Being so much in the news at the moment, it got me thinking of someone, I knew, of, who jumped in front of a vehicle on a busy A road, it didnt kill him but he was left with life changing injuries, now thankfully I have never had suicidle thoughts, and hopefully never do, I would be to scared to do it anyway, or do you think those thoughts of being scared would not even exist.
I like that description Andy, for me the attempt was triggered my a depression that did not cause pain but total numbness, I had disconnected from feelings had no concept of my actions affecting others and knew with a strange certainty I did not belong in the world, I tried, failed, and learned to live with the disconnect. I can now pass for normal and that's ok.
For me, the first time it was the thought that everyone would just be better off if I wasn't here anymore. I was a burden that they didn't want or need in their lives and killing myself would make their lives better.
The second time I just didn't want to be in pain anymore. My heart ached so much that I thought the world will never be right so what is the point in going on, much better to just go to sleep and never wake up again.
On both occasions, I was very angry that I survived for quite a while... very glad I did now..