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Weight Loss...

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Jemisa | 13:36 Mon 19th Nov 2012 | Jokes
15 Answers
A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to VERY serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a guaranteed weight loss program. "Guaranteed my ass", he thought to himself, but desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3 day 10 pound weight loss program.

The next day there is a knock at his door and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptous, athletic, beautiful babe dressed in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, "If you can catch me you can have me!"

Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.

After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business."

The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens. On the fourth day he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost ten pounds, as promised.

So, he calls the company and orders from them their 5 day/ 20 pound program. As expected, the next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunningly beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

He's after her in a shot. This girl is in great shape and it takes a while to catch her, but when he does, it's worth every cramp and wheeze. She is by far the best he's ever had. For the next four days, the same routine happens and much to his delight on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another twenty pounds as promised!

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7 day/50 pound loss program. "Are you sure," asks the representative on the phone, "this is our most rigorous program..." "Absolutely," he replies. "I haven't felt this great in years!"

The next day there is a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds Graham Norton standing there wearing nothing but pink racing spikes and a sign around his neck that reads,

"If I catch you, I can have you!"

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Big LOL, Jem.
13:39 Mon 19th Nov 2012
Big LOL, Jem.
Quite put me off my lunch. Lol.
Question Author
awww! MM hope you feel better soon. x

jem
lol
Brilliant Jem.
For a moment i thought the last one might have been the girls' vengeful boyfriends offering him the chance to out-run them
tee-hee another good one jem
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I want to lose weight in a week
When the holidays, the holidays or any important celebration approaches, we look in the mirror or on the scale and we want to lose some kilo. The problem is that we only have a few days at the key moment and we need to lose weight in a week.

We can follow some strict diet as the diet to lose 10 kilos but probably not want to lose much weight or can’t follow such a rigid diet. For those cases, the most recommended are the plan that we propose below. These are 7 simple rules which how to lose weight in a week. The pounds you lose will depend on whether you follow the rules better or worse, so you control the outcome and the difficulty.

The seven standards
First rule: One week

You can only follow this weight loss program for seven days. If you follow it for a longer time it will begin to have negative effects on your mood and your health. If you want to lose weight without diets continue reading.

Second standard: Temperate water with lemon

Each morning will begin taking a glass of warm water with the juice of half a lemon. And no sugar. That will help mobilize your body, clean it and prepare it for weight loss.

At night, before going to bed, do the same again, drinking another glass of water tempered with lemon. Again without sugar.

Third rule: No carbohydrates

Forget carbohydrates throughout this week. No sugar, pasta, bread, potatoes, rice, … You can take foods that provide protein and fiber, always in moderate amounts but remember, no carbohydrates. If you have questions, ask or look at the product labels. In all of them appear the amounts of carbohydrates, such as carbohydrates or carbohydrates. If carbohydrates, proteins, fats and carbohydrates are more carbohydrate, eliminate it from your diet this week.

For example, you can start the day (after your glass of water with lemon) with some eggs passed through water, some vegetables or some pieces of fruit. At dinner, you can take a salad or fat burning soup and some chicken or low – fat fish. As for drinks, you can only drink water during this week.

The fourth rule: Do not skip any food

This rule is more important than it seems. If you skip some food, when you get to the next, you will be very hungry and eat more than you should, so that excess will accumulate in the form of fats. Remember that is what you want to avoid. This way you can follow your plan how to lose weight in a week without problems. So do not forget to make your 4 or 5 meals a day.

Fifth standard: Sugar outside
More at: http://www.thesmartweightloss.com/how-to-lose-weight-in-a-week/
http://www.thesmartweightloss.com
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