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Once knew a lady who put six spoonful of sugar in every cup of tea, and every time she broke wind she filled her knickers with candyfloss.
A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float?" The father...
A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'You Can Be THE Man of Your House.' He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of...
Did you hear about the man caught masturbating in the newsagents? It's all over the papers!...
A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband. At strategic...
Teacher: Ok children, what sounds did we hear on our trip to the farm yesterday? Children: MOOOO, BAAAA, Quack Quack, Get off the f...... tractor....
Back and forth . . . . Back and forth . . . . In and out . . . . In and out . . . . A little to the right . . . . A little to the left . She could feel the sweat on her forehead . . . .Between her...
'In the night, you appeared from nowhere and ravished my naked flesh. You applied your hungry mouth to me, working your way all over my writhing body. It was such a buzz. You nearly drove me crazy...
https://www.satellites.co.uk/forums/threads/the-difference-between-an-australian-canadian-american-and-scottish-police-officer.161395/...
The Marine Corps found they had too many officers and senior enlisted men. It was decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer or senior enlisted man who volunteered for...
THE DIFFERENCE IF YOU MARRY A SCOTTISH GIRL Three friends married women from different parts of the world..... The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house...
A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. 'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.' Patty looks at the...
An old fella was celebrating his 92nd birthday. He spoke to his toes. "Hello toes.", he said. "How are you? You know, you are 92 today. Oh the times we've had! Remember how we walked in the park in...
What is the difference between In and Outlaws?
Folks generally aren't very creative in choosing names for their dogs. That's why there are so many named Rover and Spot. But, have you heard the plight of the fellow who thought he'd be cute and...
I never understood the concept of clamping. You don't want the car to park there, yet you put a device on the car's wheel to ensure they can't move. Genius....
My partner is on the Cyclops diet. He's always got one eye on the fridge....
An Australian stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Madrid. While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not...
I cannot stand people who think they're worse off than everybody else. My mate Don is brilliant. He had a bad accident where he lost his voice and both legs. Does he make a song and dance about it?...
My mother-in-law is suffering from depression. She phoned me the other day and said, "I feel like jumping in front of a bus and you're not doing anything to help." So I sent her a timetable...

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