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Is This Fair?

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Chocolate55 | 13:11 Thu 01st Jul 2021 | Family & Relationships
17 Answers
So 3 is a crowd right. My daughter at school has 2 best friends.
They’re like a little 3some.
The 2 girls do tend to clash together as a result of wanting to be best friends with my daughter.. this isn’t me making out my daughter is the innocent party.. this is what school have told me. That she is the innocent one and they both just have great need to be her best friend. But then some days they play all together lovely and are like there the 3 best friends that anyone can have. Also some days the 2 other girls play together as best friends too without my daughter.
Anyway moral of the story is one of the girls has a birthday party coming up this weekend. My daughter came out of school yesterday with an invitation from girl A. She said to me girl A hasn’t invited girl B and she is really upset. She has been really upset all day because she didn’t get an invitation.
This is the conversation that my daughter has witnessed between the 2.

“Girl A went up to girl B and said “youre not coming to my party.” Girl B then said “girl A just doesn’t care about me” to my daughters.
My daughter all the way home from school kept saying how upset she felt for girl B because she hasn’t got an invite and she has been so upset. It’s all my daughter kept saying she was worrying constantly about her.

During the school pick up after my daughter was saying all this to me i saw girl A with her mum. Girl A said to me “it’s my birthday party Sunday, girl B is not coming”

I looked at her mum and her mum just said she doesn’t want her to come.
My daughter then started saying all the things she was saying to me to girl A and her mum. I told my daughter not to worry about it and that she has an invite. But I suppose she was just worrying about her friend and trying to stick up for her friend and felt bad.

Having thought about all this now I believe the right thing to do would be not to send my daughter to this party as I believe my daughter should stick up for her fiend and not go out of respect the fact she has been left out.
If girl A didn’t want to invite her to her party and that was that I would completely understand but it’s the way that girl A has gone up to girl B and purposely said to her you’re not coming to my party and girl a has also stated this to me.
If my daughter was acting like that i would actually speak to my daughter and say what is the actual reason you do not want this girl at your party. I know it has been done maliciously so she can have my daughter at the party without girl B there. I don’t condone it and think it is harsh. Especially when they are all actually best friends together.
I think i would be telling my daughter that she can not actually treat people that way and she wouldn’t be having a party.

Is this fair?


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How old are these girls?
You don't say how old the girls are but i'm guessing quite young. Children can be, (and, at times, are) very mean to one another. I would ask your daughter what she wants to do. Is she is happy to attend the party without girl B being there, fine. If not, also fine. It could even teach the birthday girl a lesson.
Question Author
Girls are 6
Thought as much. Any older and they'd be 'unfriending' each other on FB rather than not inviting them to a birthday party :-) While i can fully understand your daughter's angst, it's not something that would unduly worry me as a parent.
I have three daughters, all adults now with their own children.

My wife and I made it a rule never to get involved in spats either between them, but especially not between them and their friends.

The dynamics of relationships between females of any age is complex and constantly shifting.

I understand that you want to do the right thing here, and teach your daughter the right thing as well, but honestly, stay out of it.

You are putting your adult perspctive of right and wrong behaviour onto individuals who are still figuring out what that actually means, and you may cause more harm than good doing it.

As you point out, the relationships shift on a daily basis - that's what girls do, and they are much better left to work it out for shemslves.

If you make your daughter miss the party to make a point that you think is right, and she and more importantly her friends, will not understand or appreciate, you are damaging the ecosystem of the friendship.

Yes for right reasons, from your point of view - but damage is damage, whatever the reasons behind it.

If your daughter wants to go, let her, and you will find that this rift will be forgotten in a day or so, and something else will be there in its place.

When your daughter talks about her friendships, listen always, but refrain from offering your input.

She is not talking to get a judgement from you, she is talking so she can put her thoughts in order, and work out what she thinks - today, because tomorrow she will think something different.

Leave it alone - you shouldn't get dragged into situations you don't really understand, and can't alter for the better, much as you would like to.
Having seen the ages of your daughter and her friends - we cross-posted, everything I just said goes double!
I agree with Ken, best not to get too involved in these squabbles.

Ask your Daughter if she'd like to attend andgo from there.
Let your daughter decide what *she* thinks is right. Don't try to influence her...give her time to mull it over. She's friends with both and it's up to her/them to decide.
6 years old? Please don’t encourage your daughter to get overly involved in what children do .
More like...don't you as a mother get overly involved in what children do!
True. Children, especially little girls change their minds as often as we change our pants .
Why doesn't your daughter take B along as her guest ?
I'm afraid when it comes to girls, three friends together is always asking for trouble. Two or four is good but not three as one is always going to get left out when arguments arise.
Girls will be girls, I'm afraid. I used to be a house mother for a mixed house in a boarding school. I'd have had three times the amount of boys if I could have ditched the girls. Boys will argue, maybe get physical, then it's over. The girls would *** for days because someone had a new pair of socks or had smiled at someone's friend.
They are much too young for this kind of politics. I would take my daughter, if she wants to go. If you are worried, speak to the other mum, and maybe the other girl will get invited anyway.
What is girl A’s reason for not inviting girl B?
/// What is girl A’s reason for not inviting girl B? ///

Wait and C


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