No need to apologise BC. As has been said a heavy long bladed knife through the length of the body and some nut crackers on the claws will see you right.
I still dream of my (long ago) hoiliday in New England, when I was able to utter the words "I'm bored with Lobster - shall we have something else tonight" ...
I've only ever bought and cooked live lobsters but have been tempted by the adverts on TV to make Thermidor or grilled with a garlicky herb butter at Christmas.
I can see some very enjoyable practice runs ahead :-)
I would have thought that if you use it to make thermidor, frozen would be fine. My mate used to do some work in a hotel restaurant in N Devon and they had their own lobster pots. They didn`t worry if they hadn`t sold all of their lobster at the end of the day because there would be more in the pots in the morning so they gave the leftovers to the staff. My friend became so sick of lobster that she used to give it to her cat.
Lock yourself in the bathroom ??? Does it go through that quickly then ?
I read the Mail on Sunday Lidl recommendation too. Was interested until I read their bit on how to prepare/get the meat out. Seemed a right faff. Put me off to be honest. Especially the description of some of the bit you find. Pity because I like the taste of lobster even if I find it a bit subtle.
I think they are probably killed by the freezing which is fairy humane in itself. I can't see any company with an eye for a quick buck bothering to kill them first. A recommended way to kill crabs and lobsters is to chill them to less than 5C when they become comatose then stab them in the vitals.