How long was I at the laryngitis clinic? About three hours, roughly speaking. ___ Got a call from my GP today saying I've tested positive for Monkeypox and could I swing by the surgery. ___ Chatting... ...
I used to date a girl with a wooden leg, But I had to Break it off. ___ I can only sleep on stacks of old magazines. I've got back issues. ___ Just received an email on how to read maps backwards.Its... ...
I was in the supermarket yesterday and as I was leaving, spotted a rather handsome looking assistant. "Do you carry shopping to a customers car free of charge?" I asked him. "Yes, madam" he replied... ...
A man made an appointment with his doctor after he kept seeing cream cakes floating about in the corners of his eyes. Dr said not to worry its just your profiterole vision.
I went down to the library the other day, and I asked the lady behind the desk, "have you got any books on self-help?" She just looked at me over the top of her glasses and said, "well I could do,... ...
An office employee knowing his boss was off for the day transferred the office telephone to his own mobile phone and took it with him to play golf. The boss called and asked how everything was... ...
I was in a burger joint enjoying my meal, when suddenly out of the blue, some maniac strolled in and squirted tomato ketchup in my eyes. With the benefit of heinzite, I would have sat somewhere else๐
My wife and i often laugh about how competitive we are I laugh louder though. ___ Because our new refrigerator was taller than our old one, I told my wife I'd have to cut away part of an overhanging... ...
I've got a friend who can only count up to three, but he still got a job. He puts the crisps into Walkers crisp packets. ___ A lady dropped her handbag in the bustle of holiday shopping. An honest,... ...
I asked my grandma how she was enjoying her new stair lift. she said it was driving her up the wall. ___ I'm playing cricket against my local fish & chip shop later. Their fielders and bowlers... ...
A couple, Dave and Mabel, were staying at the Grand Hotel Llandudno -- fourth floor. Dave calls the Hotel Manager "Come up quick. we've been arguing and Mabel wants to throw herself out of the... ...
1st guy " I call my wife strwberry ". 2nd guy " why do you call her that "?. " because she's perfectly formed, gorgeous and is so sweet" 2nd guy " I call my wife blueberry " 1st guy "and why do you... ...
I was talking to a girl in a pub the other night and I said "You remind me of my little toe!" She said "Is that because I’m small and cute?" I replied "No, it's because I’ll probably end up banging... ...
A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When... ...
Dorothy and Edna, two “senior” widows, are talking. Dorothy: “That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him... ...
Some idiot at the office turned up for work with sticky hair, I said to him "why on earth did you come to work looking like that" "He said, well, the label on the jar said... ...
A mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed,... ...