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Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, 'We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!' So they enter heaven, and sure enough,...
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Did you hear about the architect who had his house made backwards so he could watch TV?
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Just heard there was an explosion at a pie factory in Huddersfield.
3.1415927 dead...
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A man goes into a pub and there are two menus on the bar the First Says SANDWICHES - HAM £2.50 - CHEESE £2.00 The other menu says ORAL SEX £10 - HAND RELIEF £5. A beautiful...
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A man comes home with his daughter, whom he has just taken to work for the day. The little girl asks, "I saw you in your office with your secretary. Why do you call her a doll?" Feeling his...
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A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his job's feeding the chickens etc.. "Not yet," said the little boy. His mother tells him no...
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I get irritated when people come down on our police officers saying that they don't care about or respect others. Well, here is a story that clearly shows not all coppers are in that category. This...
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Harry Redknapp 2/7
Stuart Pearce 7/1
Jose Mourinho 9/1
The F.A. to f*** the whole thing up 1/1,000,000....
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I know we often have to suffer seeing the same joke posted twice within a week or so but to see the same joke submitted twice within 2 days!! Don't people read the jokes on AB before they decide to...
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My wife and I went to the Royal Show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls.. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, - ' THIS BULL MATED 50...
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An old man goes into his local papers office and asks if he can place a notice in the paper. 'My wife has just died, how much is it per word?' 'It's £2 per word sir' 'Oh ok, can the notice say...
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An elderly guy goes to his hairdresser for a haircut and a shave. He said to the barber that his cheeks were sunken and lined he could never shave properly."No problem sir"he says and leans...
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She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and...
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Last night I reached for my liquid viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Twink. I woke up this morning with a huge correction.
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A blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an 'exotic' pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: 'SEX FROGS' Only £20 each! Comes with 'complete'...
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Tom's scrotum The Best Story of the Year: The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said,...
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A duck goes into a pub and asks for a pint. The barman stands wide-eyed and open-mouthed. The duck says "Would you mind hurrying up please, I'm working on the building site down the road and only...
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Three men go on holiday abroad together. The tourist office informs them that there is only one hotel in town with vacancies. The lads go along there, only to be told by reception that there is just...
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George was a bad loser. When he was cleaned out in a poker game for very high stakes, he slapped his hand on the table and got up to leave. As he walked past, he couldn't resist insulting Max...
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