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maggiebee | 17:44 Mon 11th Apr 2022 | Jokes
4 Answers
Tongue in cheek, but funny too.


1. You consider scattered showers with outbreaks of sunshine as good weather.
2. The only sausage you like is square.
3. You were forced to do Scottish country dancing every year at secondary school.
4. You have a wide vocabulary of Scottish words such as numpty, aye, aye right, auldyin, baltic...
5. You destroyed your teeth when you were young using Buchanan's toffee, Wham bars, Penny Dainties, MB Bars, Cola Cubes etc
6. You have an enormous feeling of dread whenever Scotland play a 'numpty' team like the Faroe Islands.
7. You happily engage in a conversation about the weather with someone you've never met before.
8. Even if you normally hate the Proclaimers, Runrig, Caledonia , Deacon Blue and Big Country, you still love it when you're in a club abroad and they play something Scottish.
9. You used to watch Glen Michael's Cavalcade on a Sunday afternoon with his side kick Lamp Paladin.
10. You got Oor Wullie and The Broons annuals at Xmas.
11. You can tell where another Scot is from by their accent - "Awright, pal, gonnae gies a wee swatch oa yur Sun? Cheers, magic pal." Or "Fit ya bin up tae? Fair few quines in the nicht, eh ?", etc
12. You see cops and hear someone shout 'Errapolis'.
13. You have participated in or watched people having a 'square go'.
14. You know that when someone asks you what school you went to they only want to know if you are catholic or protestant.
15. You have eaten lots and lots of random Scottish food like mince 'n tatties, Tunnock's Caramel Logs, oat cakes, haggis, Cullen skink, Lees Macaroon Bars, etc.
16. A jakey has asked you for money.
17. You think nothing of waiting expectantly for your 1p change from a shop keeper.
18. You know the right response to 'Ye dancing ?' is 'Y'askin?' followed by 'Ahm askin' and finally 'Then ahm dancin'.
19. Whenever you see sawdust it reminds you of pools of vomit as that's what the jannies used to chuck on it at school.
20. You lose all respect for a groom who doesn't wear a kilt.
21. You don't do shopping... you 'go the messages'.
22. You're sitting on the train or bus and a drunk man sits next to you telling you a joke - and asking 'Ahm no annoying ye ahm a?' and you respond 'Naw, not at a', yer fine. This is ma stoap, but'.
23. You can have an entire phone conversation using only the words 'awright', 'aye' and 'naw'.
24. You have experienced peer pressure to have an alcoholic drink when out - regardless of the circumstances.
25. You know that ye cannae fling yer pieces oot a 20 storey flat, and that seven hundred hungry weans'll testify tae that. Furthermore you're sure that if it's butter, cheese or jeely, or if the breid is plain or pan, the odds against it reaching earth are 99 tae wan.
26. You know that going to a party at a friend's house involves bringing your own drink.
27. Your holiday abroad is ruined if you hear there is a heatwave in Scotland while you're away.
28. Your national team goes 2-0 up again the Czechs in a qualifier in Prague and your mate says we'll end up losing 3-2 here and you think "Probably".
29. You can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, and Auchtermuchty.
30. Your favourite pizza is deep fried and battered from the chippy.
31. You're used to 4 seasons in one day.
32. You can't pass a chip shop or kebab shop, without drooling, when your drunk.
33. You can fall about drunk without spilling your drink.
34. You measure distance in minutes.
35. You can understand Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like them in your own family.
36. You go to Saltcoats because you think it's like being at the ocean.
37. You can make a whole sentence out of just swear words.
38. You know what haggis is made with and still eat it.
39. Somebody you know used a football schedule to plan their wedding day date.
40. You've been at a wedding where the footie results were read out.


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Thanks, Maggie!

However I think that plenty of the Sassenachs here (especially the ones who used to be teachers!) can identify with No 19, all Brits (except Londoners, who never speak to strangers for any reason if they can help it) fit with the description in No 7 and any Scousers here might very well take issue with you over the ownership of No 18 ;-)
29 - you forgot Alford, Avoch, Dugid, Dalziel, Findochty, Aberchirder

(aford, och, due-kit, diel, fin-ech-tee, foggyloan)

When you leave the homeland, you feel more Scottish. I can relate to all of 1 - 40 above. Thanks Maggie.

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