Jokes in The AnswerBank

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.


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Q) Why do the French like to eat snails ?. A) Because they're not really into fast food. Man: Waiter waiter! will my pizza be long ? Waiter: No sir, it will be round....
A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, 'Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later.' The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, Sister, have you seen...
Why did Mozart kill his chickens? Because the kept running around shouting, Bach, Bach, Bach.........
Knock knock! Who's there? Yah! Yah who Naaah, bro, I prefer google. Knock knock! Who's there Dishes! Dishes who? Dishes the police, come out with your hands up!...
A woman called for an ambulance. The operator said, "How may I help you?" The woman said, "I banged my toe against the coffee table, and it really hurts." The operator said, "You want to call an...
I joined a club for Tourette's sufferers - it took 4 hours to get sworn in..:)...
Marks and Spencer's have taken over Poundstrechers, they are going to open new shops and calling them Strechmarks.
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So I'm wearing my garage door opener. I also made a cover...
A man was staring intently at the orange juice carton on the breakfast table. Wife: "What is it with you, you've been staring at that darn carton for the last 15 minutes ?". Husband: "Well it says...
One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants. The man says “Oh just a beer”. The bartender asked the man “Whats wrong,why are you so down today?”. The...
I shopped on the Yorkshire coast this morning. Or E-Bay as it is called....
I ate in a fancy French restaurant last night, where the menu was all in French. For my starter I ordered Escargot. When my dish arrived, I took one look and thought I’d rather eat snails....
Just saw my neighbor, Jean in her back garden, so I popped my head over the fence to say hello. "Thats a lovely smell, whats cooking" I asked. "Spicy Moroccan Chicken" She said. "Tagine" ? I asked....
When I was a child, my parents would always say "Excuse my French" just after a swear word. I'll never forget that first day at school when my teacher asked if any of us knew any French....
My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.
The waitress snapped at me when I accidentally picked up the wrong order. "Hey thats 'nachos' " She shouted....
My dyslexic girlfriend texted me from the shop asking if i'd like anything brought home. I was delighted when she brought home some adult magazines and videos of naked police women. All I asked for...
The morning of his wife's birthday a man handed her a gift. As she unwrapped it she said, "It's a wand! What do I want with a wand?" "It's not just any wand." He replied, "It's a magic wand!"...
Dead palm tree out of date?
That’s all I needed on top of the day I've had. I just got back home to find four Police Officers in my house looking for something, acting like lunatics and telling me to stand still. They were...

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