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Jemisa

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excelsior-1

I Came Home The Other Day...

.. to find my girlfriend dipping twenty pound notes in batter and frying them. I said, "There you go again, frittering our money away!"...
18:22 Fri 12th Apr 201313 answers, last by Jemisa 22:43 Fri 12th Apr 2013
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Gizmonster

I Phoned My Wife Earlier And Told Her To Pack A Bag Immediately ..........

.................... as I'd booked us into a hotel for a few nights. "Oooh", she said, "Why's that?". I said, "Well darling, you know that I've been playing poker all day?" "Yes", she said really...
17:28 Mon 01st Apr 20137 answers, last by Gizmonster 18:38 Tue 02nd Apr 2013
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excelsior-1

Employed At The Zoo

Harry starts his new job at the zoo and he is given three tasks, the first is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. Harry starts on this when suddenly a bloody great fish leaps out and bites him....
20:08 Tue 26th Mar 20137 answers, last by marval 17:51 Thu 28th Mar 2013
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excelsior-1

Drink Fault Finding Guide

A solution to all of your drinking troubles Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet. Fault: Mouth not open or glass being applied to wrong part of face. Solution:...
09:54 Fri 22nd Mar 20132 answers, last by mushroom25 16:08 Fri 22nd Mar 2013
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excelsior-1

My Friend Sid ...

... has started calling himself S. He’s had to. Someone stole his ID....
18:27 Tue 12th Mar 20138 answers, last by Svejk 01:51 Wed 13th Mar 2013
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dickythecook

Antiques Roadshow

One should not take the English language for granted. Paddy took 2 stuffed dogs to Antiques Roadshow "Ooh!" said the presenter, "This is a very rare set, produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers...
15:20 Sat 02nd Mar 20137 answers, last by tenrec 18:27 Sat 02nd Mar 2013
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gollob

Why The Pope Resigned

The Pope was in his private residence having one off the wrist when he suddenly noticed a photographer at the window filming him. The Pope said please do not publish those photos as I will be ruined....
22:14 Mon 11th Feb 201322 answers, last by EDDIE51 07:32 Tue 12th Feb 2013
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excelsior-1

A Word To The Wise

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
22:50 Fri 01st Feb 20136 answers, last by frugalfred 13:10 Sat 02nd Feb 2013
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starone

Running The Marathon

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. 'Oh my God -...
10:26 Thu 24th Jan 20132 answers, last by excelsior-1 11:56 Thu 24th Jan 2013
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starone

Don't Mess With Old Folk

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist's desk, he...
12:30 Fri 14th Dec 20125 answers, last by marval 17:55 Fri 14th Dec 2012
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owdhamer

Good Afternoon Ladies.

Good afternoon to all the kind ladies om ab , Mrs Owd has had 2 fillings this morning and has to have a crown tomorrow her usual dentist is in New York with his girlfriend, she is not happy,but the...
15:44 Tue 11th Dec 20129 answers, last by owdhamer 20:05 Tue 11th Dec 2012
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Caribeing

Corrie Tina

Owen asked Tina if she was feeling ok as she looked pasty, she looked as if she had just come from the tanning parlour....
22:48 Fri 07th Dec 20126 answers, last by chaptazbru 17:01 Sat 08th Dec 2012
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starone

Smart Ar*se Answers

SMART AR*SE ANSWER 5 It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane: "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row. "What are my...
01:21 Sat 01st Dec 20127 answers, last by Baldric 16:30 Sat 01st Dec 2012
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starone

The Redneck

A Redneck went to the hospital as his wife was having a baby. Upon arriving he sits down, and the nurse says, "Congratulations, your wife has had quins, 5 big baby boys." The Redneck says,...
00:40 Sat 01st Dec 20125 answers, last by tonyav 17:27 Sun 02nd Dec 2012
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Jemisa

Books & Authors...

Books and Authors: 1) "A Day At The Beach" by C. Side 2) "A Large ***" by Hugh Janus 3) "A Visit To The Dentist" by Lord Howard Hertz Have you got some to add?.......
15:11 Wed 14th Nov 20128 answers, last by pjgriffo 23:22 Wed 12th Dec 2012
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Jemisa

The Time is...

While proudly showing off his new flat to friends, a college student led the way into the lounge. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the...
00:29 Sat 03rd Nov 20129 answers, last by JonnyBoy12 18:56 Sun 04th Nov 2012
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starone

Why, Why, Why

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak? Why do banks charge a fee due to insufficient funds when they already know you're broke? Why is it that when...
23:18 Sun 21st Oct 20123 answers, last by marval 14:12 Mon 22nd Oct 2012
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Jemisa

Great Senior Moment!...

Great Senior Moment! Here's a quote from a government employee who witnessed an interaction between an elderly woman and an antiwar protester in Londons Kings Cross station.. There were protesters...
23:56 Sat 06th Oct 20126 answers, last by tonyav 19:30 Sun 07th Oct 2012
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starone

The Dentist

A guy and a girl meet at a bar…… They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then...
22:48 Sat 06th Oct 20123 answers, last by lady-janine 01:08 Sun 07th Oct 2012
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starone

Best Come Back line?

Recently, a female police officer arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, for fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night. The next day, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse,...
09:44 Fri 05th Oct 20126 answers, last by marval 12:21 Fri 05th Oct 2012

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