A lady of the night was visiting her doctor for a regular checkup. "Any specific problems you should tell me about?" the doctor asked. "Well, I have noticed lately that if I get even the tiniest... ...
I got my face slapped by the new girl at work today. I only asked If she spits or swallows. It seems like a reasonable question, being as we are both wine tasters. ___ A thief broke into my house... ...
I borrowed a blind friend of mine £20 the other day, He promised me he would pay me back the next time he saw me. Uh Oh, I should have known better. ___ My wife left me for another man. All that lies... ...
I woke up this morning to the sun coming through my bedroom window. I need to have a word with that new paper boy. ___ A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a very fancy... ...
My wife and l decided we would never go to bed annoyed at each other. We've been sitting up since Tuesday. ___ Just went into the shop and said "Can I pay by card? He said "No problem, what card do... ...
Summer school holidays were over and young Jack returned to school. Only two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that Jack was misbehaving. "Wait a minute," mother said. "I had Jack... ...
LET'S LAUGH AWAY OUR STRESS WITH ANTS 1. 5 ants + 5 ants = Tenants 2. To bring an ant from another country into your country = Important 3. Ant that goes to school = Brilliant 4. Ant that is looking... ...
Shaun and Patrick are on a cruise ship. "It's awful quiet on the deck tonight," says Shaun. Patrick says: "Maybe they're all listening to the band." "What band, there isn't one." says Shaun. Patrick... ...
A teacher asks her students to discuss what their dads do for a living. Little Mary raises her hand first and says, "My dad's a solicitor for the government. He puts the bad guys in jail." Little... ...
I'm just back from the shops there and seen a blonde shouting into an envelope. I asked her what she was doing and she said she was sending a voice mail. ___ Paddy buys a humpty dumpty from aldi. It's... ...
A ventriloquist's car breaks down near a farm and he decides to have a little fun with the redneck farmer that owned it. "Hey there," he says. "I bet I can make your horse talk." "Horses don't... ...
Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect... ...
I was told I can look at an eclipse with a colander! I tried and it strained my eyes! ___ I bought a suit jacket from the mamas and the papas, all the sleeves were brown and the tie was grey. ___ They... ...
Just bumped into an old mate today. I said, "What are you doing these days?" He said, "I prepare meals for the homeless, drug addicts, *** heads and down and outs." I said, "Oh, are you working for... ...
Father in a conversation with a neighbour... First son: Degree in Economics Second son: MBA Third son: PhD Fourth son: Thief Neighbour: "Why can't you throw the fourth son out of your house?" Father:... ...
I've just swallowed some letters from my Scrabble set. Going to the toilet later could spell trouble.😂___Wife: What are your plans for Easter? Husband: Same as Jesus... Wife: What do you mean?...