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Hey Laurence: Indeed, I�ve heard this story so many times. .. from both sides of the equation. I buried a chap last week and recall how challenging�no, impossible it was to get anyone in the family to give me even a scintilla of fond memories about the man. When I feel there�s discomfort among family members, I�m quite straight forward in saying �look, if he was a right *******, then tell me this, as I have no problem saying it in the service!� I never want to represent someone differently than they were. It isn�t fair to the families and it makes the entire funeral process a truly hypocritical farce! Still, no one said a word.
However, as the families and visitors moved out of the church, his daughter came up to me and whispered �thank you. I finally feel free. He raped me when I was eleven.� And before I could utter a word, she had let go of my hand and almost ran down the steps to her car.
Clearly, this situation was different than most I encounter. Nevertheless, I find myself in the midst of a sea of regrets more often than I could ever imagine. It reminds me always of the frailties of the �human condition.�
Fr Bill