Yes Im a dreadful woman!

[Smowball]

Ok big cop out coz I know most of my lovelies on here will be fast asleep..... anyhoo!!


how many of you can honestly say you love your stepchildren??There, ive said it!! now I will burn in hell!!

[boxtops]

why is it dreadful, smow? as they say "you can choose your friends, you can't choose your family"

[AB Editor]

"the present Mrs Hughes"

Hope she's not too present Andy, that's one step away from "I'd like to introduce you to my current wife,"

How old Smo?

[RATTER15]

When I was married to my last wife, I loved her children like my own, OK, one of them was a little sh!t, he was stabbed to death a couple of years ago, he mixed in very dodgy circles indeed. (not to speak ill of the dead) but we knew he had it coming!

[Smowball]

She is 12. Its been difficult - her mother has done anything and everything to stop hubbie seeing child. has been through courts for years. blooming nightmare. Not helped by her telling her mother and court officers absolute blatant lies/stories about things that are meant to have been done and said. Tells hubbie ive done things, quite serious things, then stands back and watches the reaction.

[albaqwerty]

She has problems Smo, I hope they get sorted for her sake.

[Smowball]

Alba, Ive said for years that she needs to speak to somebody professionally. She told us all that her best friend as school had died breaking their neck falling doen the stairs and she was devestated. My hubbie called her school and said child was doing PE!

[NOX]

Yep that all sounds about normal. Mattie ( the one who isn't either of ours) came from a very difficult homelife and had no father figure ever except me so was stupidly protective and possessive of me and hated, and I mean HATED my wife ( for no good reason except that I loved her- it was a jealousy thing). He poured water into her computer (she was editing a music video for a client at the time and it caused holy hell destroying a lot of work she'd already done) and also made a point of being as rude and nasty as he could manage on top of trashing anything of hers he could find of sentimental value to her.He told lies about her and generally made her life a misery. Kids with a mixed up background can be HORRIBLE, however slowly he came round ( largely due to her being awesomely patient) and they are now very close and love each other like mother and son. It's difficult with teenagers, they're angry and screwed up a lot of the time, but it's still largely to be expected. Just try and stick with it, communicate and kill her with kindness smow.

[Smowball]

Its really hard NOX when the visits are so erratic. It can be every month, at the min she hasnt been for 6 months - hubbie will drive all way to house to be told "she doesnt want to come"

[flump1]

Hi smowball, I am the proud step parent of three children and I love the very bones of them. Oh blimey there are times I so wish they had volume control and an on- off button. I put myself in their shoes and soon find there is just loads of love to go round.

[NOX]

Tbh, at 12 she's old enough to decide that and probably will on more than one occasion, all you can do then is make sure she's aware of your desire to see her and leave her to come to you. The mother and her antics will become irrelevant the older the child gets, but try to stick with it and imagine if you were in her situation, you'd feel, angry, hurt, erratic, unable to properly communicate how or why you were feeling that and would likely lash out. That's all she's doing. With regard to the enormous dramatic lies, it's an attention seeking thing, when you find one out just calmly mention it and don't get into a slanging match about it, and just give her plenty of positive attention the rest of the time. It's a long haul job, but it'll be worth it.

[Smowball]

Totally agree NOX but when the child lives 120 miles away its not that easy! She says that she only refuses to come because her mum tells her to. Oh its soooo confusing! lol

[flump1]

Smowball, just to contradict you, ......your stepchild sounds like she is ( to coin a horrible phrase ) " damaged" . That in NO way makes you a dreadful woman. You haven't said you don't love yours, there is no law that says we have to love them. I got lucky with mine I guess. You have always come across as caring and if the child is giving you grief now.....just try to remember ..it won't last for ever. Chin up xx