As much use as...

[Rusks]

Can anyone tell me any alternatives to the phrase;
"as much use as / as useless as a chocolate teapot"?
No more than 3 words please, and not rude!
I already know chocolate fender, waterproof teabag, glass hammer, newspaper raincoat / umbrella.
Thanks :)

[Quizmonster]

A lead parachute.

[toonmilo]

Inflatable Dartboard

[toonmilo]

As much use as an ashtray on a motorbike

[valerieb1254]

A chocolate teapot.

[Octavius]

As much use....

�as a surfboard with handlebars
�as a one legged man in an ar5e kicking contest (a bit long that one)
�as a plastic oven
�as non-stick Cellotape
�as a glass hammer
�as a packet of rubber nails
�as roll-on hairspray
�as a Braille speedometer
�as an ejector seat in a helicopter

[Thunderbird+]

.....Alcohol free vodka

[taichiperson]

chocolate fireguard

[bimbim]

Underwater fish tank

[defenstrate]

a labour goverment
a blind guidedog
a square wheel

[JackDanielsU]

A flammable fire extinguisher

A glass cricket bat

A blind lifeguard

An asleep *************

A lead balloon

See-through mirror

Solar-powered foghorn

Objective journalism

A condom with a hole in it

[JackDanielsU]

an asleep night --watchman then

[bimbim]

Frank fatboy Lampard

[angeldraws]

stevie wonder's sunglasses

[angeldraws]

...a concrete trampoline....

[TheBaron]

fart in a spacesuit

[Rusks]

Very good, all of you! Some of them a bitstrange perhaps, but very good all the same. I have chosen to use Waterproof Teabag for the purposes of whatever it was, but I will bear the others in mind and attempt to drop them in to a conversation at some point in the future. I can just see it now; "You're as much use a Labour government". Yeah...

[punkahoy]

a peddle-powered wheelchair

a pork pie at a jewish wedding

[cinquepunto]

...Anne Frank's drumkit