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.....I was having dinner with Garry Kasparov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.
It took him two hours to pass me the salt....
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Put this on JJ's thread last night - it's fun..... Holiday Fruitcake Recipe You'll need the following: 1 C water 1 C sugar 1 C brown sugar 4 large eggs lemon juice 1 tsp. baking soda 2 C dried fruit...
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When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?...
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I had a secret meeting with a detective last night. He said it was better if I didn't know his name, then extended his hand for me to shake. That was a bit of a giveaway, Inspector Gadget. I took this...
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In ancient Israel , it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of...
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Is it just me, or do you find that most vacuum cleaners today suck?!!
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A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the pavement in front of her home. Next to her was a basket containing a number of tiny creatures; in her hand was a sign announcing “FREE KITTENS”...
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When asked in a pub quiz a while ago " Do you have a vulva?" My sons friend quite innocently said " Nah mate, I got a D reg Orion"....
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PENIS VAN LESBIAN --- A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said, "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome, and with experience on Broadway, he had the right...
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Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, Which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, He...
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Two successful businessmen in the centre of townwere sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new shop... As yet, the shop wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, "I...
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What is the one tongue twister you like?
Besides the peasant plucker, I much like "Polish it behind the door" said three times quickly.
What's yours? And thanks in advance....
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.There is this bloke who has a 25 inch penis. He goes to a witch in the woods and asks her if she can make his dic* smaller because he just can't please the ladies because it is just too big, he...
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I said to the chemist, 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said, 'Why?' I said, 'She keeps waking up.' I upset the wife's mother the other Guy Fawkes Night. I fell off the fire. She told...
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I was due for a smear test with the doctor later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's surgery to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am . I had...
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What's the difference between a postman and a postwoman? A few letters. Famous Last Words Anne Boleyn: "Henry! I am NOT giving you head!" I once went on an 18-30 holiday, which was fun, but 12yrs is...
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A man is walking behind his wife and says: "Baby, your arse is getting so fat, it's looking like a washing machine." The woman keeps quiet and keeps walking. Bedtime comes around, the man is asking...
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... she's going to kill me of I call her a dog one more time.
I'm not scared though. Her bark is worse than her bite....
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any reasonable offer condlsidered
having to sell due to unforeseen circumstances...
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My aunt Kia used to own a furnature shop .Every time I passed I used to shout Hi Kia...
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