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Hopkirk

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Hopkirk
I am addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want....
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Hopkirk
I phoned the local ramblers club. The guy who answered just went on and on....
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Hopkirk
OCD. I've checked three or four hundred times, and I definitely don't have it.
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Hopkirk
My new girlfriend asked me what I do for a job, and I told her I work in a bowling alley. She said "Ten pin?" "No, it's a permanent position" I told her....
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Hopkirk
I saw this bloke who was a cross between an ostrich and a serial killer. He was always burying other people’s heads in the sand...
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Hopkirk
I am getting a lease car in a couple of weeks. When it's arrived, I'm going to quickly sell my 7 year old car with average mileage. It will go to webuyanycar, or Motorway. When I sell it there will be...
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Hopkirk
I just found out that rubbish collectors don't get any training to do the job. They just pick things up as they go along....
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Hopkirk
My bestest friend, you are.
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Hopkirk
So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.'...
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Hopkirk
My mate asked me "what do you think of voluntary work?" I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me"...
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Hopkirk
The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves....
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Hopkirk
The police have confirmed that the man who fell from a 15th storey night club was not a bouncer.
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Hopkirk
I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!
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Hopkirk
Someone keeps leaving celery and rhubarb on my doorstep. I think I have a stalker....
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Hopkirk
Dogs can't operate MRI machines, but catscan....
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Hopkirk
What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic? Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there’s a dog....
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Hopkirk
This bloke said "I'm going to chop off the bottom of your trouser leg and put it in the library" I thought "that's a turn up for the books"...
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Hopkirk
Sundays are a little sad, but the day before is a sadder day.
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Hopkirk
Leeds. Burnley or Everton?
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Hopkirk
I accidentally sat on the wife's hair dryer. That put the wind up me....

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