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Scientists have been carrying out extensive research into the effects of marijuana on gulls.They promise to leave no tern unstoned.
The computer swallowed Grandad, Yes honestly it's true! He pressed control and enter And he disappeared from view. It devoured him completely, The thought just made me squirm. He must have caught a...
A man is drowning his sorrows in his local pub. 'Why the long face,' the barman asks. 'Well' the man explains, 'I took a sneaky look at my girlfriend's internet browsing history last night. I was...
Two blokes talking about their wives. 'Last night my wife and her friend went to see an erotic movie,' one guy says. 'I hit the sack early but was awakened to see my wife standing there with a leather...
Friends are like a pair of knickers. Some crawl up your backside. Some snap under pressure. Some get a bit twisted. Some you love. Some are cheap. And some cover your ass when you need them to!...
Brenda was in the fertilised egg business. She had several hundred young 'pullets' and ten roosters to fertilise their eggs. She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and...
A daughter asks her father, "Dad there is something that my boyfriend said to me that I didn't understand. He said that I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper." Father...
I took a dodgy shredder back to the shop today and asked for a refund. "Have you got the receipt for it?" They asked. I said "Yes, Have you got any Sellotape?"...
In a Bangkok Temple: IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN. Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR. Doctor's office, Rome:...
In a little Irish village the local priest was not feeling very well and he decided to see a doctor. While in the doctor's waiting room, a nun comes out of the doctor's office. She looked ashen, drawn...
DC has promised that by 2020 MPs will have to attend Parliament 7 days every month. A spokesman for The Toff explained that in order to encourage this increased attendance for most members, full...
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth. Bristle sprouts....
Shock News! The new Top Gear Calendar is out and there is NO Clarkson or Hammond. But fans of the show will be relieved that May is still in it....
What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack? The best of thymes, the worst of thymes....
Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight. When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills. The son said, "I don't think you...
Would the good people of Norfolk & Suffolk please remember to put your clocks back from 1967 to 1961 this weekend please......
QUOTES FROM BRITISH MILITARY ANNUAL STAFF APPRAISALS 1. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. 2. I would not breed from this Officer. 3. This man is depriving a village...
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while...
Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it...
My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. Dear School: Please excuse John being absent...

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