What to do....

[ummmm]

My 13 year old son has been looking positively depressed for quite a while now. He uses my phone to send texts. Tonight for the first time ever I looked through them. Not a pretty story :-(

He's obviously (thinks) totally in love with a girl. She feels the same way on some days but rejects him on others....and it seems to be really messing with his head.

I sent her a message on FB (maybe I shouldn't have done but I was angry) to tell her to stop texting him as she's playing as nasty game.

What can I say to him??? His messages to her sound almost suicidal....that's why I told her to stop texting.

I know her home life has been pretty tough from what he says....but c'mon, isn't 13 too young to be playing games?

[dothawkes31]

Once he stops 'hating' you for 'showing him up to his mates' he'll probably have got past it all and be engrossed in the impending World Cup, he'll probably not see her for a couple of weeks now as it's almost easter and hopefully he'll get distracted. Poor lad must be confused, she sounds alot more street wise , though not very mature, I've interferred in the love lives of all three of my kids, always because I could see the potential disaster, not once can i say I was thanked for it, several times I was verbally abused for it lol and yet it still went wrong cos they didn't/wouldn't listen. but it's part o growing up.
Not to trivialise his emotions, but he's probably being moody for her benefit too, maybe he thinks it's cool to be moody? Blame Robert Pattinson lol

[sara3]

half the 13 year old girls I see think they look like some kind of glamour model.. they're proper scary!

you should keep out of it, but it's hard not to. my son is also 13, and I want to fight all his battles for him. tis the curse of teenage hormones.. !

[stokemaveric]

its awful when you see your kids hurting ummmm isnt it??...my advice would to be try ad not to interfere too much [yes it is hard]...and yes 13 is a bit young to be playing head games...im sure your son will have other things to occupy himself in the ext few weeks as dot rightly says id just watch from as my dad used to say eyes ad ears open and mouth shut until you have to use it....good luck.....

[poodicat]

ummmmm know you are in protective mood,but its part of lifes process and he wont llike you interfering

[lotsafun]

hi ummmmm, as a mother myself i understand why you did what you did but i fear that you may have done more harm than good in messaging her on facebook, afterall they are kids and kids can be cruel. My biggest worry is that now she may use this against him and take the mick out him, also he may go against you for the fact that youve possibly publicly embarrassed him.
At the end of the day shes still a kid and probably likes the chase, ok your son is getting upset by it all but thats all part of growing up. As a 13 year old i remember being totally obsessed with the local hottie and he rejected me in public and told me that he just didnt fancy me and that he was infact going out with one of my classmates. As you can imagine there were lots of tears, infact i sobbed foir days due to the humiliation, but i got over it and can laugh about it now.

[ummmm]

I think there are few other issues with him now he's getting 'to that age'

First of all....he's tiny for his age. He's just starting to hit puberty so can now have hormone treatment. Something that has been spoke about since the age of 3.

Second...he has a slight turn in his eye. It's never bothered him before but I'm worried now that it's suddenly become an issue. He has an appointment in the holidays for both issues. I thought these were the problem until I read the messages.

It's heart breaking knowing one of your children are so unhappy...

[JB]

It's a toughie!

Kids these days are miles more advanced than we were (I'm in my thirties) and have all the different forms of communication that we didn't have. We were pretty much forced into face to face dialogue, or at a push over the phone but it was a two-way thing - with text and email there is no immediate reaction, so can be more profound than intended.
You probably shouldn't have messaged her on Facebook without talking to him first (he'll hate you for it - teenage angst and all!) but I can totally see why you did.
Don't know how you should broach the subject now - has she replied to your message?

[stokemaveric]

sorry ummmm my keyboard is playing up...that should read id watch from afar...lol

[ummmm]

Don't know....I haven't checked. I wasn't nasty though.

Up until 8 0/c he had sent her 62 mesages from the time he got home from school. Actually....she texted him before he even got home because I passed him the phone as soon as he got in. I've never read them before and have always told him to delete them. I just wanted an idea of what was going on.

He got jumped last week because of her....

[society]

I've just written a long post saying the same as everyone above then don't know what went wrong with it; only difference is I didn't say to keep out. I'd like to know I'm there to guide or put my two sense in when necessary. I'll meddle but not say you (son) have to do this or that.

[ummmm]

I won't tell him what to do. He knows that...but he also knows I won't stand back and let someone hurt him. He has an older sister.....he knows how I react.

[andy-hughes]

It's such a dilema - wanting your child to be independent and make his own mistakes, but not wanting to stand by and see him hurt if you can prevent it - every parent's instinct.

In my experience, the best balance for both of you is to make yourself available when he wants to talk, but let it come from him. he will find his way through these issues, we all do, and you will be there to look after him if and when he gets things wrong. A little guidance and sympathy will get far better results, and build a better reltationship, than going into battle as his champion - however much you want to, it has to be about what is best for him.

[JB]

62 messages! Must be love!
I would say, tread carefully! If she truly is a nasty piece of work, then you are right to interfere (how did she cause him to get jumped?) but keep your mind open to to possibility that this may be your son's first love!
I was 14 when I met my first boyfriend, and we were together for over three years. I've now been married (not to him!) for over 10 years, but can absolutely say that that was the most intense relationship I've ever had (and I don't regret it for a minute.)
We would see each other all day at school, he'd phone me the minute I'd get home, and then we'd spend all free time together. We split up when we grew apart, but are still great friends now.
Also, if she has a bad home life, can you not welcome her into yours and show her a different way of life?

[ummmm]

Hi JB...

She was playing him off with another lad. As he's teeny weeny for his age, and this lad has two brothers in the school...he couldn't do much about it.

Anyway....I've just read more messages and it would appear that he's playing her in a nasty way as well. He texted her that he'd took some tablets which is untrue as we don't have any in the house.

Now that's another issue to address....I cannot abide emotional blackmail...!!!!

[JB]

OMG - don't envy the position you're in at all! Try to keep a clear head though, you've described your boy as being teeny-weeny with a slight turn in his eye - that's you as a protective mum guarding your young. In reality though, he's a savvy young man who's attracting the girlies (and playing them at their own game by the sounds of it!) Credit where credit is due, he seems like he's holding his own here! Take it he wasn't badly hurt when he was jumped (hopefully)?

[society]

He is more cunning than you think.

[Mamyalynne]

Oh heck ummmm they do make you jump through hoops don`t they? You are right to keep a weather eye on it all and tell him you are doing so. Yes he may say he hates you but that goeas with the territory as you know. Also impress on him how devious and untrustworthy she is.

Good Lucl

M

[ummmm]

No he wasn't JB...just a bit humiliated I think.

He's a good looking boy....but all the girls are bigger than him. My 11 year old is loads bigger now which I think he finds really embarassing.

I'm going to have to pull him up about the messages he's sent as they are unacceptable.

I'm feeling very disappointed at the moment, and upset...

[ummmm]

Yes society....I started this thinking he was the victim :-(