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My friend has just started dating Little Red Riding Hood's gran. Apparently She's an animal in bed....
Our new librarian is very polite. I think she is Italian. I've just taken a book back that was months overdue but, rather than charging me, she just said, "That's-a-fine." So I thanked her and walked...
A teacher said to Johnny, "If I give you two cats and then two more cats and another two cats how many cats do you have?" Johnny. "seven sir" Teacher. "No listen again.I give you two cats plus two...
- - - about the woman who was married to a succession of three Microsoft employees and still died a virgin? Her first husband was in Training, and kept teaching her how to do it herself. The second...
> Pope Francis recently finished his sermon. > He ended it with the Latin phrase, "Tuti Homini" – “Blessed be Mankind.” > > A Woman's Rights Group approached the Pope the next day. > They...
A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large company. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You’ve graduated from the...
I think my partner is going insane. He said "Honey, can you unload the dish washer please?" Next thing you know, he'll be asking the marmalade to take out the bins....
Q] What did the blanket say when it fell on the floor? A] ''Oh sheet!''...
- - - water skiing does anybody know where there is a lake on a slope?...
The referee gave me a yellow card for 'running downhill' Yes, I was booked for descent....
Q: How many Alzheimers patients does it take to change a lightbulb? A: To get to the other side. A horse walks into a pub. The barman asks “Why the long face?” The horse says “My wife just...
"A p p p p pint of b b b b bitter, p p p please" "That's £3.20 please donkey", says the barman. Ten minutes later, he returns to the bar " a p p p p pint of b b b b bitter, and a p p p p p packet of...
A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in Dublin. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit. She pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked,'What...
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A Scottish couple decided to go to Spain to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic work...
One evening as the sun goes down, Mr and Mrs vampire wake up and start thinking about their first meal of the day "you stay here" he says, "I shall fly off and find some villagers, have a bite, then...
A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his...
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you...
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define great, he said "i want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that...
A young man walks into a hotel's lift. The operator asks, "Which floor son?" "Seventeenth" replies the young man. "No problem son" says the operator. As they approached the seventeenth floor the...

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