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My great uncle earl was known by the nickname of spiderman down at the old folks home. He wasn't particularly athletic or anything. They just called him that cause he couldn't get out of the bath....
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little...
Pistorius guilty? He hasn't got a leg to stand on! But if he's acquitted, that'll put a spring in his step....
Three dead bodies turn up at a mortuary all with very big smiles on their faces and the police call on the coroner to investigate. "First body," says the coroner, "Pierre Dubois, Frenchman, 60, died...
Four old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes of golf. The pro asked, "Did you guys have a good game today?" The first old guy said, "Yes, I had three riders today." The second old guy...
Two daughters were having a discussion about family resemblance. "I look like Mum," said the nine-year-old, "but I have Dad's eyes and Dad's lips." The six-year-old said, "And I look just like Dad,...
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/04/15/article-2604747-1D1EA30300000578-795_964x716.jpg...
A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says: "I want to be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, Find me the finest...
Yossele Zelkovitz worked in a Jewish pickle factory. For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the...
A London banker travelling through Cornwall runs a red light and gets pulled over by a Cornish police officer. He thinks that he is smarter than the officer because he is a banker and is certain that...
I have a very polite penis - it will always stand up to give a lady a place to sit...
This might be an oldie, but worth another outing IMO Fred was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept records, and any...
Thatcher's dead, Fergie's retired and Liverpool are going to win the league. Somewhere there's a Scouser with a lamp and no wishes left....
My wife's sister knocked me out yesterday, She put chloroform in her dirty knickers....
… a song about tortillas. actually, it's more of a rap....
It's Rasta Day tomorrow? ... I'm Dreading it....
...... about the corduroy pillow? i hear it's making headlines...
..... the day i first saw a universal remote control i thought to myself [i]well, this changes everything[i]...
Q] How many parrots can you fit down a man's underpants? A] Depends on the length of the perch!...
Q] Which two activities are much loved by both dogs and men? A] Licking their mistress and burying their bone!...

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