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Morning all, With All Hallow's Eve fast approaching we would love to hear some of your cheesiest scary jokes, cleanish please :-) Along the lines of: Q. What do you call a witch who lives at the...
"Mummy, what's a magpie?" "You know darling; it's a bird." "Well down at the playground they're saying it's a pie made with maggots."...
An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman are the sole survivors of a plane crash deep in the jungle. They are captured by a tribe of cannibals who grant them one wish before being killed and hollowed out...
A jelly baby walks in to a bar and starts talking to a smartie. After a few beers the smartie says: "A bunch of us are heading to that new club. Fancy tagging along?" "No thanks," the jelly baby...
The wife came back from buying her costume for a fancy dress party earlier. "Stay there baby" she said to me, "while I nip upstairs and put it on to show you." She came back down, opened the living...
Last week my wife caught me in bed with Fatima Whitbread. "It's not what it looks like," I pleaded. "Well, what is it then?" she asked with a puzzled look on her face. "A woman," I replied....
A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it....
It was Friday afternoon during the rush hour on the Circle Line. The train was packed with weary commuters when a pretty young lady turned to a man squashed against her. "Will you please stop pushing...
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year...
HOW DO COURT RECORDERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES??? These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by...
A single glass at night could mean a peaceful, uninterrupted night’s sleep. NEW Wine for Seniors , I kid you not..... Clare Valley vintners in South Australia, Which primarily produce Pinot Blanc,...
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, face all covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats could smell the blood and...
YOU HAVE TO LOVE A GOOD NURSE. A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the policeman kept feeling something...
An Irishman see’s a job advert published on a building site, ‘handy man wanted apply within’. So he goes and speaks to the foreman. Foreman: can you drive a fork-lift truck? Irish man: No...
An drunk Irishman was sitting at a bar when suddenly at the other end of the bar appeared a leprechaun. The Irishman caught the leprechaun’s eye and the leprechaun came to sit beside him. “Sure...
A group of chaps, all aged 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses had big breasts and wore...
Q] What do you call 5 Aston Villa fans standing ear to ear? A] A wind tunnel!...
A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black negligee and carefully place it in her suitcase so it would not wrinkle. Well, her mum forgot...
Eight-year-old Mohammed entered his classroom on the first day of school. "What's your name?" asked the teacher. "Mohammed," he replied. "You're in Ireland now," replied the teacher, "so from now on...
A Muslim dies, and by some error in his handling, ends up in heaven. He’s stopped at the Pearly Gates by St Peter who says: "Sorry, but we don’t allow Muslims into Heaven"....

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