The Chemistry Is There

[andypipwilly]

I wanna make a joke about sodium, but Na..

[Bazile]

O2 be good at telling jokes

[frugalfred]

He He!

[andypipwilly]

Q: How did the chemist survive the famine? A: By subsisting on titrations.

[daveygh]

Ni Ce O Ne

[frugalfred]

Great jokes - I'm on the phone to Russia - I shall have to tell Uri 'em!

[jno]

what do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't helium, you'll have to barium.

[Togo]

I periodically tell chemistry jokes.
Never mix Oxygen and Magnesium or OMg!

[jno]

where do you get mercury from? HG Wells

[Patsy33]

Fluorine Uranium!

[agchristie]

I periodically table some chemistry jokes :(

[EDDIE51]

What do you call it when The Queen farts?
A Nobel gas.

Why did the Nobel gas cry?
Because his friends Argon.

What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium.

[EDDIE51]

What would a Metallurgist use to make a condom?
Cementite !

[jno]

a neutron goes to pay for his drink but the barman says "For you, there's no charge."

[EDDIE51]

Two Hydrogen ions walk into a bar.
One says '' I think I've lost an electron''
The other says '' are you sure?''
The first says ''Yes I'm positive''

[jno]

Heisenberg and Schrödinger are out for a drive when they get stopped by the police. The policeman asks Heisenberg "Sir, do you know how fast you were going?" and Heisenberg says "No, but I know where I am!". Confused, the officer says "Sir, you were doing 80 mph", and Heisenberg throws his hands in the air and huffs "Great, now I don't know where I am anymore!".
The policeman thinks something is going on, and orders the pair out of the car so that he can search it for contraband. He looks under the seats, in the glove compartment, in the back, and then walks around the car and opens the boot. He stares into it for a moment, turns to Schrödinger and says "Sir, did you know there's a dead cat in here?!", so Schrödinger rolls his eyes and snorts "Yeah, we do now!"

[andypipwilly]

It's not just me then!
Thanks for being so positive!
APW