Should I lie to my friend

[missprim]

This is one of those 'should I post it here or somewhere else'
Please tell me if you feel I should ask in a different section.
Yesterday a friend of mine told me she thinks her 2 sons have been lying to her and she asked me if I could find out if they are.
Well I have found out they have been lying to her for sure but I know that if I tell her the truth she will be upset.
So do I lie to her and tell her I have been unable to find out anything or do I tell her the truth?
I hate telling lies but on the other hand I don't want my friend to be upset.
What do you think I should do?
At the moment I think it's best that I lie and tell her I've been unable to find out anything but I'm worried that sometime in the future she will find out I lied to her and she will be very mad at me.

[sara3]

well she's going to be delighted when she finds out she's surrounded by liars!

it depends what it is, but she asked you and trusted you.. you should tell the truth.

[maggiebee]

Agree with Sara - she did ask you after all.

[joeluke]

Tell her what you know, wouldn't you want to know if it was your kids?

[grasscarp]

If you are her friend and she asked you to do this, and you did, then I dont think you can do other than to break it to her gently. If you didnt want to get caught in this dilemma then you should not have agreed to do it.

[bednobs]

you should have just said no if you were going to do it then lie about the answer! It's hard to say without knowing what it is i suppose!

[4getmenot]

a true mate shouldnt have asked you to do something like that anyway. They are her sons to ask herself. Id have told her not to put me in that position in first place. So for doing so i would just say you havnt found anything out so to stop you getting mixed up in anything more.

[Prudie]

How old are the sons? Is it something very serious they've been lying about? Actually it doesn't matter. She will find out sometime anyway and as a friend you should tell her what she's asked you.

[missprim]

Her circumstances family wise are completely different to mine so I can't say whether I would prefer to know or not, it's so difficult.
Also if I tell her the truth her sons will know I snitched and they will probably not speak to me again, which you may think is a good thing, but apart from this particular thing, they are really quite good boys.

[missprim]

Both in their 30's prudie

[grasscarp]

She already suspects they are lying. She is right. You can say to her that you dont really want her to let you in it with the boys.

[sara3]

but you knew that before you asked them

[grasscarp]

30!!! Then they probably know you will tell their mum anyway.

[cazzz1975]

well I think your relationship with your friend is probably more important than the relationship you have with her sons. honesty is the best policy and like you said, what if she finds out you lied in the future?

[Voulez-vous]

I had similar circumstances once, but in my case it was a daughter who was keeping something from mum.

I spilled. The friendship with the daughter was ruined, but there was nothing else I could have done. 30 yrs later , the daughter and I speak, but special friendship was over. I'd still do the same again, though.

[cazzz1975]

what kind of lie would stop an adult child speaking to their parents??

[ummmm]

They're in their 30's.....Jeez.

[brenda]

Hopefully you will learn from this sad task. If you are a friend and you take on the job of finding something out for your friend you have a duty to tell her the result of your enquiry.

There can only be one loser in this and that may well be you. Think twice in future missprim before you make a commitment.

[missprim]

I didn't ask them sara I found out another way.If I had asked them they would have given me the same answer they gave my friend.
The reason my friend asked me to find out was because she knew i was the only person she knows that could find out and I suppose she does have the right to know if she is being lied to.
Thank for talking to me about this as it is helping me to decide.

[ummmm]

So someone else told you? Dangerous ground you're walking on there!!!

[missprim]

Point taken Brenda but when I said I would help her find out I didn't realise the consequences and I suppose I was just hoping I would find out that they hadn't been lying to her.