Hmmm...
I've always been very body-conscious. I'm 5'11" and having been raised on a farm, I have the muscular body of a Russian beet farmer. To add insult to injury, ALL of the women in my family are 5'6" and below, and are of very petite build, which only served to make me feel even MORE like the jolly green giant! I used to think God had it out for me, lol.
So needless to say, I grew up feeling very embarrassed about my size & I hid my body, even when the "lights were out" as you say.
I am also somewhat of a prude in that I do not believe women should parade their bodies in public for all and sundry. To me, unwrapping the package is half the fun.
So I said all of that to say: I DO understand where you are coming from about not feeling comfortable about wearing the barely-there stuff.
As I grew older, I became more comfortable with my body. Weirdly enough--part of becoming comfortable with myself happened when I tried out thong panties, lol.
It's strange, but there's just something about the feel of the barely-there thong under my rather prudish & professional daytime clothing that made me feel...a bit naughty? sexy? both??
Not to mention--thong panties take half a size off of you and your pants fit looser. Weird, huh??
In beginning to wear the thongs & feeling a bit sexier from doing so, I began to feel more comfortable around my husband & a bit "freer" in the bedroom.
Then I began to buy the matching sexy, half bras with the thongs, and THEN, graduated to some tasteful bits of lingerie.
There is something to be said for being comfortable with one's self that is VERY liberating.
When you are comfortable, you relax, and you will just feel a natural sexiness about yourself.
When you feel sexy, you EXUDE that sexiness. It is a feeling that can't be faked. Then, sex is actually better, because you feel a daring you wouldn't otherwise feel.
I can also say that my husband's interest and attention perked up. He also began complimenting me more. I don't even know if he realized it--because he had always been loving & cuddly, so it's hard to describe, but I could just feel the extra attention & I noticed he was more playful and verbal about how sexy he thought I was.
So I didn't --and DON'T--wear the sexy undies for my husband; I wear them for myself. But I can say he reaps the benefit of it, lol...