Jokes

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Sweeties
A Jelly Baby walks into a bar and starts talking to a smartie. After a few beers the Smartie says Ere, a bunch of us are heading to that new club, fancy tagging along? The Jelly Baby says No mate, Im a s... [more]

funnygirl
12/05/08
13:22

1 answer (last answered: 12/05/08 13:24)

Hospital case
A man is lying in hospital severely battered. The man in the next bed asks him how he came to be in that state. Well, he said,I walked into a pub and there on the floor was a pile of dog poo which I didnt notice. ... [more]

Dilbert53
12/05/08
12:51

Pygmies
A post in society and culture reminded me of that tribe of pygmies in the Amazon jungle, the Fakawi tribe. They are only three feet tall. Unfortunately, the grass where they live is four feet high, so they spend th... [more]

Postdog
07/05/08
17:10

7 answers (last answered: 09/05/08 13:37)

A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests....
He says, Im Jesus Christ. The first priest says, No, son, youre not. So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest says, No, son, youre not. The drunk says, Look, I can prove it. He walks back into th... [more]

bimbim
07/05/08
16:48

3 answers (last answered: 08/05/08 10:31)

Tip of the day
Never sh*g a dwarf with downs syndrome. It's not big and it's not clever.

Richie1976
06/05/08
14:09

8 answers (last answered: 12/05/08 12:39)

Austrian neighbour
An Austrian journalist asked a neighbour how long he had known Josef fritties daughter Alice…. Alice he replied who the f**ks Alice……..for 24yrs …………Ive been liking next door to Alice

impact5
02/05/08
13:06

2 answers (last answered: 02/05/08 18:07)

Madness
What is the first sign of madness? Suggs walking up your driveway

Nik315
02/05/08
12:46

6 answers (last answered: 08/05/08 20:32)

Suicide
A beautiful blonde is standing on the edge of a cliff, when a bloke walks past. Excuse me, he says. Are you thinking of jumping? Yes she replies. Life is worthless. Before you jump he says Could you possibly g... [more]

Iamblue
02/05/08
08:26

1 answer (last answered: 02/05/08 18:43)

Englishman in Ireland
He says to Paddy : Excuse me, whats the quickest way to Dublin? Paddy : Are you thinking of going by car, by bus or on foot? Englishman : By car. Paddy : Yes, Sir. Thats the quickest.

Iamblue
02/05/08
08:19

Whats up Doc
Doctor, would you please kiss me says the patient No, you are a beautiful woman, but its against my code of ethics replies her doctor. please, just one kiss she pleads. sorry says the doctor its totally out of t... [more]

laurence2
01/05/08
18:33

1 answer (last answered: 04/05/08 13:01)

Learn Chinese in 5 mins
Thats not right ( Sum ting Wong ) See me ASAP ( Kum Hia Nao) Small Horse ( Ti Ni Po NI ) U need a facelift ( Chi Tu Fat ) I thought u were on a diet ( Wai Yu Mun Ching ) Hes cleani... [more]

coffeeboy
30/04/08
23:13

2 answers (last answered: 01/05/08 11:28)

Mickey Mouse Divorce
Mickey Mouse is in the Divorce court and is giving evidence. The Judge says Im sorry Mr Mouse, but I cant grant you a divorce just because you say Mrs Mouse has buck teeth and protruding eyes Thats not what I me... [more]

EDDIE51
30/04/08
22:29

Bargains
Patrick & Shamus away from home for the first time on a visit to London. They spot a shop, Suits £10....... Trousers £5............. Shirts £2. Shamus said Patrick, theres a bargain, lets buy the enti... [more]

dilligaf
30/04/08
15:38

Exciting medical breakthrough
Did you know that you can now get Viagra in powder form to put in your tea? It doesn't give you a hard-on but it stops your biscuits going soft!!!!!

Judge Nutmeg
29/04/08
20:32

1 answer (last answered: 04/05/08 13:05)

Field of...
A farmer in Devon has successfully grown a field of vibrators. Unfortunately, he now has a problem with squatters !

weeal
29/04/08
18:07

1 answer (last answered: 30/04/08 08:34)

Pat Lampard
Despite her son playing for Chelsea, Pat Lampard remained a West Ham fan for most of her life. In fact it wasn't until the very end that she finally turned blue.

Richie1976
29/04/08
15:50

5 answers (last answered: 02/05/08 09:02)

Mad
Jim and Edna were patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end, sank to the bottom, and stayed there. Edna promptly... [more]

Info Bank
29/04/08
00:26

1 answer (last answered: 29/04/08 00:27)

Midget jockey - silly toilet humour, I know...
A bloke calls his mate, the horse trainer, and says hes sending a friend over to look at a horse. His mate asks How will I recognise him? Thats easy, hes a midget with a speech impediment. So, the midget shows ... [more]

Whickerman
28/04/08
20:22

5 answers (last answered: 29/04/08 13:52)

Smart kid
In school one day the teacher decided in science class she would teach about materials. So she stood in the front of the class and said, Children, if you could have one raw material in the world what would it be? ... [more]

Whickerman
28/04/08
20:19

Give it a minute...worth it
two dyslexics at a dyslexics conference. One asks So, what do you do in your spare time? 2nd replies Im an ornothiligist. An ornithologist? No, an ornithiligist Whats an ornithiligist? Im a ... [more]

Whickerman
28/04/08
20:18

2 answers (last answered: 30/04/08 12:08)