is this wrong????

[rugeleyboy]

i know a 31 yr old who has got together with a woman and she has a 9yr old son! well its been going on now for 4 or 5 months and they are a happy little unit! however, its been mentioned that over the weekend he was playing football with the son and they were playing a game called " bare ar5e" this game goes like this................... the first person to let in 10 goals has to bare their bum and let the other kick the ball at it?? surley thats wrong on lots of levels?????

ps...... i would never of suspected him of anything untoward before i heard this?

[Pippa68]

Wrong...yes...on so many levels. The main one being advocating inflicting pain on another human being for fun.

Plain nasty. They should fart on each others heads instead, like normal families do.

[B00]

Why's it wrong for heavens sake?

Most kids of that age adore toilet humour, and the step-dad is just going along with it and making it into a daft game. Why look into it any deeper? Now to me THAT'S wrong.

[ruby27]

From what you describe, yes. I would have some serious concerns about the 31 year old adult. Not knowing the full details I might be being alarmist, but this sounds the sort of behaviour described as grooming

[johnlambert]

yes it is wrong rb
the boy is a minor, the 31 year old is in a position of trust, if this story is true it must be reported to the police. If he is making the boy do this in a public place such as a park what is going on behind closed doors.
Wrong, wrong wrong!!!!!

[Pippa68]

Yeah but that could really hurt, BOO..especially if the ball lands too low!

One thing I have also learned from these 'pain' games is that they can drip into the school playground..I sense there may be trouble ahead ;o)

[B00]

Well obviously pippa none of us know the full facts and rules and regulations of this game (?) But i'm assuming that the bloke in question would kick the ball hard at a 10 yr old child! And if it's aimed at the backside area, how on earth can he get him in that 'sensitive' area?

[rugeleyboy]

B00..... yes i must admit we may be lookingg at this the wrong way but, as you can see already it has a mixed response from the ABers and a very unsure response from the folks around my neck of the woods (his and our friends)

i would never EVER of thought of this in a bad way but the word "grooming" keep getting thrown in???

[Pippa68]

Well we all know that a blokes aim can be pretty appalling ;o)

I am thinking that if a bloke bends over with his undercrackers pulled down, some other bits can be *ahem* vulnerable? there isn't a big space between bum & veg...

[Pippa68]

To be honest RB I wasn't thinking about 'grooming' at all..more the social problems it may cause to an impressionable kid.

I mentioned 'so many levels' as I fear the feelings of friends and family (as you have later confirmed) neighbours, school, and also the idea of inflicting pain on a child, who in return can inflict pain on another for fun.

It needs nipping in the bud...times have changed whether we like it or not.

[B00]

Sorry I meant to say "wouldn't" kick the ball.....

I admit, it's an odd thing to do RB but then I've never had a son, all i'm basing it on is the fact all my friends sons would I think, find this game hysterically funny. It's got the element of 'naughty toilet humour' in it which they find so funny.

I honestly think that's all it is and by looking deeper into it is more wrong.

[Pippa68]

Ahhhh...according to this th ar5e should remain fully clothed.

http://www.odps.org/glossword/index.php?a=term &d=2&t=776

[tiny e.a]

i think that's dodgy, I'm not suggesting that there's no way it could be innocent, as someone has said, he may just be trying to relate to the child by doing what he used to enjoy doing. However, in my view it is completely inappropriate. No adult should encourage any child to bend over and pull down their pants, in public or private. As people have said, it could be percieved as grooming, but even if it's not I think it's a completely unnecessary thing to do. I would be appalled if I was in a park and witnessed a man and boy playing this game, I would also be concerned if my boyfriend started suggesting to his son that they play games involving baring their bottoms at eachother.

Is the childs mother aware of this? I'm not sure it should be town gossip as it sounds like it's becoming, that could be very damaging to the man who could well be completely innocent on the charge of grooming. I suggest the subject is mentioned to the mother and she suggests to her boyfriend that this game is inappropriate and she wanys it to stop. then just keeps a close eye on them. I really would advise you to stop discussing it with so many aquaintances, a mans reputation could be potentially unnecessarily ruined.

[Pippa68]

Did you ever get a whack in the clackers, pa___ul?

[johnlambert]

This is the reason I played rugby as a kid and in the Army, all this homoerotic baring ones backside in order to recieve a stinging pain, sounds very gay to me.

[Pippa68]

Rather 'public school', eh John?

[Hellyon]

The trouble is we are all very sensitive about appropriate behaviour these days and when it comes to children rightly so. The chances are this is just genuinely a silly game and there is nothing sinister in it. However I wouldn't like it if an adult was playing this game with my son. I don't think children being encouraged to bare any normally private part of their anatomy is a good thing any more. It means they would have trouble differentiating what is and isn't appropriate behaviour with another adult.
The fact that there have been several arrests of paeodophiles (one a vicar) who were grooming in our area in the last year brings home how prevalent it is......and we are just a small market town on the edge of nowhere.
How well do you know this chap - could you not point out that some would regard his behaviour inappropriate even though it is just a silly game and that he should be more cautious in the circumstances?