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jokes..
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whats the best joke you,ve heard in ages:-{}
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A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase some see-through lingerie for his wife.
He is shown several possibilities that range from �250 to �500 in price, the more see-through, the higher the price. He opts for the sheerest item, pays the �500 and takes the lingerie home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.
Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea - it's so see-through I might as well wear nothing, so I won't put it on, do the modeling naked and return it tomorrow for a �500 refund for myself. She then appears naked at the top of the stairs and strikes a pose.
The husband says, "Good Grief! It wasn't that creased in the shop".
His funeral is this Thursday.
He is shown several possibilities that range from �250 to �500 in price, the more see-through, the higher the price. He opts for the sheerest item, pays the �500 and takes the lingerie home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.
Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea - it's so see-through I might as well wear nothing, so I won't put it on, do the modeling naked and return it tomorrow for a �500 refund for myself. She then appears naked at the top of the stairs and strikes a pose.
The husband says, "Good Grief! It wasn't that creased in the shop".
His funeral is this Thursday.
When you are in a crowd, there usualy comes a time when there is a pause in conversation.
When that happens, look at your watch and say, loud enough for all to hear,
" Well, my wife/husband/whoever will be on the plane now".
I guarantee that someone will ask where they are going.
You answer "Nowhere, they're taking half an inch off the bottom of the bathroom door!"
This will be followed by a collective groan.
When that happens, look at your watch and say, loud enough for all to hear,
" Well, my wife/husband/whoever will be on the plane now".
I guarantee that someone will ask where they are going.
You answer "Nowhere, they're taking half an inch off the bottom of the bathroom door!"
This will be followed by a collective groan.
Rather a silly one. Much like Marmite, you'll either love ior hate it.:
This chap walks into a pub and to his astonishment, notices that there's a chap stood at the bar who has a huge orange for a head. Despite his curiousity, the chap decides not to pry and sits down quietly.
After a few drinks, curiosity has overcome the chap and he decides to enquire.
"Excuse me, mate, but I couldn't help noticing you have a big orange for a head. What happened?"
"Well," says the man with the big orange for a head, "I moved into a large old house not so long ago. One afternoon, I decided to explore the attic and found an old brass lamp in the corner. I rubbed the lamp and a Genie popped out, explained he had been trapped in there for two hundred years, and would grant me three wishes for releasing him."
"So what did you ask for first?" asks the curious chap.
"I asked for ten million pounds. The Genie clapped his hands, there was a flash of lightning, and he asked me to phone the bank, who confirmed my balance was now ten million pounds!"
"What did you ask for with your second wish?"
"Well, I asked if I could make love to the ten most beautiful women in the world. Again, the Genie clapped his hands, there was a flash of lightning, and the doorbell rang. Ten supermodels ran in, picked me up, carried me to bed, and ravished me all night!"
"Wow," says the curious chap, "What did you ask for with your third wish?"
"Well, I asked for a big orange for a head."
This chap walks into a pub and to his astonishment, notices that there's a chap stood at the bar who has a huge orange for a head. Despite his curiousity, the chap decides not to pry and sits down quietly.
After a few drinks, curiosity has overcome the chap and he decides to enquire.
"Excuse me, mate, but I couldn't help noticing you have a big orange for a head. What happened?"
"Well," says the man with the big orange for a head, "I moved into a large old house not so long ago. One afternoon, I decided to explore the attic and found an old brass lamp in the corner. I rubbed the lamp and a Genie popped out, explained he had been trapped in there for two hundred years, and would grant me three wishes for releasing him."
"So what did you ask for first?" asks the curious chap.
"I asked for ten million pounds. The Genie clapped his hands, there was a flash of lightning, and he asked me to phone the bank, who confirmed my balance was now ten million pounds!"
"What did you ask for with your second wish?"
"Well, I asked if I could make love to the ten most beautiful women in the world. Again, the Genie clapped his hands, there was a flash of lightning, and the doorbell rang. Ten supermodels ran in, picked me up, carried me to bed, and ravished me all night!"
"Wow," says the curious chap, "What did you ask for with your third wish?"
"Well, I asked for a big orange for a head."
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