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A good-looking well dressed man in his early forties arrived at a brothel. The Madam opened the door "May I help you?" she asked. "I want to see Valerie" the man said. "Sir Valerie is one of our most...
The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a £150 dress she had bought. "How could you do this!" he exclaimed. "I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in...
When you're on the farm, your perception is a little bit different. A farmer drove to his neighbour's farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, answered. "Is your Dad or Mum home?" said the...
In Korea, when a patient is taken to hospital, a white wristband is placed on their left arm. These wristbands contain the patient's name and information. When a patient dies, a red wristband is...
I heard a woman accuse her husband about him "always having to have the penultimate word"....
... Irish chappie I think ... Dermot O'Logist...
An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. 'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't...
A man who makes coffins was on his way to deliver one of his coffins when his car broke down. Trying not to be late he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination. Some policemen...
Mr. Greenberg was an illiterate immigrant, but he worked hard, saved his pennies, and started a small business. It did well, and soon he had enough money to send for the wife and children. The work...
HMRC decides to investigate 87 year old Grandpa, who is quickly summoned to the Tax office. The Tax Inspector was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his tax adviser. The Tax Inspector said,...
I am unreliably informed that the delay in publishing this report is due to embarrassment concerning a retracted portion of the original document. At the time there was an outbreak of mice in several...
Two guys were chatting about their weekend in town. I got arrested and thrown in a police cell, the first guy admits. 'You got arrested?' the second guy gasps. What did you do? Well, the first bloke...
I invented the upside down house. It's now a top cellar. The Sun headline: Air strike planned Well I hope it doesn't last long, I can't hold my breath for more than 20 seconds. My partner wanted...
I woke up this morning and had a special type of socket wrench in my hand and I was surrounded by nuts and bolts. I had been torquing in my sleep. I used to file my nails, but I thought: 'what's the...
I walked into my local pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads: SPECIALS TODAY #1 CHEESE-BURGER: £6.50 #2 CHICKEN SANDWICH : £4.50 #3 HAND-JOB: £10.00 Checking my wallet for the...
A small boy has a school home work question to answer, so he asks his father " Hey Dad, what's the difference between 'theoretically' and 'realistically'?" His Dad thinks for a while and then says...
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. 3. He who laughs last, thinks...
and on his head he had a hat, which had a fox head hanging over his left shoulder and the foxes brush over his right shoulder. A little old lady asked him: "why have you got that odd- looking thing on...
My wife has worked as a magicians assistant for many years now, and she has even started to pick up some tricks and tries them out at home. The other day I came home early from work and she was in the...
I've just bought a pub for a pound. That was a Bar gain....

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