Music0 min ago
favourite joke's
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come on ABers,i am doing a poll on the AB's favourite jokes!!
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A Mr. Jones was sued by a Mrs. Johnson for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. Mr. Jones was indeed found guilty and fined.
After the trial he asked the judge, "Your Honor, this means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?"
The judge said that was true.
"Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked.
The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig 'Mrs. Johnson' with no fear of legal action.
Mr. Jones grinned, looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson"...
After the trial he asked the judge, "Your Honor, this means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?"
The judge said that was true.
"Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked.
The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig 'Mrs. Johnson' with no fear of legal action.
Mr. Jones grinned, looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson"...
A young blonde comes home from school, and asks her mother. "Is it true what Gemma just told me - that babies come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?". "Yes dear", replied her mum, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn`t have to explain it. "But then when I have a baby, won`t it knock my teeth out?"
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do
whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
An email I rec'd yesterday:
A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital when during her tour, she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.
"Oh my GOD!!" screamed the woman, "That's disgraceful!!! Why is he doing that?"
The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least 5 times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture".
"Oh well, in that case, I guess it's ok." commented the woman.
In the very next room, a male patient was lying in bed and it was obvious that a nurse was performing oral sex on him. Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD!! How can THAT be justified?"
Again the doctor spoke very calmly, "Same illness but he's with Bupa"
A doctor says to a patient in hospital, ''I've got some good news and some bad news Mr Jones''. ''Oh no, whats the bad news doctor?'' says Mr Jones. ''I'm afraid we've had to amputate both your legs'', says the doctor. ''Oh my god!! Whats the good news then?says Mr Jones. The doctor replies ''The man in the next bed wants to buy your shoes!!!''
