If you had to write a 'small ad ' for a lonely hearts column ...

rowanwitch | 13:04 Fri 09th Jul 2010 | ChatterBank

26 Answers

How would you advertise yourself....you can only afford the basic 40 word ad.....

We are taught not to repeat gossip.

Freaked out by the hospital!

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redman41

Small lumpy squid monkey seeks healthy woman with no identifying scars, any age. Must have all limbs. Recommend appreciation of high-pitched, screeching noises. Must like being bored and lonely. Must not touch the squids, EVER.

-- answer removed --

rowanwitch

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Daft bat seeks rich individual with private belfry for adut fun....long term relationship possible...but like seafood

craft1948

Young at heart lady pensioner with GSOH, would like to meet much older, childless, rich gentleman, hobbies are mountain climbing, bungee jumping, and skydiving.

rowanwitch

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sorry should be Must like seafood...

rowanwitch

Question Author

should that be 'with multiple medical problems as well craft'

Davethedog

Like a drink, don't nag, get your coat youve pulled.

redman41

MWM, 73, looking for SWF 18-35 for an intimate encounter with my wife and myself in a threesome. She's a young 81 yrs of age and she's very pretty. 4' 3" 420 lbs. Sure, her tits drag on the carpet till her nipples bleed and she had to lift them and her belly out of the way just to sit down, but she's beautiful. The things she does with her teeth are out of this world, too, especially when their in her mouth. My****is three and a half inches too. I hope that's not too big for you ladies. If it is, I promise to be gentle. Anyway, I gotta go take a sh*t, so I'll just wait for you ladies to respond. If you just want the wife, that's cool too.

McMouse

Old bloke, own hair, teeth and house. Non smoking wine swigging overweight teller of questionably funny tales. Snores when p1ssed.

rowanwitch

Question Author

Have to say not many takers for the gentlemen... Craft might pull though

craft1948

should that be 'with multiple medical problems as well craft'

No I'm aiming for subtlety here.....

rowanwitch

Question Author

Middle aged and chunky lady with chequered past seeks volunteer to make future even more so....Must like football and rugby, and enjoy decent booze and good food
female preferred but would make exception for right man