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As the storm raged, the captain realised his ship was sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?" One man stepped forward. "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray." "Good," said the...
This is serious. Please BEWARE! Over the last month I became a victim of a clever 'Eastern European' scam while out shopping. Simply dropping into Sainsbury's for a bit of shopping has turned out to...
Courtesy of the Big Yin - Billy Connolly for Those Not in the Know. A trainee paratrooper is standing at the door feeling queezy. The Sarn'tmajor says "jump you wimp". "But what if my 'chute doesn't...
Another Surgeon Another surgeon went to check on his very famous patient after an operation. She was awake, so he examined her thoroughly and told her that she could expect a complete recovery. She...
***! GIRL: I have done a great sin. I called my boyfriend a *** PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that? GIRL: Well, he kissed me....
My wife suggested using some toys in the bedroom to spice things up a bit. I thought it was a great idea, but she's been very ungrateful. It took me over two hours to set up that Scalextric set!...
Fred was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was...
Little Johnny has a problem. He swears too much. He swears like a sailor. Johnny's teacher is aware of this, so she is going to be extra careful not to let Johnny swear today. "Okay, class. We're...
http://oi58.tinypic.com/vy5wy8.jpg...
During a recent PASSWORD AUDIT at the Bank of reland , it was found that Paddy O'Toole was using the following password: MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyDublin When Paddy was asked why he...
Can be prepared 20 years ahead. Ingredients: Crust: 1 hard-skinned hubby 1 comfortable sofa Filling: 1 TV remote control 6 pack of beer 1 packet chips (crisps) 1 family size pizza 1 large serving...
A man and his son were walking through a field, and saw two dogs mating. The little boy asked his Dad what was happening. The Father replied, "Well, son, they're making a puppy." The following...
Does anyone out there have any really good Indian Jokes?
An extremely shy fellow once brought his date a bouquet of flowers. She threw her arms around him and kissed him long and hard. After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door. She exclaimed, "Oh!...
I've just arrived at one of those Swiss suicide clinics.Costing​ me £44,000 Do you know what the have given me for breakfast this morning? “Cheerios"....
A guy gets home from work one night and hears a little voice. The little voice tells him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas." The man is disturbed at what he hears and...
The head of an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on sexual morality. "We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation," she said, "ask yourself just...
This joke by Smudge first had an airing in 2009. I love it so thought I'd repost. Thank you Smudge. A wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young...
Q. How do rednecks celebrate Halloween ? A. Pump kin....
The difference between big and small Big Busted Women Can get a taxi on the worst days Have a neat place to carry spare change Make jogging a spectator sport Can keep a magazine dry while lying in the...

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