ChatterBank0 min ago
Ex-Wife Wants To Change Daughter's Surname
My boyfriend's ex wife has a new partner whom she's going to marry. She and my boyfriend had a daughter together when they were married. She hasn't let him see his daughter for about 4 years now (for ridiculous reasons).
She's now been in touch to ask if he'd let her change the daughter's surname to her new partners. Even if not totally, what about using both surnames. He obviously doesn't want to!
She's also said her new partner wants to adopt my boyfriend's daughter - which again, he's not happy about.
He can't afford to hire a solicitor otherwise he'd have taken her to court well before now and he's not the type of person who can do it alone.
Does anyone know where he stands as to the law, ie can his ex do any of this without his consent?
She's now been in touch to ask if he'd let her change the daughter's surname to her new partners. Even if not totally, what about using both surnames. He obviously doesn't want to!
She's also said her new partner wants to adopt my boyfriend's daughter - which again, he's not happy about.
He can't afford to hire a solicitor otherwise he'd have taken her to court well before now and he's not the type of person who can do it alone.
Does anyone know where he stands as to the law, ie can his ex do any of this without his consent?
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Info here which needs careful reading
http://
info about adoption here
https:/
in both cases having parental responsibility is the key bit I think.
http://
info about adoption here
https:/
in both cases having parental responsibility is the key bit I think.
Your boyfriend and his (ex) wife had a child together so I'm assuming his name will be on the daughter's birth certificate. I'm not at all sure about the legal position, but I'm sure woofgang's link will be a great help. Seems there might be a bit of history here if your boyfriend's ex wife will not let him see his daughter. Does your boyfriend support his daughter financially?
I'm only on safer ground so far as Scottish Law is concerned so getting legal advice would be my advice for what it's worth. Maybe CAB might be a good first step. Hope things work out for you all.
I'm only on safer ground so far as Scottish Law is concerned so getting legal advice would be my advice for what it's worth. Maybe CAB might be a good first step. Hope things work out for you all.
Yes, he's named on the birth certificate. Yes, he supports her financially. He has wanted to fight from day 1 to gain access, but simply cannot afford solicitor's fees and court fees, which I've already mentioned. He's tried time and time again to gain access but she has the upper hand and just says no. She very contradictory in the texts she sends him! She's only 4 at the moment so not sure she'll have a full grasp of what's going on?
I take it there's no way she could go behind his back to change the surname?
I take it there's no way she could go behind his back to change the surname?
Thanks for those links woofgang - very informative. Although he does have parental responsibility, she has never contacted him about where she's living, what school she goes to, health, anything basically! He has to ask how she is all the time - she never does it off her own back. Although if he leaves it slightly longer than usual in asking, she'll say "you don't care about your daughter" (told you she was contradictory!).
She can't change the surname on the birth certificate but can call him any name she wants and even register him at school under a different name as long as they also have the real name. A friend of mine did the same thing -re-married and called her then 5 year old boy by the surname of her new partner. As soon as the boy was old enough he started to want his real fathers name and ditched the name everyone through school had known him by. Tricky one but legally the new partner can't adopt a child without both parents consent,so therefore can't change the name either without consent.
//If he has not been prepared to fight to see his daughter for four years, does he care?//
Did not Becky Sharp say in Vanity Fair set in 1815 - only two centuries ago - I could be a good woman on £5000 a year ?
No doubt Buffie's fren' would say I could be a good father if I had £4000 to spare on lawyers fees
but he hasnt
It looks as tho he has parental responsibility and has to agree ( or else she would nt ask but wd just go ahead
-
I am not a lawyer but I think he should write and decline the suggestion
Did not Becky Sharp say in Vanity Fair set in 1815 - only two centuries ago - I could be a good woman on £5000 a year ?
No doubt Buffie's fren' would say I could be a good father if I had £4000 to spare on lawyers fees
but he hasnt
It looks as tho he has parental responsibility and has to agree ( or else she would nt ask but wd just go ahead
-
I am not a lawyer but I think he should write and decline the suggestion
-- answer removed --
He could offer them a deal ....
... they agree to give him proper, regular access (and prove they mean it by complying for a year or two) then he will let the name change happen?
If the new partner eventually adopts the child, then any financial contribution could be reassessed/renegotiated at that point too.
... they agree to give him proper, regular access (and prove they mean it by complying for a year or two) then he will let the name change happen?
If the new partner eventually adopts the child, then any financial contribution could be reassessed/renegotiated at that point too.
