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mikey4444 | 12:27 Sun 03rd Mar 2013 | Jokes
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How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb ?

13... 1 to hold the ladder, 1 to change the bulb, and 11 to discuss and debate the passive role of the socket !
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old...very old.....
How many Irish men does it take to change a light bulb?

38...1 to hold the bulb while the other 37 turn the house.
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb.
Just one but the lightbulb has to want to change.
How many politicians does it take to change a light-bulb?
'The Government is well aware of the situation and we are setting up a committee to look into the feasibility of changing it.'
How many film stars doe it take to change a light-bulb?

One, but he only takes one step up the ladder, and then his stunt double takes over.

How they change the light bulbs in the original Star Trek

Scotty will report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the Engineering Section is burnt out, to which Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead.

Scotty, after checking around, notices that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he can't see in the dark to tend to his engines. Kirk must make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb from the natives.

Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, and 3 red shirt security officers beam down. The 3 security officers are promptly killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured.

Meanwhile, back in orbit, Scotty notices a Klingon ship approaching and must warp out of orbit to escape detection.

Bones cures the native king who is suffering from the flu, and as a reward the landing party is set free and given all of the light bulbs they can carry.

Scotty cripples the Klingon ship and warps back to the planet just in time to beam up Kirk et. Al .

The new bulb is inserted, and the Enterprise continues with its five year mission.



How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer," and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb," do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e. the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.

The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being non-negotiable.
Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership."

Q: How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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