I Would Like To Experience....

[gness]

but just for one hour and no longer.......how it feels to be a ninety two year old alzheimer's sufferer.....long after the confusion and memories only of long ago have gone.....

To lie in a bed year after year no longer recognising family and friends ....unable to speak any longer..... being fed, toileted and washed....

I sit by the bed and look at my mother.....she sometimes looks back but there's nothing there.....

I just cannot understand what her thoughts are....there must be some surely.... a mind can't just be blank?

I'm not being gloomy.....I'm puzzled I suppose.....x

[Bathsheba]

Unimagineable gness. Have a (((hug))).

x x

[Bathsheba]

*apologies for the typo,...I did of course mean unimaginable*

[gness]

Thanks, Baths.... I'm not down.....it's every time I visit I want to know how she feels....what she feels.....does she know anything....

I'll never find out...that I do know....thinking aloud here I guess....but like I say.....I'm puzzled....xx

[RATTER15]

Gness, I have often thought the same. My conclusion from working with these people are... a terrifying place to be indeed. I have always said to dementia carers, spend one hour in that persons head and we would all treat them very differently.

[Old_Geezer]

I think it very strange to want to do that.
Yes the mind can go blank, have you never daydreamed about nothing and suddenly come to and realised ? Or one can be completely confused not understanding anything. Think I'll give that a miss if I may.

[RATTER15]

and no. I don't think the mind is blank for a second. I think it is just an extremely muddled and frightening place for many. Some are quite happy just very mixed up, depending on how advanced the disease is.

[Bathsheba]

I don't think it strange at all, O-G....Gness wants to know how her mum views the world now. I often wondered the same as I watched my poor MIL deteriorate to become a shadow of the smart, well presented lady she once was.

[gness]

Terrifying is a good word, Ratter......today it's what I thought I saw in my mother's face......
She was always a stroppy old biddy and that look she could give was still there until recently.....but now that's gone and seems to have been replaced by a fear.....

I thought....if it is fear there has to be a reason.....maybe?

Like I said, OG....I'm curious....x

[vulcan42]

I really can't answer your question but I believe the mind isn't blank and has access to some memory. A friend suffered from alzheimer's died recently, he was an English teacher and if he heard somebody use incorrect grammar he would correct them. Strange isn't it? his brain could remember what he taught at school but it could not recognise his wife.

[RATTER15]

I think the fear comes from not being able to organise your thoughts in a way that makes any sense. I can only guess from what I see in a daily basis, I hope I am not upsetting you with my openness of my thoughts, but I think if we can have some kind of understanding, it can only help us to help those that suffer from dreadful affliction.

[RATTER15]

Vulcan. Ehat you describe is very typical of most types of dementia when it comes to memory loss.

[gness]

Not upsetting me at all, Ratter.....she was diagnosed ten years ago so we've been through every stage.....

When she was staring around her room today I so wanted to know was she wondering where she was......why wasn't this her bedroom.....simply....what was she thinking...

It is strange, Vulcan.....about two years in my mother reverted to speaking Irish....her first language.

When she was remembering and probably living in the time she was footing turf, going to Mass, we could play along really....we just went there with her....

Now there's nothing....at least I think there's nothing....x

[janbee]

My mother died at 92. She had dementia.It was awful to see her become a lost soul. It's very strange but even up until her last breath, blind and away in her own little world, she still always knew me. Nobody else, just me. I wish I'd been with her at the end. She died alone. Very sad. She was talking TO and about, my late father the nurses said.
Sorry about your Mum , Gness. It's very very sad. xx

[bookbinder]

This American experiment goes some way towards explaining what an Alzheimer's sufferer has to put up with:

[DTCwordfan]

I don't think they know, gness. I can speak to my mother and 5 minutes later it's completely forgotten - a brick wall would be more responsive at times as it bounces the sound back - and she's not as far on as your Mum....walkies again this morning but not too far as I was back 2 mins after someone had found her addled outside the church next door.

[bookbinder]

Hmm. Maybe this one works:

[DTCwordfan]

By the way, I've come across the language thing c/o the wife of a family friend - she was talking gobbledygook in her nursing home over on the Roseland Peninsula until someone realised that it was Welsh, her early childhood lingo.

[bookbinder]

I give up!

[gness]

My mother sometimes knew my brother until recently, Jan....that's gone now....
The last time I remember her responding to me was ages ago when a look of recognition came over her face and she said....Oh bu66er off you!...☺

I know she doesn't know about the illness, DT.....I just wonder what thoughts ARE in the mind....x

[gness]

Is it something I can google, BB?