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marval | 23:08 Wed 01st May 2019 | Jokes
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The man who makes the giant eclairs at our local patisserie is retiring next week. There’ll be some big chouxs to fill when he goes

When I got into the office this morning I saw several long sticks had been placed in the boardroom. It must be a staff meeting.

Three men were arrested after an armed raid at Millets today. They were charged with possession with a tent to supply.

My dog can drink a bowl of water really quickly. In fact, he has just broken his own lap record.

I was waiting at the bar at a fancy dress disco last night, when two people dressed as the letter ‘P’ and ‘R’ tried to get in front of me. I said “Do you not realise there is a queue?”

I woke in the night, worrying about my blunt lawnmower, the hedge trimmer with no wire, barrow with no wheel, the leaking roof and rusty padlock. I just think I have got a shed load of problems on my mind.

Every time I get to the end of my road a man is always there offering me a hot beverage. It must be a tea junction.

‘Win a trolley full of goodies.’ The Tesco advert said in the newspaper. Imagine my disappointment after being informed I had won to find Graham Garden, Bill Oddie and Tim Brooke Taylor left in a trolley outside my house tonight.


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