He wants me to divorce him

[seshat]

I and my husband have been married for one year, we were married in a Catholic church as he is Catholic and I am Church of England. I was married previously, a long time ago when I was young. This was a mistake and the marriage was annulled. Now for some reason my husband says he wants a divorce as I am boring and like a monkey around his neck! He knows I do not want a divorce but says I must divorce him and I have a track record of failed marriages. I am deeply hurt by this, I love him dearly and think we can work things out but he wont even try. He said he did not want to get married to me anyhow and he only did it because his dad wanted us to get marreid and said he only had 5 years to live! I am also hurt by this as he let me go through the pain of the annullment derdging up all manner of things from the past so we could get married.
I told him if he really did want a divorce he must file for a divorce from me as I will not file for a divorce from him as I do not want a divorce as I love him dearly. He got very annoyed and said I was lying and I should file for a divorce from him. I think he is doing this because I had been married before and he wants other people to think it is my problem and not his.
Do you have any advice on this matter please? I feel so desperately upset as I love him so much.

Thank you.

[bednobs]

unfortunately, in a relationship, if one person doesn't want it to continue it can't.

[seshat]

Sorry ummmm, I meant to answer your question. No we don't have joint finances and we rent our home so at least there is no complication there (although I pay all of the bills and buy the food - we use his money for holidays etc.)

Thanks.

[ummmm]

That's a plus.

[B00]

in the interest of pure nosiness...in what way was your first marriage a mistake? And can you get one annulled for that reason? Ie "i made a mistake"?

[seshat]

Thanks Kiki-frog, I will try.

Hi bednobs, I totally understand what you are saying but I just do not understand where this has all come from and am upset (now starting to get annoyed) at the fact that he wants me to divorce him. He will not file for a divorce and it is him who wants it. He is using tha fact that I was married before to his advantage I think because he is Catholic and I am not also he does not have any grounds for a divorce anyway other than he is bored. I do not fight with him, I don't stop him from doing what he wants, I do not go out anywhere, I have not been unfaithful the list goes on....

[craft1948]

If he's that good a Catholic go and have a chat with his priest...........

[seshat]

Hi BOO.

We were both young and it was both of our first real relationships, we bought a house together and it just seemed like the next logical step. Things went sour and my husband at the time started to go out all the time with friends returning home at early hous etc. because he felt that he was missing out on life and to be honest, looking back I felt the same too and we decided it just was not working out.

I had to go through the annullment process with the catholic church telling them absolutely everything and they agreed that the marriage was not 'real and proper' anyhow otherwise they would not have granted the annullment. My ex is now married with children and although I have not seen him for a long time I am very happy for him. We were just young and as I say it was not right for us.

[seshat]

I suggested that he should go and talk to the priest craft1948 but he got angry and said 'how dare you tell me what to do' So that was a failure! Do you think it would help if I went to see the priest?

Thank you :-)

[jomifl]

Have you looked into the legal implications of him divorcing you rather than the other way round. If you don't do anything re. divorce he will have to instigate it so may do nothing.

[seshat]

No I have not done anything as yet, I have been so gobsmacked by it all. If he really is serious about this I will have to start looking into it soon.

Cheers!

[bednobs]

i'm not sure there are any legal implications for 1 person asking for a divorce or the other.

[ummmm]

That he might not be able to remarry in a Catholic church.

[Canary42]

Tell him you will file for a divorce ONLY on the grounds of adultery and so he must arrange "the evidence". If he REALLY wants the divorce he should comply.

[lcg]

he sounds like a complete arse, a mummy's/daddy's boy and needs to grow up. if he wants the divorce, then i'd dig my heels in and say it's him that gets off his bum, moves out and files for divorce. i'd be so stubborn, disappear off somewhere while he's at work and get on with my life. good luck x

[beso]

It baffles me why anyone thinks a priest would be an expert in relationships.

[slaney]

It sounds as if your husband wants all the blame of the possible break up of your marriage to fall on you, so a visit to a priest may not be a bad idea.
Firstly to make your own position clear, and secondly as there are Catholic marriage counselling services (run by lay people) a referral might help.
Good luck with it all in any case.

[seshat]

Thanks again everyone for your help.

My husband has suddenly decided this morning he wants to try again (until the end of August) and I have made it clear to him if he wants a divorce after then it is up to him to do the work as it is not me who wants this.

Thanks again :-)

[boxtops]

well done, seshat - don't forget he has to make some compromises too, over the next six weeks......

[yogi-bear]

"My husband has suddenly decided this morning he wants to try again (until the end of August)"


That's awfully decent of him, dont you think? For Funks Sake


As I said earlier in the thread and I stick by it, seshat, councelling is the only option here, otherwise move on with your life and find someone who loves you for who you are.

Good luck x

[Kiki-frog]

Well at least that's something I suppose. It sounds like he doesn't really know what he wants, to be honest, seshat. But is this only postponing the same question until the end of August?

I agree with yogi, it really is best to give counselling a try. And if that really doesn't sort things out, then he has to start divorce proceedings - although it doesn't like he has much grounds for divorce. 'I'm bored' is not going to cut any ice with solicitors and judges.