Jokes in The AnswerBank

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.


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West London police wish to alert local residents about the activities of the infamous cross-eyed burglar. If you see this man staring in your windows, warn the people next door....
A police station in Leeds was broken into & all the toilet equipment stolen. So far the police have nothing to go on....
I rang the incontinence line earlier today A voice said, "Can you hold?"...........
Just got back from the butchers. Can't believe how deer venison is!...
Two old guys were chatting. One said to the other: "My 85th birthday was yesterday. The wife gave me an SUV." The other guy responded, "Wow, that's amazing! Imagine, an SUV! What a great gift!" The...
I hate sex in movies. Tried it once, the seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well it really chilled the mood....
Paddy’s wife was ready to give birth so he rushes her to hospital. When he gets there the nurse asks him, “How dilated is she?” Paddy replies, “Oh Jaysus, we’re both over the moon.”.....
A south London car dealer appeared in court, accused of tampering with mileage on several cars on his forecourt. When this was put to him, he replied: "This accusation is ridiculous, at the time of...
Just found out I was colour blind the other day..............that came right out of the purple.
Paddy phones for an ambulance as Murphy's been hit by a car. Operator asks where he is. He says outside 28 Eucalyptus Rd. Operator asks, "How do u spell that?" The line goes quiet for 5 minutes....
The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close...
Never do a runner in an Ethiopian restaurant!
Paddy said to Mick, "I've just found a pen" Mick said, "Throw it here" He proceeded to write on a bit of paper. "It's mine!" he shouted. Paddy said, "How do you know that?" Mick replies, "Because it's...
Q : "How will I know if someone I've just met is a Vegan?" A : "If they haven't told you twice within the first thirty seconds, then they're probably not"...
A barber runs out of his shop and down to the nearest corner where a policeman is standing. "Officer," he asks, "have you seen a man run by here in the last few minutes?" "No, I haven't. What's the...
I hear Ronnie O'Sullivan is taking a holiday in Switzerland, he wants a high break.
'' He only wanted me for his own gratification,I was really touched''
An artist's model showed up late and sneezing. "I don't feel like modelling today, I hab a code" she sniffled. "Yes, that's okay, my hands are sore anyway" said the sculptor. "Just rest, and I'll make...
Dear Algebra, please stop asking us to find your X. She's never coming back, and please don't ask us Y..
Paddy rang the Ad Mag to see how much to put in an item to sell. The lady on the other end of phone told him it was 50p an inch. Paddy said F*** that, I can't afford that! The lady asked him what he...

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