Problems with ex-wife

[bobjugs12]

Hi there, here's something i'm struggling to figure out.

My ex wife left me for another man after she'd had a string of affairs whilst we were married. We've been apart for approx 8 months now and her new fella has moved in with her. I've also started a new relationship.

Now i see my kids every weekend (they live 100 miles away) and all three kids have said they want to live with me, not their mother. Even my ex has been forced to admit that the kids are happier and better behaved for me than they are for her. I have helped her with different aspects of discipline and rewards for the kids to make sure they get the best possible life.

So here's where the question comes in: She has recently started acting like my best mate, telling me all about her new relationship, phoning me whilst (she knew) I was on a night out with my new girlf to tell me she was having a miscarriage, telling me all about her new bloke crashing his car. Why? She slept with other men whilst I was deployed on operations with the military, and then left me for a meat-headed van-driver. Does she really think I care? Should I politely tell her to go forth and multiply, or just nod along blankly for the sake of peace and quiet? Or is there an ulterior motive here? Is she trying to hurt me by showing how great her life is now? Or, is this some form of attempt at reconcilliation?

Ideas or hints welcome. Thanks

[Booldawg]

Its because you've found someone else - trust me. I was once with a woman who left me for someone else but was seriously peeved when I found someone else. I dont understand that mentality. They dont want you but dont want you to have anyone else.

Just go along with it and do the best for your kids -sounds like you are anyway!

[brenda]

Think Booldawg is right , it is an attempt to de-stabilise your new relationship.Suggest you stay polite , keep conversations brief, unless it is about the children.If is not a good time to talk with her , and the children are not involved , just let her know that it is not a good time and hang up.

[Bbbananas]

I absolutely agree with boold and brenda. Stay polite with her for the sake of the kids but make it clear it is only the children's life & welfare you are now concerned about, and that's really all you want to discuss.

She made her bed - let her lie on it with her new fella. You enjoy the lying on yours! xx

[bobjugs12]

The kids are aged 8 downwards.

The only problem with all this is my current missus is starting to get paranoid. No matter how much I reassure that i'd rather feed myself, head first, into a woodchipper than get into bed with her again; she's still convinced that i'll go back to her if she asks.

[Bbbananas]

That's only natural bob, and quite understandable with you ex being as she is.
Just reassure your new lady - she'll need plenty of it.

[Sqad]

Totally predictable tactic by women after realising that the grass is NOT greener on the other side.

Now, Bob, for the sake of your present relationship (if you value it that is), cut the ex. off as completely as possible. Tell her that you are no longer interested and that she (the ex) is history.

People will despair of your attitude if you so take me advice, but if you don't, then you might find that two relationships are bu99ered up.

Also..the kids.....they are mentally stronger than people give the credit for and anyway if anything turns out untoward for them, you will get the blame.

Sink the EX.............now.

[Bbbananas]

sqad could be right bob - after all, it's not as though your ex had just the one affair - from what you said, she had a "whole string of them".... Don't let her string you along and ruin any chance of happiness with anyone else.

You have to talk to her about your children - but leave it at just that.

[bobjugs12]

Thats the problem. She either speaks to me after i've finished talking to the kids, and uses an issue with the kids as a cover; or she grabs me as I drop the nippers off or pick them up, and chats away in full view of the kids. This way I'm stuck talking to her, otherwise the little 'uns will see daddy cutting mummy off. It's a no win and I'm getting really frustrated by it all.

I've even started pitying the new bloke, as he has no idea what she's doing (she only chats when he's at work), and he's given up his place to move into my old house (gracefully furnished by me ;) ) and brought his little lad into all this.

[Bbbananas]

Be short and sharp with her - not rude, not abusive, not ignorant - just keep it short & make it clear you really have no time for chit chat, only important children stuff.

[Sqad]

Bob, you are weak and if you are not careful you will be weak AND a loser.

[Bbbananas]

He's not weak sqad - he's decent.

[Sqad]

vibra....how do you know that I haven't?


All your posts consist of calling me a dick and worse than that in the past.

Let's "cut to the chase".....you have every right to think of me so and if it pleases you I will agree that i am all those things.

Now pick on someone else.

[bobjugs12]

Sqad, justify your comment. How the hell have you got to the conclusion that i'm weak? Because a) I don't want to antagonise a woman who could (and has in the past) *** me off to my kids, or b) jeapordise a situation where I have regular access to my kids; if she decides to be difficult it's gonna cost me months of time and thousands of pounds to be able to re-establish contact?

C'mon mate, lets hear it?

[Sqad]

salla...one can be decent AND weak.....two different adjectives.

[Bbbananas]

I know they're two different words sqad - but I think bob is only one of them - decent.

What he's just put is spot on - he doesn't want to antagonise his ex, he doesn't want to jeopardise seeing his kids or being made to look the baddie. I don't see that as a sign of weakness - I can see why he took offence at that - he being a military man?