I have a confession to make . . .
I couldn't for the life of me figure out why 'God' would insist on me believing in 'Him' when everything I was told about 'Him' gave me every reason not to believe 'He' exists? Nevertheless, as a naive young child at one point I did cave to the pressure after about an hour and professed to believe simply because I felt bad for the preacher and couldn't see my way clear of the imagined consequences I faced after all that time saying "No I don't believe" to all the people waiting outside for me to make up my mind. Do to the lack of courage to stand by my convictions in that moment, I still, to this very day feel like I'm smothering in the sea of irrationality I resigned myself to the moment I said, "I do". Is it any wonder I've never married?
My ability to trust in the good judgment of those around me and to tell the truth in all situations where I foresee possible negative repercussions persists to this day. If I were ever to be put on trial for murder, I feel certain I would be convicted in spite of my innocence simply because of my obvious mistrust of those around me. My fear of standing up against the religious and unfounded philosophical beliefs of others has made my day to day existence a living hell and I remain a victim of my own insecurity in spite of my best efforts to battle an injustice I should never have sanctioned by my childhood refusal to admit my unbelief.