Emotions Explained?

[chanel5]

I get confused when people talk about how they "love" someone but are not "in love" with that person. I can get the "love" part but what is the distinction between "loving" and "being in love"?

This question arose when I read an entry by a previous poster who said her friend was having sex with a man who said he loved her but was not in love with her. I don't get this.

I wonder how other people explain it?

[Cloverjo]

I can love a friend for their personality, generosity, whatever, but not be "in love" with them. I think that's what was meant by the man in the post you mentioned.

[rockyracoon]

I would define it as 'loving' someone is more platonic/familial and 'in love' as being more relationship (as in a couple)

[TheChair]

I love my mum, but I think it would be weird to say I'm in love with her. Same goes for my dog. :-)

[Old_Geezer]

Love is difficult to define and I think refers to a range of the emotional spectrum rather than specific states. I think love itself comprises of a combination of things, including friendship and lust, and they can be present in different ratios.

I love my fellow man (or try to) but I'm not in love with them. The latter involves deep emotions for an individual and a need to be with them. The former is about treating everyone right and wanting us all to progress/succeed.

I think this is similar to the situation when referring to an individual. I may love my brother but I'm not going to be in love with them. I'd do whatever I can for them but I've no need to be that intimate and with them at every opportunity. I don't pine for them if I've not seen them for ages.

I think the man you refer to is saying his love had a large portion of lust in relation to the level of friendship. That he is happy with their company, wishes to spend time with them, and do things for them, but feels no special commitment. If it ended he would recover quickly.

[ummmm]

I love my best mate but I don't want to bonk him.

[Scarlett]

The man in question loves this girl as a friend - someone who has stuck by him for years and who happens to have sex with him. He likes her. But she is not the love of his life. He doesn't experience that adrenalin rush when he sees her. He wouldn't stop having sex with other women for her (and doesn't). She's a good friend with benefits but he hasn't experienced that LOVE you get when you first meet someone who does something amazing to your chemistry and who you can imagine marrying and having kids with. She's not the one, in short.

[chanel5]

Thanks, guys, some good explanations here, and all seem to be pointing toward the same thing. I think what I relate to best is OldGeezer's statement that love comprises a number of things, in different ratios.

I wonder if people who say they love someone, but are not in love with that person, actually analyse their emotion in that way - that is, they might realise there are a lot of feelings of friendship present, but not a lot of loving commitment - or maybe it is based on a "gut feeling".

I'm afraid it is a bit of a mystery to me, but maybe I over-think the issue.
Thanks again, all who answered.

[David H]

I find it's when a man\woman care about someone but doesn't really fancy them. Te Greeks had many forms of love and being in love is reserved for romantic feelings including sexual attraction.

[Prudie]

See I think 'in love' is that crazy feeling you get (often early in the relationship but not always) when you feel a bit drugged, your love interest makes your stomach jolt, occupies your daily thoughts constantly, makes you feel like you're dancing on air etc etc. It usually doesn't last and can then develop into that comfortable and deeper love or not.