Do men feel the same?

[baggysenior]

i've seen the light! i've just been reading some of my older posts about my ex and i, and our turbulent relationship, and i can CLEARLY see a controlling pattern going on. I'm pretty confident that i was a victim of control, but hey, i was weak. I'm now feeling so much stronger, new house, left job, going to uni (as a mature student- oh im old!) but just when i'm thinking i'm over him, an eerie, gut wrenching feeling comes over me and thinks of him with another woman. I'm told that this is just a woman thing, but is it? do men (i mean men not boys) have that feeling or is it really a case of so long farewell, on to the next one(i appreciate all men aren't the same) it would be intresting to hear from a few men. Especially single ones because i'm newly single now so...... only joking! x

[andy-hughes]

I broke up with my firsts serious girlfriend when I was twenty-one, she finished with me and eventually married the 'other' guy.

It took me years to get over it - she seriously broke my heart. i didn't date for two years, and although I love my wife dearly, it is not with the consuming passion I had for my first love. Just as well, because we would never have lasted, we were too young and too immature.

However, I thought of her often, and tried not to imagine her with her first, or second husband.

It was thirty-five years ago - and we have just exchanged greetings of Friends Reunited, which feels very strange. I am not going to meet up with her - she hurt me too much to ever see her again, no 'Remember when we ...' smiling looking back for me.

I know that some guys are very much 'Thanks ... next ///' but I was never one of them, and I don't imagine I'll change now.

[redman41]

Being able to move on without looking back with regret is important. You now have a new beginning so make the most of it, what's in the past is in the past.
I have been lucky enough to find my true Soulmate last Year so be positive and something good will eventually turn up, probably when you least expect it.
New Year, new Man in your life ! Good luck !

[Sqad]

Too complicated a question to answer.........but you have come to the right on-line advice site.

[Old_Geezer]

Everyone is different; but if you are asking if all men can be in a meaningful relationship, see it end, and be right as rain immediately, then obviously no. Different people, different situations, different reactions.

[NOX]

The great love of my life is my ex wife and I loved her to distraction. I regret very much that we're not still together although we've been apart for a few years now and she has a new man, whose actually a top bloke, and has had children since.
Do I find it hard? Yes and no - yes in the sense that I know I made mistakes and I can very clearly see what they were now, and no because I'm happy that she's happy and that we have managed to foster what I consider to be an excellent relation ship as ex's and that my kids are well looekd after.
I don't think men anymore than women are incapable of loving deeply and for a long time, I think it's just a laddish thing to not admit it.

[The Builder]

..... how long have you got Baggers?
Yes, we can feel the same thing. Even Builder's have feelings ....... ahem ........

[rowanwitch]

Pinki stop matchmaking....

[baggysenior]

i understand different people, different situations and i appreciate that, i was just interested in what men thought that's all. I don't have a lot of male interaction so it helps me gain insight. My ex was a very deep and passionate man. A mature man of 42 with immature actions and outbursts but hey so long!
I find your answer andy-hughes really nice but also quite sad. It's so strange you mention your first love. My first love broke my heart. We were young too at 21, but i always recall saying to myself i hope i get my day.
Just recently i met up with him via facebook. We met in a pub, every memory came flooding back with fondness for me, but he told me nobody had compared to me and that for 13 years he'd thought about me and the way he'd treated me towards the end of our relationship.
He wanted me back,he said he had never felt this way and craved to hold me.
His feelings sadly were'nt reciprocated and i said we'd be best off as just friends. So i did get my day, but it didn't feel as good as i thought it would. I'm a woman now.
I don't think i'll get the same 'remember this time.....' time with my recent ex. He has been nasty and i don't like what he's done, that doesn't however stop me feeling sick when i think of him with someone else. He once told me sex without feeling means nothing to him, so i know he's not a player, but i do know he craves companionship so the thought of him just hugging another woman makes me feel horrible.
BUT...... that just part of the progress of healing. I hope the feeling goes. In some ways i'm quite spiteful because i want him to hurt thinking of me moving on. I hate myself for saying that.
I'll just keep on moving forward......

[Sqad]

baggy....bloody hell....I didnt know love was THAT complicated.

[baggysenior]

trying to match make me? well what can i say, i'm a size 12 dark haired 33 year old nurse looking for.......?? ha ha.
I laughed when i saw builders response! typical! my ex was a builder! not a builder that was a player though.....if thats possible! he was an 'emotional' builder haha if one exists!!

[thos]

squad glad to see you are on .few days ago asked question about c o p d you and marie 26 sent me detailed information i couldnot answer in reply .i want to thank you both saw nursec yesterday she has helped with rearranging inhalers .Once again thanks a lot

[Sqad]

thos...no problem.

[andy-hughes]

i guess my answer is sad baggy, but what doesn't kill us makes us strong as the saying goes, so although I was devastated, I got past it.

Moving forward is the key, but sometimes you get swept backwards as well, and have to make up some ground, but it does happen, so hang in there.

[baggysenior]

i'm hanging on for dear life. This man isn't going to drag me down to his level. As i've said, i've moved into a lovely little house with my 3yr old,i've healed well from an operation, i'm leaving my job and starting University next month i don't know what more would convince my ex or anyone else for that matter that i am moving on and intend to keep moving... hopefully forwards. Please peeps, if i ever come on here saying my ex has contacted me (i don't think he will)you all have the right to tell me where to go!
I'm too emotional i think, no disrespect to any men but i don't know why i think i need a man to be happy. Perhaps hypotherapy would work!

[andy-hughes]

In the difficult times after a breakup, the lonliness and insecurity always makes anyone think of the good times they had, carefully ignoring the reasons why they are now alone!

From there is is a very short step to 'trying again' because it feels better than being alone, and you can find all sorts of good points to focus on, while ignoring the fact that in a very short time, you will both be scratching open the wounds that hurt you the first time round.

So no, you do not 'need' a man to be happy - you may want a man who makes you happy, but that is a word away from needing one.

Concentrate on building a good store or self-reliance and independence, and you will be stepping away from as repeat performance, either with an ex, or another man who may seem suitable at first sight.

Take the time to me sure - if a new man is right, he will wait.

[baggysenior]

you're very good at advice andy-hughes. I truly welcome it. thankyou.

[Count-A-Strong]

andy - I found your posts refreshingly honest. I too had a very similar experience when I was 21 and still think about her occasionally (even tho I've been married 22 years and had various GF's inbetween her and my wife.

So, in answer to your post baggy, yes men do feel the same!

Incidentally, the former girlfriend still sends Christmas cards to my parents and when i was at their house looking thru the cards, i still got a 'jolt' of memories and feelings when I saw her handwriting.