"Dear Correspondent
With reference to your enquiry of the 8th inst, I beg leave to inform you that I am now dead. My demise came about in a manner somewhat akin to that of Henry the First of England, whom you may recall died of a surfeit of lampreys. In my case death was brought about by a surfeit of that canned delicacy known as Spam.
Yours in rigor mortis, . . . "