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I was walking down the road today and saw my Afghani neighbor, Abdul, standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"...
Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker. It was After Eight. They got off at Quality Street. He asked her name. "Polo, I'm the one with the hole" she said with a Wispa."I'm Marathon man, the...
I just asked a WelshYorkie how many sexual partners he's had. Bizarrely, he started counting, then fell asleep....
Osama Bin Laden's DNA results have come back with the following breakdown 24% cocoa 57% coconut 18% sugar 6% milk Experts say this is probably due to the Bounty on his head!...
Mods.... if this goes too far I apologise and delete if you have to Muslim tv Saw this and thought of you lot…..(no offence meant) 6.00: G-Had TV. Morning prayers. 8.30: Talitubbies. Talitubbies say...
BernieCuddles got a leaflet through the door saying you can still enjoy great sex even at 50. He was happy, he lives at number 38, so it's not far to walk home afterwards....
Descartes - To be is to do. Voltaire - To do is to be. wait for it...... Frank Sinatra - Do be do be do....
Two French paratroopers were seconded to the SAS for special training. After the first day they met up in the bar. "Ah, Pierre," asks one, 'ow 'av you been doing?" "Merde!" answers Pierre. "I 'av 'ad...
A virile, young Italian soldier was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome, when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his...
My sister has a skirt that ‘s almost split in half And when she walks along the road you can see her calf, My sister has another skirt that's split right up the front, But she doesn't wear than one...
My boss is getting pretty ****** off with me. Whenever I see a Fire Exit I can't help myself, I dash out and then stand by the designated Fire Assembly Point. I suffer from premature evacuation....
A brunette goes to a fancy dress party , she's totally naked except for a pair of little black boots and a pair of black gloves.The judge says "what have you come as ?. She lifts both her hands and...
... and found this.... now chuckling deliriously.... (NB yes I'm aware metal illness is very bad but these are funny) Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, please...
While I was out walking the dog this morning, I saw a guy coming towards me, wearing a shoe on one foot and a boot on the other. He saw me looking puzzled, so I pointed and said "foot trouble" ?. He...
"Remember as days get colder animals are attracted to the warmth of cars so check wheel arches or other hiding places." http://oi57.tinypic.com/290syza.jpg...
...is Switzerland. Don't know why I like it so much, although I suppose the flag is a big plus.
.. The debate on moving staircases is escalating...
What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes. What can Santa give away and still keep? A cold! What did one elevator say to the other? I think I'm coming down with something. What did the necktie say...
A minister who was very fond of pure, hot horseradish always kept a bottle of it on his dining room table. He offered some to a guest, who took a big spoonful. When the guest finally was able to...
There's a Wizard who worked in a factory. Everything was satisfactory except that miscreants, taking advantage of his good nature, would steal his parking spot. This continued until he put up the...

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