The Post Office Horizon Enquiry
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The Answerbank Radio Show - Saturday Episode
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In the village of Answerbank Under the Wold (twinned with Condom, France and Wy-O-Wy-Me, North Korea), Saturday was half day closing and most of the villagers were gathered in the Quizzes and Puzzles Arms. The mood was subdued, and after ordering himself a small sherry, The Reverend Venator turned to face the crowd.
"We have to face facts. Several of the villagers have vanished and no -one knows where they are."
"Do we know who is missing?" asked Mrs Mazie, the village baker?
The Rev Venator unfolded a piece of paper.
"So far, we have Ms Starbuckone, Ms Ann, Ms TTFN, and Ms Kikifrog, who all vanished on their way home from that lap dancing club they work in. Also missing is Mr Commoner the gravedigger, Ms Humbersloop who runs the pedallo concession on the river, Ms Ecclescake and Ms Traci who run that massage parlour, and no one has seen my chief organist Sunnydave for over a week."
"I reckon that Dave has gone off on his moped and is up to no good with wimmin" interjected Miss Maidup. She then slid back down in her seat, knowing full well she should be at work and not sat in the pub drinking pints of Newcastle Brown. Fortunately, her employer, the super model, philanthropist and all round good egg Mrs Overall was away for the day.
Just then the pub door crashed open and in burst Tony the plumber.
"I think I know where they are" he yelled. "I was out ...erm.....jogging with my dog, and you'll never guess what I saw?"
"Hah, that's his way of describing dogging" cackled Mrs AYG from her barstool.
Ignoring her, Tony continued. "You know the old lodge in the woods? Well it's been done up and I reckon it's a cult and they've all been brainwashed."
"Someone should check this out" said the Rev Venator.
The room went quiet and the customers all discovered a sudden interest in the pub carpet.
Drawing herself up to her full height of 4'5", Ms Craft the shopkeeper said in a quiet voice "I'll go."
Mr Ratter piped up "Me and my Yorkshire terrier will come with you."
The brave duo left the pub and twenty minutes later they were observing the old lodge in the woods.
"Look, there is a sign on the door" said Ms Craft. "It says 'Mick Talbot's Home For the Not Quite Criminally Insane But Not The Full Shilling Either"
Just then, a familiar face appeared at an upstairs window.
"Look who it is" gasped Ms Craft.
(cue theme music as the episode ends)
"We have to face facts. Several of the villagers have vanished and no -one knows where they are."
"Do we know who is missing?" asked Mrs Mazie, the village baker?
The Rev Venator unfolded a piece of paper.
"So far, we have Ms Starbuckone, Ms Ann, Ms TTFN, and Ms Kikifrog, who all vanished on their way home from that lap dancing club they work in. Also missing is Mr Commoner the gravedigger, Ms Humbersloop who runs the pedallo concession on the river, Ms Ecclescake and Ms Traci who run that massage parlour, and no one has seen my chief organist Sunnydave for over a week."
"I reckon that Dave has gone off on his moped and is up to no good with wimmin" interjected Miss Maidup. She then slid back down in her seat, knowing full well she should be at work and not sat in the pub drinking pints of Newcastle Brown. Fortunately, her employer, the super model, philanthropist and all round good egg Mrs Overall was away for the day.
Just then the pub door crashed open and in burst Tony the plumber.
"I think I know where they are" he yelled. "I was out ...erm.....jogging with my dog, and you'll never guess what I saw?"
"Hah, that's his way of describing dogging" cackled Mrs AYG from her barstool.
Ignoring her, Tony continued. "You know the old lodge in the woods? Well it's been done up and I reckon it's a cult and they've all been brainwashed."
"Someone should check this out" said the Rev Venator.
The room went quiet and the customers all discovered a sudden interest in the pub carpet.
Drawing herself up to her full height of 4'5", Ms Craft the shopkeeper said in a quiet voice "I'll go."
Mr Ratter piped up "Me and my Yorkshire terrier will come with you."
The brave duo left the pub and twenty minutes later they were observing the old lodge in the woods.
"Look, there is a sign on the door" said Ms Craft. "It says 'Mick Talbot's Home For the Not Quite Criminally Insane But Not The Full Shilling Either"
Just then, a familiar face appeared at an upstairs window.
"Look who it is" gasped Ms Craft.
(cue theme music as the episode ends)
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So am I actually doing the lap dancing or have they shoved me in the back room making the tea where I can't be seen (or I might frighten the customers away)? Also in order to be brain washed you first have to have a brain - not sure I have one, or not one of any great value. Keep up the good work, I am longing to know what happens next. And thanks for the part in this dark drama.
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