Hookups Or Relationships? Why?

[juancarlos1999]

What do you prefer?

[Ringlet]

I confess that I don't really understand the term "hookups".

I think it is an American term, and may mean the same as "one night stands" which is a term that those of a certain age in the UK might be more familiar with.

Is that correct?

[lankeela]

How can you know whether you want a relationship with anyone until you have met them/dated them etc? Every relationship must start with an initial meeting. Whether that then goes on to be a relationship is something you would not know until it happens. Unless you are one of those people who desperately want to be in a relationship no matter who with.

[barry1010]

A hook up is far more than a first date, lankeela. It is for sex with no intention of developing any sort of relationship

[MissTerious]

I dated a lot from 16 but not hookups if hookup always implies sex. I simply avoided any relationships until six weeks before I got married at 25 and that relationship has so far lasted 50 years. I must admit it was just a hook up with benefits but no ties initially.

I therefore liked hookups which were fun and carefree and now am happy with a relationship.

[MissTerious]

Unless you are one of those people who desperately want to be in a relationship no matter who with.....

Which seems to be the norm with a lot of young people these days Lankeela!

[lankeela]

I have a few friends who are desperate to be with a man no matter what they are like and at least two who are on their third husband - none of which I would give house room to. Cannot see any benefit other than someone to fetch a new toilet roll if you are caught short on the loo.

[lankeela]

Barry so its a one night stand then. Same applies, until you have been on that one night stand how would you know if you wanted to spend the rest of your life with that person even if the intention was just a casual fling?

[MissTerious]

So should I consider all my dates for 9 years as one night stands. Some continued for a fewweeks and one was three months. but I never committed to a relationship or gave up dating other blokes for anybody even in my long hook up who I married.

[MissTerious]

I would never go out looking for a casual fling!

[barry1010]

MissTerious, only if you had sex with all of them on those one night stands.

A first date is meeting up for a chat, a coffee, maybe a meal or a drink. Getting to know each other. Maybe there will be sex but that isn't assumed at the beginning of the date.

A hook up is not necessarily bothering with the chat, the drink, the meal - it is just sex. You both know when you set off that it is going to be sex unless one party is repulsed by the other.

[MissTerious]

Then I've only had one long hook up Sandy. But I wouldn't call a date a one night stand. Suppose you had quite a few dates with different people and sometimes saw all of them a few times and but they didn't involve sex. And if you had three dates with different people in three days. How would you describe that? I never really commited to anybody except once at 16 for three months and called him my boyfriend. Even then we really didn't expect anything lingbtime. But it was a short relationship.

[MissTerious]

Barry, not Sandy!

[MissTerious]

Actually. I've just remembered another relationship. I 'm so old my memory is fading.

[barry1010]

Having one date with different people over different nights? I'd call that dating. I'm my day we dated several people, often meeting different girls on different nights, until we decided we wanted to 'go steady' or 'courting' and then the relationship was exclusive until we either got engaged or broke up. All very old fashioned.
That was in the day when it was fine and expected for men to have one night stands but women who did that got a bad reputation and were called nasty names. I hope that doesn't happen these days. Maybe the likelihood of pregnancy was behind that attitude.

[MissTerious]

We're probably in the same age group Barry. But I never did the courting, going steady or engagement things. I just married my long term hookup(with benefits )It came as a great shock to everybody, including me. We got somewhat Inebriated in Spain and decided to get married. Six weeks later we tied the knot with a very few guests in a registry office, me wearing some way out purple outfit and purple platform boots!! And I wish I was back in those days!!

[Canary42]

As a leading judge said in a famous case in the Sixties,"There's more to marriage than four legs in a bed".

P.S. Hang on while I google it to authenticate my memory.

No, can't find it except references to an Italian Proverb. The judge must have been quoting that. I get the feeling the case involved leading pop singers (during the heyday of Rolling Stones, Marianne Faithful, etc.), or possibly Oz magazine etc. Any Aber with a better recall ?

[barry1010]

You can't have a long term hook up. Today's term for that 'is friend with benefits'.

[MissTerious]

I know Barry. I was just being flippant. It all started though as a hook up though but it carried on, and on. Initially no relationship or friendship. Very unlike me at the time. Instant attraction on both parts.

[juancarlos1999]

Thanks guys for great answers

[Peter Pedant]

from your name
juan Carlos certainly preferred hook ups hur hur hur