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While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered, and a passenger looked out the window. "Good Lord!" he screamed, "One of the engines just blew up!" Other passengers left their seats and came...
Female response when hit with the chat up line... "You look really familiar, do I know you from somewhere"? You reply "I don't know... do you watch a lot of porn"?...
....the difference between a Yorkshire man and a cactus? You can get a drink out of a cactus...
Why are animals such bad dancers? Because they have two left feet!...
...novelists from Birmingham?
Joan, who was rather well proportioned, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could...
I've torn out my alarm system & de-registered from the Neighbourhood Watch. I've got four Pakistani flags raised in my garden - one at each corner- and the black flag of ISIS in the centre. The local...
As the storm raged, the captain realised his ship was sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?" One man stepped forward. "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray." "Good," said the...
This is serious. Please BEWARE! Over the last month I became a victim of a clever 'Eastern European' scam while out shopping. Simply dropping into Sainsbury's for a bit of shopping has turned out to...
Courtesy of the Big Yin - Billy Connolly for Those Not in the Know. A trainee paratrooper is standing at the door feeling queezy. The Sarn'tmajor says "jump you wimp". "But what if my 'chute doesn't...
Another Surgeon Another surgeon went to check on his very famous patient after an operation. She was awake, so he examined her thoroughly and told her that she could expect a complete recovery. She...
***! GIRL: I have done a great sin. I called my boyfriend a *** PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that? GIRL: Well, he kissed me....
My wife suggested using some toys in the bedroom to spice things up a bit. I thought it was a great idea, but she's been very ungrateful. It took me over two hours to set up that Scalextric set!...
Fred was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was...
Little Johnny has a problem. He swears too much. He swears like a sailor. Johnny's teacher is aware of this, so she is going to be extra careful not to let Johnny swear today. "Okay, class. We're...
http://oi58.tinypic.com/vy5wy8.jpg...
During a recent PASSWORD AUDIT at the Bank of reland , it was found that Paddy O'Toole was using the following password: MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyDublin When Paddy was asked why he...
Can be prepared 20 years ahead. Ingredients: Crust: 1 hard-skinned hubby 1 comfortable sofa Filling: 1 TV remote control 6 pack of beer 1 packet chips (crisps) 1 family size pizza 1 large serving...
A man and his son were walking through a field, and saw two dogs mating. The little boy asked his Dad what was happening. The Father replied, "Well, son, they're making a puppy." The following...
Does anyone out there have any really good Indian Jokes?

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