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A deacon walks into a crowded room and screams "fire." As the people run out he says "I'm kidding, I Just wanted to deacon-jest the place"...
I went on a date last night, with a man who was obssessed with nuts. All I got was a pecan the cheek....
My boss told me to make a film about something which holds paper together. Unfortunately, I only showed him a few clips...
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the Best patients to operate on. The first surgeon, says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is...
A conductor, saying that, in his time, he's conducted more orchestras than you could shake a stick at ................
three packs of polos - - unopened - - in mint condition...
1. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. 2. A hand grenade thrown into a French kitchen would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 3. Atheism is a non-prophet organisation. 4....
Never take your nasal decongestant to the capital of Iceland. It'll wreck your Vick....
I was trying to hold a map of a French town in my hand. The trouble is I kept dropping it. It was Toulouse....
And God said to John 'Come forth and you shall be granted eternal life'. But John came fifth and won a toaster. What do you call a nun on roller-skates? Virgin Mobile I bought some shoes from a drug...
.... with a rusty hacksaw. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-glasgow-west-32865032 [i] Please respect that this is in the Jokes topic, so no politicising please. [i]...
Anybody planning to go to any African Country for a vacation this year...BEWARE as you can no longer get PARACETEMOL TABLETS in the jungle. Apparently the PARROTS EAT EM ALL !...
Today a man knocked on my door asking for a donation towards the local swimming pool So I gave him a glass of water....
"Fire crews tackle large blaze at Kent chicken farm" Investigators suspect fowl play....
You should never throw wooden shoes down the toilet. You'll clog the system....
One day The Lord came to Adam to pass on some news. "I've got some good news and some bad news," The Lord said. Adam looked at The Lord and said, "Well, give me the good news first." Smiling, The Lord...
Now that the law has changed in the south of Ireland............Paddy and Murphy walked into a Bar.......hand in hand!
I paid ten pounds to see an opera last night. About five minutes into it one of the male performers was taken ill. So that was a waste of a tenor....
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give...
My ex-husband was deaf. He left me for a deaf friend of his. To be honest, I should have seen the signs....

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