In Prison

[SpikeyBush]

A distant cousin of my wife has been sent down for messing with small boys. The whole family are distraught, especially as when he was on his way to court he said it was only for motoring offences. His mother is in her 80s and taking this very badly, I fear this could finish her off as she hasn't been well recently. How can I help her?

[wolf63]

Does his mum know what he has been sent to prison for? Or does she just know that he is in prison? I doubt that there is much that you can do but listen to her.

He has committed a horrible crime and she has Will feel tarnished by it. If it has been reported in the local press she may find herself as a target for some verb s l abuse.

It must be a horrible time for all the family. Hopefully someone might be able to give you some more helpful assistance. :-)

[Mamyalynne]

My heart goes out to the whole family especially the elderly Mum, might you be able in some way to soften what she knows and hears - it will do her no good at this stage to know the full truth. A very difficult situation and one I can understand.

[SpikeyBush]

Thanks for your kind replies, I had been braced for some nasty comments.
Unfortunately his mother knows exactly what he did and the whole manor knows too as it was in the local rag.

[wolf63]

I really feel for his family as well as his victims. Alas men who commit such crimes usually look "normal" and I suppose that is how they get away with it.

I amusing my Kindle just now and doing a search will be too fiddly, but there is bound to be some sort of organisation that can help families tarnished by the crimes of family members - I have no spellchecker so won't attempt the "paedo" word.

I hope y hay he has dará junto adequately punished for his crimes.

[SpikeyBush]

Well Wolf he'll wait a long while for a cup of tea in my drum. He's not welcome anywhere on the manor

[wolf63]

I understand, it sickens me that such individuals are allowed to remain "intact". Castration would be a good punishment.

[andy-hughes]

You have to remind his mum that our children do not belong to us - they are loaned to us for a short time.

After that, they become independent thinking and acting adults, and do as they wish - which may not reflect the morals and graces with which they have been raised.

All any parent of any child can do is to explain to the child, in language appropriate to the child's development, the way the world turns.

If you do this - this will happen, of you do that, that will happen, some good, some bad, but essentially, actions have consequences.

Now - armed with the information and love i have given you, and will continue to give you until i die, off you go into the world and do what you will.

I hope you will be a good person. If you are not, then i have done everything in my power as a parent to make sure that you understand that the world is not yours to use as you please - you live in a society with rules, and you must obey those rules.

If you do bad things, it will not stop me loving you, but I may distance myself from you to prevent further hurt coming down on me through the way you behave.

I will tell myself every day that i did everything in my power to make you a good person, and if you are not, it is because that is how you chose tyo behave, despite everything i taught you and the love I showed whle teaching you.

I will feel responsible for what you have done, but I must not, because it s your choices and actions, not mine.

I will do my best to come to terms with the person you are, and the things you have done, and I know that i could not have done anything different to make you different that the man you are.

there is no future for me in shame over you, i just live my life and hold my head high, and know that i could not have done more. That will sustain me through the hard times ahead.

Not all the times - I will weep when alone for the man you are - but I am a person too, and my life must go on.

[Peter Pedant]

yeah I think the mum will immediately start thinking - could I have done anything to prevent this

and I think you have to reassure her the answer is no.