I Have A Dilema That I Hopr Abers Can Help Me With...........

[Jeza]

Before my son died he had only lived with his girl friend for about 10 weeks, and had only been seeing her for about 6 months. He moved in to her rented accommodation with her.
Since he died in 2009 she is always asking us to pay some bill or another which we have done.
When Mic became ill and we were advised that we would have to pay full care costs I told her that this would have to stop. I still pay her bedroom tax of £11 odd a week and I sent her £150 at Christmas.

Today I received flowers for Mothers Day. I know I have to ring and thank her, but I also know she will tell me how she couldn't really afford them as she has this, that, and the other bills to pay. I know this is trying to guilt trip me in to paying them.

Please tell me how you would deal with this.

[pusskin]

Jeza, if it was me, there's no way i would send her £100, just offer one months money, and would definately not ring her up, but write a lovely thank you note to say many thanks, and pop it in the postbox.
I think you've been very kind to her and she should understand that maybe its time her daughter should try and help her out now. Enough is enough.
Take care jeza x

[Dee Sa]

Jeza you have been supporting a 43yr old woman for 5 years, enough is enough, it cant go on. I agree with other posts send her the amount you think the flowers cost and a note card saying that's all you can afford and in future all your money has to go on Mic's care, don't send a £100 or it will continue she must thank her lucky stars every time she gets more money from you, presume you paid for son's funeral too ?Be strong and firm about it no more money she is just sponging off you, shame on her.

[tonyav]

Jeza, you have to think of Mic and yourself first now, put a stop on your money going to this women.

[Jeza]

I have only met her once and that was at the funeral. I/We did pay for it. At the time she said as I was next of kin so it was down to me. Funnily enough I'd forgotten about that.

[tonyav]

You know what you have to do, Jeza.

[Psybbo]

Jeza, enough is enough, do not give any more money, you're overstretched as it is. Why on earth does she expect it!

[pusskin]

Jeza, at the time my sons marriage was ending, my daughter -in-law pleaded with him to ask me to help them out of recent money troubles.
I helped them out with £3000 and i didnt even get a text message from her to thank me --say no more --would never ever do that again.
Keep your money in your pocket. You and Mic need money for his care.

[DTCwordfan]

Jeza, I agree with the comments here - no more. Think of the Bacardis and Coke for you and perhaps a tipple for Mic when he's up to it. My old man pickled himself in his last few months on vintage port and brandy, the port a very good case I had left at the family house for 'safety and good storage conditions' when I was travelling.

More fool me :-)

[DTCwordfan]

pusskin, that's disgraceful.

If you send tony and me £3000 each, we will at least send you thank you notes, even on a nice dtc card in my case.

[mrs_overall]

Jeza, you have a very big heart which this woman is confusing with a very big bank balance.
I am in agreement with the others, this has to stop now and please DO NOT send her the £100.
You have enough on your plate without this parasite leeching from you.
It will be interesting to see if she keeps in touch once the money stops. Please keep us posted on what happens

[EcclesCake]

I sincerely hope you stop these payments as you are being taken advantage of.

What I simply cannot understand is how you got yourselves into the position to begin with.

[Baldric]

//At the time she said as I was next of kin so it was down to me//

Says it all really, no more money for her, she's a big girl now!

[NoMercy]

Good Lord it's high time this woman stood on her own two feet and stopped taking advantage of your good nature.

How much help has she given with Mik's care?

[askyourgran]

I agree with all the comments on here jeza. You have been more than generous considering that your son only lived with her for such a short while. You and mic come first now, you have not reason to feel guilty. Thank her for the flowers and tell her that you cannot continue to help her out any longer and that you hope she'll understand.

[Jeza]

Here goes. I have not as yet thanked her for the flowers, As suggested I will write to her.
As for help with the care of Mic, none, though I will say she is not local to me.

[tonyav]

Your doing the right thing, Jeza.

[anneasquith]

does she send you flowers often ?

[horseshoes]

She sounds a bit of a horror Jeza. You hang on to your money; Mic is WAY more important than somebody you have no responsibility for. I am truly amazed at her cheek. All the best to you and Mic. x