how would you feel/ what would you do if........

[ooh-la-la]

You moved into your own flat, and on the first night without asking you, your boyfriend who is not living with you but will be staying most nights let his family come around while you were trying to unpack, and then let his sister stay the night

[welshlibranr]

ooh-la-la, very different culture!.............they are much more family orientate than we are!................now I can see what's going on!.............

[boxtops]

Ah yes - perhaps this is the norm there, but I wouldn't know. Sounds interesting though - a big move for you!

[ooh-la-la]

yes but it's only for 4 months, and then maybe he'll come to live in england with me. I just didn't wanna say yes come and then find it didn't work as i would feel really bad asking him to move out of my flat there with no where to go. Ow I did think that about everybody being close to family but thought he would understand a bit as i don't really get on with mine in fact he even heard me crying down the phone to him as my sister really let me down the day before i came here

[welshlibranr]

I think that, having been to the Dom. Rep. you need to try to understand them!...........they are very much family!.....he does not understand our ways!....why would he!......

[ooh-la-la]

ow now i don't know what to do. I know he's gonna be so mad if i say anything and then even if she does go the atmosphere is going to be really bad between us

[boxtops]

Different cultures have very different ways of looking at family and relationships - good idea to give it a trial period. If it does - will he be OK and able to get into the UK to live with you? Only asking as I was watching a programme of on the UK Border police last night, lots of red tape to get legal entry it seems (but I'm sure you already know that).

[welshlibranr]

EDDIE is right here!..............different culture!.................ooh-la-la, nobody's fault, you have to decide whether or not you can accept this!...........after all, you have gone to live in his land!................

[boxtops]

Er -- the Dominican Republic's nowhere near Africa, it's in the Caribbean.

[pastafreak]

EDDIE...The Dominican Republic is in Central America...so we are talking about Hispanic...and most likely Catholic....but of course with the same problem of understanding the differences of two very different cultures.
The Spanish are very family orientated...whereas the Brits are less so...you will have to meet in the middle somewhere,ooh-la-la

[welshlibranr]

right so boxtops, it is!............very primive for the most part, except for the holiday resort areas!..........thwy do speak spanish however!.............B

[pastafreak]

Sorry....boxy is correct....it is an Island.......but still Hispanic...lol

[ooh-la-la]

yes i think i did know that a little before i came. It's about a 2 hour flight away from miami in the caribbean Imma talk to him when he gets back he's really not going to be happy with me. Check out some dating sites a bit later on, you'll probably find me on one!!! lol!!

[boxtops]

LOL ooh-la-la - let us know how you get on.... with the guy, not the dating sites!! Got to go to bed now, it's half past midnight here...!

[welshlibranr]

ooh-la-la, I spent some time in the Dom. Rep. and they are very primitive by our standards, you need to understand that to them, family is everything, so I can understand why things happened the way they did when you arrived!....you need to either,understand them, or leave!.......

[pastafreak]

My SIL is Cuban...and if she is anything to go by-your BFs family will be eager to be involved...what one family member does-all the others need to know about.
I would not equate it with being 'primitive'....just closer family ties than us.

[lcg]

i'd be peed off. i would assert my feelings and ask family politely to give me space. also, if he is expecting to stay with you, he should certainly be contributing to costs. if you don't say anything now, he will just take advantage of you and get the wrong idea about you being weak and not able to balance the relationship evenly. what will you be doing next? his dirty laundry and picking it off the floor? i don't think so...x

[welshlibranr]

pasta,sorry but I have spent time there, and their lives are really privitive compared to ours!..........the poorer folk ................they still live in huts!......I have seen it!..........Their lives are nothing like ours!...........

[boxtops]

A bit like Morocco then pasta, perhaps - extreme poverty and very good standards of living, at opposite ends of the same road.