor Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger for a new film about classic composers. Not having figured out who to give which part to, he asks Sly who he would like to be....
10:45 Wed 08th Apr 20094 answers, last by squarebear 16:20 Wed 08th Apr 2009
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chrisrob

Even more medical daffynitions

Chiropractor - An Egyptian doctor Concussion: A prisoner's sofa Coronary - Domesticated yellow bird Cortisone - The local courthouse Cystogram - A cable sent to your sister Enteritis - A penchant for...
10:43 Wed 08th Apr 20092 answers, last by Huderon 20:45 Wed 08th Apr 2009
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chrisrob

More medical daffynitions

Antepartum - When your father's sister goes home Anti-Body - Against everyone Atonic - Goes with your gin Bandages - The Rolling Stones Benign - What an eight-year-old wants to be Bolus - What...
10:51 Tue 07th Apr 20091 answer, last by marval 13:18 Tue 07th Apr 2009
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chrisrob

Two more

If a wife thinks she's always right, will she find she's left by her husband? > > > > > > A criminal's best asset is his lie ability.
10:33 Tue 07th Apr 2009
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chrisrob

Medical daffynitions

Acute: Opposite of an ugly Adenoma - What you say to your mother when you don't know the answer Aerobe - A garment worn around the house Alimentary - What Holmes said to Watson Anally - Occurring...
12:22 Mon 06th Apr 20092 answers, last by tangojoe 21:26 Mon 06th Apr 2009
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chrisrob

Identical twins

A woman had twins, and gave them up for adoption. One of them went to a family in Egypt and was named "Amal." The other went to a family in Spain who named him "Juan." Years later, Juan sent a picture...
11:02 Mon 06th Apr 20096 answers, last by chrisrob 08:42 Tue 07th Apr 2009
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chrisrob

MP4 edit and save on DVD

A friend has a number of MP4 movie files she has shot on her digital camera. She'd like me to join them all together and save them on a DVD so she can view them as one continuous film on her DVD...
12:43 Sun 05th Apr 20094 answers, last by ada22 08:43 Wed 23rd Nov 2011
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chrisrob

Franglaise:

Coup de grace - A lawn mower. La deviation pour chauffeur de camion - My driver likes camels. Moi aussi - I am an Australian. Pas de deux - Father of twins Mange tout - You're pretty mangy yourself....
11:04 Sun 05th Apr 20092 answers, last by chrisrob 08:37 Mon 06th Apr 2009
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chrisrob

Another pun

We were mountain trekking when my friend's lederhausen started falling apart. I quickly used a needle and thread to strengthen my own shorts and a stitch in twine saved mine.
10:52 Sun 05th Apr 2009
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chrisrob

Criminal

A prisoner's favourite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence. > > > > > Prison walls are never built to scale.
10:43 Sat 04th Apr 20092 answers, last by Toneisok 01:34 Wed 08th Apr 2009
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chrisrob

Be a-freud; be very a-freud!

A man goes to his psychiatrist. "Doctor, you've got to help me," he says. "I keep thinking that I'm a well-known psychoanalyst." "How long has this been going on?" asks the shrink. "Well," the man...
10:43 Fri 03rd Apr 20098 answers, last by chrisrob 10:44 Sat 04th Apr 2009
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chrisrob

stop sending me emails saying i haven't been on ab recently!

I visit AB nearly every day trying to provide helpful answers to others and asking some of my own. And every day for a couple of months I've posted a pun. SO WHY DO YOU KEEP TELLING ME I HAVEN'T BEEN...
10:17 Fri 03rd Apr 200912 answers, last by factor30 23:29 Sun 05th Apr 2009
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chrisrob

Not a pun - just good clean fun

A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious someone was at home but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. He took out a card and wrote,...
12:56 Thu 02nd Apr 20094 answers, last by Nannyjillx2 19:50 Thu 02nd Apr 2009
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chrisrob

Continuing the drive for appalling puns

Two pieces of tarmac at the bar were boasting how hard they were. "I'm from the bypass," said one. "I'm from the motorway," said the other. Just then a piece of red tarmac came in looking for a fight...
11:27 Thu 02nd Apr 20091 answer, last by squarebear 11:29 Thu 02nd Apr 2009
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chrisrob

At the third pip ...

My (analogue) VCR, my digibox, my mobile phone, my desktop pc (with dial up internet) and my laptop computer (with mobile broadband dongle) all show the "correct" time automatically updated. But they...
20:00 Wed 01st Apr 20096 answers, last by chrisrob 12:06 Thu 02nd Apr 2009
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chrisrob

A spiritual trinity for April 1st?

The clairvoyant was laughing at me so I hit her. I decided to strike a happy medium. > > > > > Police were searching for a short psychic who had escaped from prison. They were looking...
10:52 Wed 01st Apr 2009
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chrisrob

Desktop wallpaper doesn't fit.

My web book has a 1024 x 600 resolution screen. I prepared my own wallpaper to those dimensions and used it on the desktop. Fine. (I am using Windows XP by the way.) To keep desktop clear, I selected...
18:14 Tue 31st Mar 20092 answers, last by chrisrob 09:19 Wed 01st Apr 2009
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chrisrob

How can I protect my saddle against mildew?

Haven't been able to ride my bike for 18 months. It's been kept locked in a secure metal shed - rainproof but inevitably damp. Now my fitness levels are returning, I took it out to clean it in...
16:13 Tue 31st Mar 20095 answers, last by Stevesw 22:12 Tue 31st Mar 2009
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chrisrob

One of my favourites - thanks to Rev Awdry

The train had a nervous breakdown and went off the rails. (From Thomas the Tank Engine.) > > > > > > Why couldn't the steam engine sit down? He had a tender behind.
13:32 Tue 31st Mar 2009

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