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The plane leaves Heathrow Airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His co-pilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a...
One day Superman was feeling a bit horny. So he asked his super hero friends for ideas on where he could get a bit of action. "Hey Batman! Who's good in the sack?" "Well Superman, everyone knows that....
Paddy goes into a sandwich bar and says, "How much are the cheese rolls?" He is told,"Two for £1." Paddy says,"How much is one?" "75p." Paddy says, "I'll take the other one."...
A guy is in the pub sinking a few when his mobile phone rings, he answers it & it's his wife, she says get home now your dinner's on the table, he replies, how did you know I was here ?...
A man tells his doctor that he would like to be castrated, the doctor replied are you sure because that's a very serious operation which cannot be reversed, the man said yes I have thought about it a...
Why did the Clergyman have to have a circumcision ? Because he was constantly treading on his surplice....
http://i58.tinypic.com/voaowi.jpg A hell of a name for a vessel full of sailors !!!...
The Centipede � � � A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. � � � So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. � � �...
If you were in a spaceship traveling at the speed of light and you put the headlights on . . . would they work ?.
Being British is about driving a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then on the way home grab an Indian meal or a Turkish kebab, to sit on a Swedish sofa and watch an American show on a...
A man is walking behind his wife and says, "Your ass is getting so big it looks like a washing machine." The woman keeps quiet and keeps walking. Bedtime comes around, the man starts getting amorous....
Two Aussies, Ferret & Knackers, were adrift in a life boat. While rummaging through the boat's provisions Ferret stumbled across an old lamp. He rubbed it vigorously, sure enough out popped a genie ....
A guy is browsing in a pet shop, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot.?' The parrot says, 'I...
He said to me . ... . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it I said to him .... . . You wear pants don't you? >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> He said to me ......
Exchange between coastguard and boat in emergency: "Mayday, mayday. Can you hear us? Can you hear us? We are sinking. We are sinking." "Hello. Zis is ze German coastguard." "We are sinking. We are...
.. On moving staircases is escalating..
A young reporter is having trouble finishing her story because the editor has told her they can't print the words breasts or boobs. After a long think she finally hands in the following report... Mrs...
There was this youth who fancied his teacher - oh, sorry this shouldn't be here.
The wife of a tough Scottish farmer was told that, for a long life, she should add a sprinkle of gunpowder to her porridge every morning. She followed the regime religiously and finally passed away at...
.. Inventor of the door knocker has just been awarded the Nobel prize..

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