Commitment issues

[jac30]

Me and a guy I work with like each other very much and we went out on friday night and got on so well and he was saying how he'd love for us to have a relationship. He even told me things he'd never told anyone else like he hadn't been with anyone for 10 years.
We met the following night and out of the blue has said that he's out of his comfort zone and isn't ready for a relationship. Needless to say I am very upset as I thought this was going somewhere. He says I've done nothing wrong so why has he done this??? Can anyone offer me any advice.Thanks.

[Jugglering]

Sounds like he was a tad *under the influence* on Friday night and realised what he'd said the following morning. I doubt very much if you had done anything wrong - he's the one with the problem, which could be anything from scared of women to actually already being a(nother) relationship.... Time for you to look elsewhere jac... I think.

[ChuckFickens]

or you have found yourself a bloke that really does have commitment issues!

He said he liked you, and now realises that he may have started something he is scared of going through with!

If he really hasn't been with anyone for ten years then getting in a relationship is gonna be a scary prospect for him as thats a big change.

Hmmm, sounding too familiar, but I didn't go out friday night :)

[boogieboogie]

and they say we women are fickle..

maybe the evening went so well he got carried away in the moment and said things he shouldn't have ie: wanting a relationship and telling you things he hadn't told others.

maybe he was just after a one night stand and said things to make you feel special.

but probably because one minute he wanted a relationship and the next he didn't. He's just changed his mind.

whatever it's his problem and nothing you did. Which is probably why he's been single for 10 years.

[jac30]

The thing is he was texting me the next day saying how he had a great time and couldn't stop thinking about me and asked when was he gonna see me again. I know he's had a lot of problems in his life but he's been saying for ages that he likes me when we are at work.

[sleepy1]

is he gay ?

[jac30]

No why?

[sleepy1]

just a thought ..sorry

[andrea81]

If he hasn't been with anyone for 10 years, then I think he's probably telling you the truth and that he really is out of his comfort zone!

I think the only thing you can do is let him come to you, even if it is for friendship!

x

[jac30]

Thanks everyone for the advice. I think he is just scared. We got on quite well at work today, Things wern't really awkward between us. I just feel really sad about the ways things have gone.

[andrea81]

jac, caryy on being his friend and maybe he will feel more confident after a while!

You will probably get some signals from him that he wants to be more! Good luck x x

[tufty7]

laways difficult when you work together , but perhaps a relationship is not quite right just yet , perhaps if you really like him and you feel you could have a future with him continue going out as friends, having a drink, having a laff etc etc , the rest will come naturally , sometimes people are frightened of relinqueshing the freedom and independance they have built around themselves and shut off if they feel they might get hurt , forget the relationship thing , just have fun as friends do ....

[jac30]

Cheers guys that sounds more like it I think I'll do that.

[jac30]

Actually raggy he wasn't drunk and he has said similar things at work when sober.

[seaz66]

a similar issue happened to me i honestly think its commitment issues i think you need to just make him known to the fact that u wont be a full on gf and that it wont be a mistake to commit to you

[jac30]

Sounds like it. He asked if I wanted to go for a drink after work and we did and got on really well. Had a nice chat about anything but not relations between the two of us. I think if we take things slowly something may happen in the future, fingers crossed.