Business & Finance2 mins ago
I was in the supermarket yesterday and as I was leaving, spotted a rather handsome looking assistant. "Do you carry shopping to a customers car free of charge?" I asked him. "Yes, madam" he replied... ...
A man made an appointment with his doctor after he kept seeing cream cakes floating about in the corners of his eyes. Dr said not to worry its just your profiterole vision.
Anybody wanting advice on cannabis, please press the# key
I went down to the library the other day, and I asked the lady behind the desk, "have you got any books on self-help?" She just looked at me over the top of her glasses and said, "well I could do,... ...
An office employee knowing his boss was off for the day transferred the office telephone to his own mobile phone and took it with him to play golf.
The boss called and asked how everything was... ...
The boss called and asked how everything was... ...
I was in a burger joint enjoying my meal, when suddenly out of the blue, some maniac strolled in and squirted tomato ketchup in my eyes. With the benefit of heinzite, I would have sat somewhere else๐
My wife and i often laugh about how competitive we are
I laugh louder though. ___ Because our new refrigerator was taller than our old one, I told my wife I'd have to cut away part of an overhanging... ...
I laugh louder though. ___ Because our new refrigerator was taller than our old one, I told my wife I'd have to cut away part of an overhanging... ...
I've got a friend who can only count up to three, but he still got a job.
He puts the crisps into Walkers crisp packets. ___ A lady dropped her handbag in the bustle of holiday shopping. An honest,... ...
He puts the crisps into Walkers crisp packets. ___ A lady dropped her handbag in the bustle of holiday shopping. An honest,... ...
I asked my grandma how she was enjoying her new stair lift. she said it was driving her up the wall. ___ I'm playing cricket against my local fish & chip shop later. Their fielders and bowlers... ...
with a tractor salesman. Sent me a John Deere letter this morning. ๐
A couple, Dave and Mabel, were staying at the Grand Hotel Llandudno -- fourth floor.
Dave calls the Hotel Manager "Come up quick. we've been arguing and Mabel wants to throw herself out of the... ...
Dave calls the Hotel Manager "Come up quick. we've been arguing and Mabel wants to throw herself out of the... ...
1st guy " I call my wife strwberry ". 2nd guy " why do you call her that "?. " because she's perfectly formed, gorgeous and is so sweet" 2nd guy " I call my wife blueberry " 1st guy "and why do you... ...
I was talking to a girl in a pub the other night and I said "You remind me of my little toe!"
She said "Is that because I’m small and cute?" I replied "No, it's because I’ll probably end up banging... ...
She said "Is that because I’m small and cute?" I replied "No, it's because I’ll probably end up banging... ...
A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When... ...
Just pipped in the pub quiz again tonight.
Apparently Joan of Arc was not Noah's wife.
___
We was so poor as kids my mum used to buy our clothes out of the army and navy store.
Wasn't so funny going... ...
Apparently Joan of Arc was not Noah's wife.
___
We was so poor as kids my mum used to buy our clothes out of the army and navy store.
Wasn't so funny going... ...
Dorothy and Edna, two “senior” widows, are talking.
Dorothy: “That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him... ...
Dorothy: “That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him... ...
Some idiot at the office turned up for work with sticky hair, I said to him "why on earth did you come to work looking like that" "He said, well, the label on the jar said... ...
A mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed,... ...
Just bought a humpty dumpty toy from Aldi.
It's brilliant, it comes with Aldi Kings horses and Aldi Kings men. ___ Managed to get hold of a box of counterfeit Mr Kipling Apple tarts.
They're... ...
It's brilliant, it comes with Aldi Kings horses and Aldi Kings men. ___ Managed to get hold of a box of counterfeit Mr Kipling Apple tarts.
They're... ...
Why are crabs so bad at sharing?. Because they are always shellfish. When does a joke become a dad... ...