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Why the Mum?

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bobjugs12 | 10:27 Wed 17th Feb 2010 | Family & Relationships
9 Answers
I have a question for the folks on here that I really cannot grasp.

I understand the historical significance of the family courts prefering the mother over the father in residency cases; but why is it still relevant?
Now I know there are some waster dads out there who give the rest of us a bad name, but there are also cr@p mums out there who shouldn't be allowed to look after a hamster, let alone kids.
In the same vein, there are top notch parents out there who love there kids and would do anything for them.

So why does the family courts still put the burden on the father to prove the kids are better off with him, whilst presuming that the mum is always best.

An example given to me by my (experienced) solictor, if it had come to a court battle over residency for my kids then all my ex wife would have to say is that I'm violent because I was in the forces. She wouldn't need proof or even for it to be true. Whereas if I tried playing those games I would need evidence, witnesses etc.


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Totally agree.

I think we all need to get beyond the thinking that children are naturally better of with their mothers rather than their fathers. All too often we've witnessed news stories where this, sadly, isn't the case....remember Baby P?
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I agree.
Mum isn't always best. However, you try telling a family court that. If there is no issues on either side they will always comedown with the mother. It's so frustrating.

It's so ingrained within the media and population that if they got rid of all prejudice, this would still remain.

Because of the childs DNA & biological parentage cannot be doubted with the mother.
Question Author
So what? Does DNA and biology make you better parent then?

Surely love, care and trust are more importnat than genetic links?
Surely a childs DNA sample is pretty accurate when tested against Fathers DNA too?
I agree that not all children are better off with the father. However, in my experience, and all the familes I know the father would not want or would be able to handle it. I know you cannot tar all men with the same brush but I feel the majority would not want residency. This is my personal opionion from experience only.
My kids are 100% better off with me. Although my daughter lives with her Dad....and he is, and always has been a really good Dad. She went to him for education reasons. He lives in Ireland and the schools there are so much better. I miss her....but we speak most days.

My boys have a different Dad....I would never let them live with him.
Question Author
Joanne, Ummm;

I don't mean any disrespect to your situations, but why are you so much a better parent than your childrens father? What aspect of your personality is it that makes you more capable of raising a child than him? I don't mean this as an insult, but you have to understand that attitudes like these are damaging and hurtful.

I am not a bad father, in fact I like to believe that I'm a very good dad. At the same time my ex-wife is a very good mum.

So how and why does the law always fall on the side of the mother?

How is this fair?
It isn't fair Bobjugs, not at all. I agree with you. It is outdated and needs revising. Not all mothers are good mothers and what worries me is that in so many of the awful cases we hear about abuse to kids, it is the mother's new fella that is responsible. All cases should be judged fairly on who is better able to look after the children and who is likely to be the better parent.

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