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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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percy1946
I well remember watching Blue Peter and asking Mum when would the Fairy Liquid bottle be empty. She answered "You're eighteen now, go out and get a job " !!!...
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marval
Two people have been arrested over phone hacker claim. I think that is a bit harsh for doing a Maori war dance over the phone?...
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Shaglene
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. "Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt," the golfer mumbles to himself. Just then, a stranger walks up beside...
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marval
One morning in a posh hotel breakfast room, a guest called over the head waiter. "Good morning, I'd like to order two boiled eggs, one of them so undercooked that it's runny, and the other so...
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marval
"Darling," whispered a frail little husband from his chair. "I'm very sick, would you please call me a vet?" "A vet? Why do you want a vet and not a medical doctor?" Asked his wife. The husband...
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marval
A biker is riding a new motorcycle on the highway. While passing a car, he knocks on the window. The driver of the car opens the window, "Yes?" "Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?" "No I haven't" The...
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marval
There was nothing to do on this Thursday night, so the two students were just hanging around the apartment. Brenda, who was dressed in only a bra and panties, was jiggling back and forth around their...
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piggynose
Jesus : table for 26, please. Maite'd : but there's only 13 of you. Jesus : but we're all going to sit on the same side. Explain, as I dont get it...
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Smowball
Our local scarecrow has just been awarded an OBE. Apparently it's for being outstanding in his field........
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Shaglene
It was the happiest day of my life. I arrived at the church and by then my husband was waiting at the altar. I walked up the aisle, kissed him on the cheek, smiled........ And closed the lid....
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percy1946
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to light a bonfire !!!
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Shaglene
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's...
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Shaglene
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' 'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.' __________ A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:...
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Shaglene
An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems.... 'Dactor, it's me ahrse.. I'd like ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot'. So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look. 'Incredible'he...
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Shaglene
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday. 'I'd like...
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percy1946
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. !!!
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Smowball
I saw the actor Michael J Fox at the garden centre today. It was obvious it was him - he had his Back to the Fuschias......: )
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Shaglene
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife, pinched her on the butt and said...'If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose.' While this was on the edge...
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Shaglene
Two Irishmen flew to Canada on a hunting trip. They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose. They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the...
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percy1946
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say " I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out !!!...

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