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One of the least offensive songs is Turtles Heads.
I've edited the following lyrics...
"The fit bird at Tesco with the massive ***s said she'd meet me tonight
And she'd ring me at six,
The phone's rung twice, I haven't picked it up,
Coz I'm sitting here staring at a toilet duck
There's a turd hanging out of my ar*e
I've strained and I've pushed 'til my sphincter bled
There's a turd hanging out of my ar*e
It won't come out, it won't go back, its turtle's heads"