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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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marval
While shopping for holiday clothes, a man and woman passed a display of swimming costumes. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since she had even considered buying a costume, so she...
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Patsy33
My friend said "Cheer up!, It could be a lot worse. You could be stuck in a hole underground full of water" I know he meant well........
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marval
A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself. "Two plus five, that son of a *** is seven. Three plus six, that son of a *** is nine." “What are you doing?” asked his mother....
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Smowball
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1522245111159583&id=1074714829245949...
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Patsy33
Just been doing some cardio exercises in the kitchen. I've been trying to pick up an ice cube off the floor for 30 minutes!
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Patsy33
I was asked by a friend on my availability to run a football club. I said, "I can't manage Wednesday"........
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Chipchopper
It was a busy night at the 'Pride of India' Indian restaurant, while customers waited patiently for their meals. Imagine the surprise when a waiter suddenly appeared and started cavorting around the...
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Hymie
Two guys were drinking in their local, when one of them spots a man sitting alone in a corner who looks just like the Pope. He says to his mate ‘Look over there, that guy looks like the Pope’. The...
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Shaglene
A guy was driving down a motorway in England with his blonde girlfriend and she piped up, "I think those people in the car next to us are from Wales?. "Why do you think that ?" he said. "Well, their...
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teacher1
There are some horrible *** about. I heard a cat crying outside so I opened the door and saw four blokes in Man U shirts playing football with it. I was about to call the RSPCA until the cat went...
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Shaglene
Liverpool girl enters an adult shop and asks for a vibrator The man says: "Choose one from our range on the wall" She says "I'll take the red one" The man replies: "That's a fire extinguisher" Q. What...
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Shaglene
When you're on the farm, your perception is a little bit different. A farmer drove to his neighbour's farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, answered. "Is your Dad or Mum home?" said the...
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Patsy33
I was walking past our local hospital today. A sign read, "Thieves operate here" I thought, "Surely the surgeons would do a better job?"..........
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Chipchopper
A. What did the sardine call the submarine ?. B. A can of people....
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Patsy33
I bumped into my old friend Eric the other day, a champion dart player. He said, "Why did you put super glue on my dart?" I replied, "You just can't let it go can you?".........
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Chipchopper
When the Irish say, 'Drink Responsibly'.....what they really mean is.... Don't fecking spill it!....
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DTCwordfan
This guy gets a parrot but it's got a bad attitude and foul vocabulary. He tries everything to change the bird's attitude and clean up its talk but nothing works. Finally, in a moment of desperation,...
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DTCwordfan
Black man walked into the bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Where did you get it?" The parrot says, "Africa…"...
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marval
A new species of owl has been discovered in America. The bird, which has an unusual scarlet colouration was discovered on the dock of the bay in San Francisco. The common name has yet to be decided...
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Chipchopper
I decided to sell my old lawn tractor. It was great when it was new but as it got older, the darn thing kept breaking down. I guess that makes me, an extractor fan....

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