For answers to both of these, I'd strongly recommend discussing with your counsellor as to what they had in mind.
Bear in mind, though, that it's certain that nothing you are experiencing is unique to you. It's one of the curses of mental health problems -- you are always convinced that you are the only person going through that, because you can't see inside anyone else's head, but chances are that there are many people you've met and continue to meet that share the same or similar thoughts. If it helps, remember that: you aren't alone.