Sunny-Dave - I thought about that too - he's got a bit of leverage now that she wants something off him! But then again, if she let him see his daughter for however long and then he says okay, you can change the name, what's to stop her from saying haha, you can't see her anymore now?!
It's just good to know that it's not an easy process to go through if he says no to the name change. She's had it her way for way too long!!
It's just good to know that it's not an easy process to go through if he says no to the name change. She's had it her way for way too long!!
Sunny dave has said what I was going to suggest. Let them do a deal that helps both sides.
Also the BF should at least speak to someone like 'Familys need fathers' they can help in this situation. A family court need not be expensive he could represent himself, they are very much in favour of 'Fathers rights' now and very helpfull to fathers who want to make their own case.
Also the BF should at least speak to someone like 'Familys need fathers' they can help in this situation. A family court need not be expensive he could represent himself, they are very much in favour of 'Fathers rights' now and very helpfull to fathers who want to make their own case.
Familys need fathers link here at least get him to phone the help line for advice.
http://
http://
retro, he's kind of right. If the court believe that the father is a risk to the child and the child's best interests are served by adoption then they WILL allow it.
"Fathers’ rights
As the child’s father you’ll be asked to agree to the adoption - but only if you have parental responsibility.
If you were never married to the child’s mother or named on the birth certificate, you can apply to the court for a Parental Responsibility Order to get parental responsibility.
Trying to stop the adoption process
If the adoption process has started, you should get legal advice from a solicitor or Citizens Advice.
To make an adoption legal, a court has to grant a court order.
The agency arranging the adoption must let you know what your rights are - and also at what point the adoption can’t be stopped.
If you don’t want your child to be adopted, a court will give you the chance to say why. A social worker, independent of the adoption agency, will visit you and:
record the reasons you don’t want your child adopted
let the court know these reasons - you can go to court to explain them
An adoption order can’t be made unless the court thinks it’s in your child’s best interests.
Adoption without your consent
A court can decide the adoption can go ahead without your consent if:
it thinks the child would be put at risk if they weren’t adopted - it will send you the evidence they have been given, eg from social services
you’re incapable of giving consent - eg due to a mental disability"
https:/
"Fathers’ rights
As the child’s father you’ll be asked to agree to the adoption - but only if you have parental responsibility.
If you were never married to the child’s mother or named on the birth certificate, you can apply to the court for a Parental Responsibility Order to get parental responsibility.
Trying to stop the adoption process
If the adoption process has started, you should get legal advice from a solicitor or Citizens Advice.
To make an adoption legal, a court has to grant a court order.
The agency arranging the adoption must let you know what your rights are - and also at what point the adoption can’t be stopped.
If you don’t want your child to be adopted, a court will give you the chance to say why. A social worker, independent of the adoption agency, will visit you and:
record the reasons you don’t want your child adopted
let the court know these reasons - you can go to court to explain them
An adoption order can’t be made unless the court thinks it’s in your child’s best interests.
Adoption without your consent
A court can decide the adoption can go ahead without your consent if:
it thinks the child would be put at risk if they weren’t adopted - it will send you the evidence they have been given, eg from social services
you’re incapable of giving consent - eg due to a mental disability"
https:/
"^^ FNF can provide a 'Makensie friend' who will represent him at a court hearing. "
Be careful, Eddie. Whilst they are very useful, "A McKenzie Friend" cannot represent anybody in court in the proper sense and buffymad should not be given the wrong impression. They are best seen as "paralegals". Whilst they do have formal recognition in the Criminal Justice System they have no right of audience (though some judges may allow them to address the court in certain circumstances). Having said that they are extremely useful to "litigants in person" who are not represented. They can (among other things):
- help with court papers
- attend court with the litigant (and sit in the well of the court)
- give advice to the litigant in court
- take notes about the case
As I said, they are indeed useful, but their limitations should be made known.
Be careful, Eddie. Whilst they are very useful, "A McKenzie Friend" cannot represent anybody in court in the proper sense and buffymad should not be given the wrong impression. They are best seen as "paralegals". Whilst they do have formal recognition in the Criminal Justice System they have no right of audience (though some judges may allow them to address the court in certain circumstances). Having said that they are extremely useful to "litigants in person" who are not represented. They can (among other things):
- help with court papers
- attend court with the litigant (and sit in the well of the court)
- give advice to the litigant in court
- take notes about the case
As I said, they are indeed useful, but their limitations should be made known.
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