If you wanted to go to a funeral....

[devilspawn]

but knew that the family expressly didnt want you there (for reasons of their that you KNEW were hypocritical)........ would you still go?

ps sorry to be sombre :(

[boxtops]

I think I would, but I would keep low key and stay at the back.

[stokemaveric]

not really..out of respect for the deceased person.........

[jackthehat]

If I felt I wanted to pay my respects, or that the deceased would have wanted me there I'd attend.

However, I wouldn't attend just to prove a point, or to cause unnecessary distress to the grieving family if I were not closely related.

[dothawkes31]

No I don't think so, it's bad enough and emotions run high, you can pay your respects in other less public ways , make a donation, send the undertaker a card to pass on, send flowers to the hospital, noone else will worry i you don't go but they may understandablyu over react if you do, anger plays a big part in the actions of the bereaved

[ELVIS68]

Any excuse not to go to a funeral sounds good to me

[boxtops]

I've not been in this position (although I can think of onesituation which could be awkward for me) but it really would depend at the time on all the circumstances. If it was to pay respects to someone who'd been important to me in life, then my wish would be to attend.

[flobadob]

It depends. Is the person being told not to come also a family member or just a friend of the deceased?

[bigfoot3000]

As has been said If you were part of the family then I would be there no matter what, but if you wasn't then I think it would be better to keep away as upsetting the family at a time where it would be immoral to do so, I would just go to the grave site another day and pay my respects then.

[20SilkCut]

I probably would not go - just in case it caused a scene. Funerals are emotional and you may be the brunt of someone's anger. But i guess its your call.....

[dizmouk2009]

A funeral is one of many ways in which to pay respect, I think you should do as you feel, in the end you've lost someone who means something to you as much as their family has.

[stokemaveric]

and...you could find out where they are buried or where their ashes are and go and pay your respects in private..after all they aret going anywhere are they???

[mightyWBA]

Pay your respects just after the funeral ,in private, after they've gone.
It's a stressful enough time anyway and it's more respectful to the deceased.
I speak from experience.

[devilspawn]

thanks guys... i am trying to get an understanding of the family who didnt want me to attend.
he was part of my life for 11 years and though we split we ended up on good terms..
I didnt go in order to keep it all peaceful (his dad was a physically nasty ***).
I really dont understand hypocrits... and I am trying to get my head around it and its really p***ing me off... sorry :(

[tamborine]

no-one can stop you showing your respect for the deceased. Just be subtle & leave before any confrontation.

[lorri24601]

no i would not go, you dont have to stand at a grave and grieve to know how much that person meant to you,You know in your own heart and thats all that should matter.If the family have their own issues (which they clearly do) then thats for their Conscience and something they will have work out later .Try not to let them get to you, you have your own memories and no one can take them away xx

[dizmouk2009]

Wait till his parents are dead, or kill them and go and put something nasty on their grave. People like that need stringing up, no damn respect...

[brenda]

I would go , stay at the back , and 2 fingers to the family.

[devilspawn]

Thanks guys x

[society]

You are family and want to attend the funeral to pay your respects to the deceased,attend but stay in the background and don't mingle with the rest of the family.

[Prudie]

Agree, if you have expressly been asked not to attend then pay your respects afterwards. Why cause extra stress to both you and them by making a stand at the funeral? I too speak from experience when my mother took herself uninvited to my father's funeral (they had been apart for over 30 years) and it added unnecessary unpleasantness to an emotionally charged event.