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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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Patsy33
I used to be a taxi driver but had to give it up. I couldn't stand people talking behind my back..
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Patsy33
My doctor has just told me I'm paranoid. I wonder who else he's told?.......
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Patsy33
I've just downloaded a copy of the Bible from the internet. When I'd finished it said, 'Saved'....
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Shaglene
A Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this, and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?" Maria: "Well, Señora,...
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Shaglene
A dog lover, whose dog was 'in heat', agreed to look after and house her neighbors' male dog while they were away on vacation. She had a large house however, and believed that she could keep them...
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Shaglene
Two blondes are filling up at a petrol station and the first blonde says to the second, "I bet these awful fuel prices are going to go even higher." The second blonde replies, "Won't affect me, I...
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-SharonA-
One day a wife comes home to her husband with a spectacular diamond ring. "Where did you get that ring?" her husband asks. "Well" She replied "My boss and I played the lottery and we won so I bought...
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Patsy33
Police are after the 'knitting needle nutter' who's stabbed 6 people. They believe he's following some kind of pattern.
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percy1946
In the war when it was nigh on impossible to get meat at the butchers our fishermen were asked to catch whales for us to eat, so when you took your ration book to the butchers a sign on his window...
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Patsy33
I was in Toys R Use today when I noticed a long queue. I asked a member of staff what was going on. She said, "Oh, that's the Barbie queue". So like an idiot, I waited over an hour to get a bleedin...
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marval
Technical Support Request Form 1. Describe your problem: 2. Now, describe the problem accurately: 3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem: 4. Problem Severity: A. Minor__ B. Minor__ C....
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marval
One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and...
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Condel
any joke
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Patsy33
Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires sticking out of it. He phones the Police and says, 'Bejaysus i've just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb' Is it ticking, the operator asks No i tink it's...
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marval
A British anthropologist was doing field research in an isolated African village, when a tribal chief asked if he would like to be his guest at a legal trial he was conducting later that day. "We have...
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Shaglene
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and...
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marval
I'm not being paranoid but there's five Peruvian Owls standing on my garden fence. Watching me through my kitchen window. I'm sure they're Inca hoots....
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Patsy33
I really wish I knew who kicked the jack out from under the car that I was working on. The suspension is killing me..
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Chipchopper
I was mortified when I went to my allotment plot and found that some escaped chickens had completely devoured three rows of lettuce plants. I tracked down the owner of the chickens and complained...
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marval
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year- old baseball players aside and asked, "Do you understand what co-operation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the...

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