Jokes in The AnswerBank

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.


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A police officer arrested a prostitute. "I do not sell sex, sir!" She replied The policeman said, "So, what are you doing now?" "I'm just selling condoms and offering a free demonstration." Answered...
The wife left note on fridge. It’s not working. I can’t take it anymore. I’m going to mum’s.” it said. Husband opened the fridge. The light came on. The beer was cold. What the hell she...
Dead Budgie for sale. NOT going cheep........
I said to my son, "What did you do at school today?" He said, "We learnt about all the capitals." "How many do you know?" I asked. He said, "All of them." I said, "All of them, are you sure?" He said,...
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. A woman driving along at speed, passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing...
My teachers always told me that if I didn't study hard enough I'd end up working at McDonalds. I proved them all wrong. I start at KFC tomorrow....
The teacher was trying to encourage her young pupils to use grown up words instead of baby words. She asked Michael what he did yesterday. "I visited my Nana". Teacher said no, we say Grandmother. She...
A guy came round to sweep the chimney today. So, it being the season of goodwill an all, I offered him a cup of tea and a mince pie, to which he cheerfully excepted. To save some time, I heated the...
According to Tetley the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag. So every morning I slap her backside and say " two sugars fatty "....
I don't want to think I'm getting old or anything. But all the noises I used to make during sex. I now make just getting out of bed....
Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place! Doctor: I am, bit by bit....
I was outside earlier today on the edge of the woods collecting cones to adorn my christmas tree. The highways department was not too impressed when they caught up with me....
I smiled at the scary doctor’s receptionist. "What can I do for you?” She barked. "Well, I'd like to take you out on a date,” I said. Her eyes softened and she melted. "I've never been asked on...
News Local girl Joanna Mow leaps to her death on her birthday. Middle name "Ronny"...
Q: What did the artist say to his girlfriend? A: I really love you with all my art...
I went to my friend's house recently and noticed that his Christmas tree was bare except for a shotgun shell near the top. I asked, "What's the deal, no decorations?" Puzzled, he looked at me and...
Barman says " We don't serve time travellers in here" Doctor Who walks into a bar....
I think I'm coming down with this new Christmas cold that's going around. It started with my Tinsillitis. What do you call an old snowman? A puddle. Ho ho ho....
I was feeling a little down, so I decided to get into the festive mood and have a few glasses of wine. Decking the halls with boughs of holly seemed like a good idea at the time but for some reason Mr...
I thought I would try Microsoft's online Advent calendar this year. It is very realistic. I chose one with a Wintery scene and now it's blooming Windows have frozen....

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