Card for ex and new man on the birth of their twins?

[obNOXious]

Hi, just found out that my ex whose living in Germany with new man ( 4rsehole) has had her babies. All is apprently fine, and they had two little boys, although the situaiton between me and them has been somewhat frought lately over me seeing my girls who live with them.
Question... do I try to smooth things over by sending a card or ecard etc congratulating them or is this likely to be seen as me being 'funny', the problem being that my ex views anything I do with the utmost suspicion and thinks I have an ulterior motive for everything.

[B00]

No no no no....leave it well alone!

It'll be seen as being sarcastic on your part, no matter how good your intentions were. You've said yourself that everything you do is viewed with suspicion, this will only fuel their suspicions.

And in all honesty- do you really wish them well?

[ruby27]

I think this may be a no win situation for you.

If you do, it may as you suspect not be seen as genuine congratulations, but, if she needs to view everything you do negatively for some reason, she may consider not receiving a card as a slight as well.

I would personally go for the card and congrats as it being more likely seen as an olive branch rather than an olive stick.

[joggerjayne]

Send a card.

[obNOXious]

Yeah this is exactly what concerns me.
I don't wish them ill, I just resent captain f4cking perfect taking over as the father to my daughters. The fact that they've had their own children is fine by me, since they'll be half brothers etc to my girls, but I just don't want to do anything which might make access to my daughters harder.

[redcrx]

damned if you do, damned if you dont by sound of it.

Id say send a simple card if you really do mean to wish them well, if you dont then dont send one. Dont go against your own feelings or it will be false. At least that way if you send one and she has a go at least you know you sent it for right reasons.

[Rosetta]

I think Ruby is right. I would be inclined to send a card, at least then you can' be criticised for not making the effort.

[obNOXious]

Tail end of '06 actually Leg, so a while over a year.
The problem was that I absented myself from the girls because I really wasn't in a very nice or stable headspace, and now they quite rightly hold it against me and my ten year old is being every inch my daughter, and playing the new step father off against me to make me suffer, having had some not very nice conversations with her, where she told me she would do exactly that.
All my fault from beginning to end, but trying to hang onto a thread hoping that when she calms down and the waters settle a little she'll see how much I love them.

[Octavius]

I think it may seem you are more resentful if you don't send a card.

I would send a little card of congratulations to the 'whole family' on their new arrivals.

She will read into it whichever way suits her.

[RevFunk]

An Ex is an Ex for a reason lol

Leave well alone lol

[B00]

Surpised only the rev agrees with me on this one....

Tellin' ya Noxy, big big big mistake if you send one.

[Ethel]

Yep - just a card similar to one you would send to colleague or neighbour - nothing gushing or over personal.

[MiniN]

I'd send one.

[helliebobs]

I'd send one too - like Rev said, she'll take it whichever way she wants, and if there's a chance it'll make things a bit easier for you. I think it makes you look like the bigger person, personally.

[RevFunk]

i dont rate your "advice" either bellend

[RevFunk]

How many log ins have you got these days?

tw@t

[helliebobs]

Oooh saucer of milk, table 2 Rev! ;)

[Octavius]

I want to reiterate my point above about a �whole family� card. I think this could be important. Firstly it acknowledges that they are a family, and it acknowledges that your children are part of the new expanding family and that you recognise them as such.

The card would not only be for the happy parents, but also your daughters who are no doubt equally delighted.

As hellie says, it shows you are 'evolving' and are maturing into the bigger person.