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chrisrob

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chrisrob

Today's carwichet

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank. This proves once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
10:56 Wed 11th Mar 20091 answer, last by nightmare 13:33 Wed 11th Mar 2009
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chrisrob

3 quick quips:

Sign at a nudist camp: Sorry - Clothed for Winter. > > > > > I tried to get my bicycle to stand up... but it was two tired. > > > > > When a tree goes on holiday, it...
09:58 Tue 10th Mar 20091 answer, last by waterboatman 06:40 Wed 11th Mar 2009
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chrisrob

Feeling unwell

a man went to an alternative therapist who gave him a length of thin leather. "Chew an inch of this a day," he was told. A month later, the leather string was finished and the man still didn't feel...
11:11 Mon 09th Mar 20092 answers, last by chrisrob 13:53 Wed 11th Mar 2009
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chrisrob

Beastlypuns

Three for the priceof one, today as they're all pretty poor: "It's raining cats and dogs outside." " I know. I almost stepped in a poodle." How do you get down from an elephant? You don't, you get...
09:51 Sun 08th Mar 20091 answer, last by heathfield 18:36 Sun 08th Mar 2009
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chrisrob

Eye say, eye say, eye say

Underwater ophthalmology lens itself to more aqueous humor and cornea puns.
12:01 Sat 07th Mar 2009
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chrisrob

Groom

When the jockey saw the groom sprinkling something behind his horse's neck, he asked, "What's that?" "Yeast," he replied, "to stop birds building nests in your horse's mane." "How does that work?" the...
09:56 Fri 06th Mar 20091 answer, last by squarebear 13:31 Fri 06th Mar 2009
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chrisrob

Breakfast

At breakfast time I am so hungry I could murder a bowl of cornflakes. Does that make me a cereal killer? > > > > > Puns are awful but poetry's verse!
09:16 Thu 05th Mar 20092 answers, last by Panic Button 21:53 Thu 05th Mar 2009
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chrisrob

Car Park

An official stopped me in the hospital car park to tell me "You can't park here. It's badge holders only" "But I have got a bad shoulder!" I replied.
09:45 Wed 04th Mar 20098 answers, last by chrisrob 11:26 Fri 06th Mar 2009
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chrisrob

Snake

This woman ordered an exotic snake through a mail order operation. When the package arrived, there were only feathery necklaces in the box. Apparently, the boa cons tricked her.
11:03 Tue 03rd Mar 20093 answers, last by sophie_1003 17:17 Tue 03rd Mar 2009
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chrisrob

The Musical Director

annoyed the oboist couldn't keep time, shot him. Arrested and tried, he was sentenced to the electric chair. When they pulled the switch nothing happened. "I guess I'm a bad conductor," he agreed....
10:34 Mon 02nd Mar 20091 answer, last by slinkycat 01:34 Thu 05th Mar 2009
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chrisrob

The old uns are the best

Did you know that people tend to tell worse puns as they get older? That's why we call them groan-ups.
13:48 Sun 01st Mar 2009
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chrisrob

A hearse

is making its way up a steep hill to the cemetery. The back door flies open and the casket slides out. It hurtles through the window of a chemist shop and slides across the counter. A ghostly voice...
13:47 Sun 01st Mar 20094 answers, last by Sachs 18:56 Mon 02nd Mar 2009
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chrisrob

Frank Muir & Dennis Norton

fronted a radio panel game when I was growing up that ended in them providing unlikely origins for well known phrases and sayings. I can't remember what the programme was called. It gave me my love of...
13:42 Sat 28th Feb 20092 answers, last by chrisrob 13:52 Sat 28th Feb 2009
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chrisrob

I came home from holiday to find the bin men at the house.

One of them was Chinese. He asked me, "Where's yer bin?" I said I'd been to Mauritius. "No. Where's yer weely bin?" "Well I've really been to Brighton but don't tell the neighbours." > > >...
11:03 Sat 28th Feb 20091 answer, last by rojash 03:11 Tue 03rd Mar 2009
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chrisrob

Toes

Since my friend had the digits on his foot removed, I've found him annoying. Perhaps I'm just lack toes intolerant?
11:35 Fri 27th Feb 20093 answers, last by Avatar 17:29 Mon 02nd Mar 2009
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chrisrob

A traveller stops at a monastery

He is hungry and is taken to the kitchens. A brother is frying chips. "Are you the friar?" he asks. "No. I'm the chip monk," he replies.
08:52 Thu 26th Feb 20093 answers, last by Everhelpful 19:50 Fri 27th Feb 2009
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chrisrob

NHS waiting times

1. I had my operation cancelled yesterday. After 3 1/2 hours in the hospital being seen by nurses, the surgeon and anaesthetist, I was told sorry, they have a bed shortage. Phoning admissions this...
15:21 Wed 25th Feb 200913 answers, last by mrs_overall 15:05 Thu 26th Feb 2009
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chrisrob

A joke competition

I entered. It asked for a clever pun. I sent in 10 sure one of them would win. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
09:44 Wed 25th Feb 20092 answers, last by heathfield 10:09 Wed 25th Feb 2009
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chrisrob

Nudist & Philosopher

Having a chat. Philosopher: "Have you read Marx?" Nudist: "It's the wicker chairs!"
19:45 Tue 24th Feb 20092 answers, last by catweasle 00:17 Wed 25th Feb 2009
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chrisrob

computer freezes

Not sure why it's doing it but my desktop machine frequently freezes requiring a reboot. It's nearly 6 years old but it was state of the art then - 2.8MHz,1 Gb memory, 80Gb + 150Gb hard drives etc and...
10:58 Tue 17th Feb 20095 answers, last by chrisrob 14:47 Tue 17th Feb 2009

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